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On Behalf Of Harvey Hilbert
With palms together, Hello Sangha,
Recently I received a post from a friend. He indicated that he had
inadvertently missed or misinterpreted a cue from me regarding my
condition. His was a warm and compassionate letter, clearly there is
a great deal of love in his heart. But the post prompted me to think a
bit. As a result, I believe it is important for me to tell you what I am
facing. Some of you know this, so please bear with me.
Last year I was diagnosed with a form of early onset Alzheimer's Disease, a
prematurely aging brain. The progression can be slowed with aggressive
medications, which I am taking, and through common sense lifestyle
changes.
The thing about this disease is that it was apparently caused by the
gunshot to my head in combat in Vietnam. Hence my decidedly anti-war
stance. War does so many very bad things to people and to the
planet.
I do not know how much time I have to be fully present with you. My desire
is to be as compassionate and loving person as possible while I still can. I try
my best to be as open and as loving as I can, knowing it is this love that is
the thing that holds us all together in a world that can be quite cold and
disappointing.
It bothers me in that I am no longer able to do some of the things I love:
teaching, for one, therapy for another. The disease has affected my
ability to make judgements, recall things, and organize. While I am still
able to function in most ways, things are a tad unpredictable.
This friend wrote back saying he thought this was frightening. I
suppose so. I watched the film, The Notebook, and it had a decidedly
personal meaning to me. Maybe this is the reason I try so hard to write daily to
Team Zen or Zen Living...to leave some sort of a record of my heart. I
know I seek feelings and memories. I am a little afraid of fading away,
but not in a great way. What will happen will...or won't. Who really
knows?
All each of us can do is live here right now with as much love as is
possible.
Be well all,
Sodaiho
Rev. Harvey Sodaiho Hilbert, Ph.D. On the web at: http://www.daihoji.org Opt out of military recruiter's getting your children's personal information: http://www.militaryfreezone.org/ Current Book Discussion: Appreciate Your Life by Taizan Maezumi Roshi Yahoo! Groups Links
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