I wrote this during an emotional fit between New York and Bali bombings. Now, while I still feel strongly as far as the sentiments portrayed go, but purely from a literary angle I feel this poem is flawed. A fellow poet advised me that there were too many stanzas so I took a dekko and removed two that I felt were superfluous.This poem still feels loose, something is missing. Please critique this and let me know. Thanks in advance - Rumjhum
WE DO NOT PRAY FOR THE DEAD We do not pray any more for the dead, Lord, instead we pray for the living Lord have mercy on all the gun-totters, bomb-makers Psychopaths, terrorists and murderers. Yes please Lord, show your mercy on all those who kill without understanding the source of their hate. Lord show them the rainbow. Those who slide between shadows making mine fields out of schools and playgrounds, shopping malls and places of worship. Those who swat at human lives like so many flies, for them Lord please bleed again. There is just so much of pain that we can bear. So many lives destroyed that we can repair. Build again afresh. Start from scratch. Learn new lullabies to sing To our babies and theirs after them. Lord there is just so much we can do, and we will. We do not pray for the dead anymore lord. We pray for the living. This one planet You gave us. The one You made for us the only home we know Lord, have mercy on them And us too (for we too are the living And heaven knows Lord, we need faith before valor!) Now let your rainbow pegged from horizon to horizon reveal its promise shade by bleeding shade the promise you had made before this earth with its sky stretched tight from pole to pole, with all its riches for the picking if we do it wisely. All its songs, laughter and tears all of this which we still have but which may well fracture into another asteroid belt. Lord we dare not pray anymore for the dead. We cannot forsake the living. Lord have mercy. It is all here, all that we have. Give us the chance to return to the dust from whence we came after we have done with our lives The dust of this sweet earth. For we are the living amongst all the gun-totters, bomb makers, psychopaths terrorists and murderers. We cannot breathe in space. Nor can our children and theirs after them. There are places where souls can go to be purged, to be punished, to be exalted. But for us the fragile living, lord this is all Lord have mercy. © Rumjhum Biswas ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~--> Get fast access to your favorite Yahoo! Groups. Make Yahoo! your home page http://us.click.yahoo.com/dpRU5A/wUILAA/yQLSAA/yqIolB/TM --------------------------------------------------------------------~-> -- You are encouraged to post poetry, respond critically to the poems circulated and participate in discussions. To post, email your message to [email protected] OR post online at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTPoets/post/ Tell friends to subscribe to ZESTPoets by sending a blank email to [EMAIL PROTECTED], OR, if they have a Yahoo! ID, by visiting http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTPoets/join/ ---theZESTcommunity-------------- [1] ZESTCurrent: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTCurrent/ [2] ZESTEconomics: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTEconomics/ [3] ZESTGlobal: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTGlobal/ [4] ZESTMedia: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTMedia/ [5] ZESTPoets: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTPoets/ [6] ZESTCaste: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTCaste/ [7] ZESTAlternative: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTAlternative/ [8] TalkZEST: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TalkZEST/ --- Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTPoets/ <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
