Cousin Bill wrote:
> Do you know of a store that will sell and ship overseas (like, say, to
> Japan)?  I lost my good pair of boots to a septic tank accident and 
> haven't
> been able to find any since.

As the chair of the Alberta Chapter of VOSSSI* I feel your pain.  While 
my own life has been touched by incidents of this nature, I am at least 
still able to use my mukluks without fear of reprisals or disease.  So 
many like yourself are not.  It is brave for you, now, to reach out and 
seek a new pair of boots. Iím sure you will be able to get on your life 
and leave this incident behind you.  Perhaps you could still be helped 
by exposure to our famous VOSSSI 10 step  recovery program which we 
affectionately refer to as ďDeep DoodooĒ.

1.   Denial is a necessary part of the grieving process. Deny. Deny. 
Deny.  Then get over it.

2.   Excuses are helpful.  After all it probably wasnít you that forgot 
to arrange to get the septic system pumped out in a timely way.  It was? 
 Well, werenít you too busy trying to figure out why Ryan Starr didnít 
get bumped sooner on American Idol to pay attention to the tell tale 
warning signs of septic system overload.  After all arenítí you entitled 
to a life?

3.  Extra Sensory Perception.  Donít rely on it.  A simple sniff test 
will probably do better to avoid these problems than all the paranormal 
activity in the world.

4.  Play First, Work Second.  What the hey, you have already slipped in 
it havenít you?  So you just as well enjoy yourself now.  Barn door is 
open already and all that stuff.  Donít let one little incident spoil 
your joie de vivre forever.

5.  Depend on your friends.  If you get down in this slippery stuff deep 
enough, you can never get yourself out.  And if friends donít show up 
you can always pray for a miracle. The point is that these incidents 
will happen and thereís nothing you can do about them.

6.  Oooomm.  Give yourself a little wawa and incantation time every day. 
 Let the gentle breezes play in your hair.  Meditation is where itís at 
baby.  Besides you are probably experiencing a lot of solitary time 
anyway, most of us do after such an incident, so make the best of your 
Pepe Le Peu time by getting in touch with your inner self.

7.  Outrage.  Join a chapter of VOSSSI and express your concern about 
sloppy septic conditions everywhere.  Advocate for better access to 
litigation for the common man.

8.  Dump.  Rid yourself of those used up things in your life that hold 
you back.  Vent.  Let it go.  Give it up.  One caution here, be sure to 
see that your septic system is back in working order before you do this 
in a major way.

9.  Open your mind and heart to new things.  As you reach the end of 
your road to recovery it will be time to seek out new opportunities and 
experiences. Be open to new challenges.  You have had a septic incident. 
 It has hurt you and perhaps scarred your psyche for life.  But donít 
worry, there are other different equally impacting opportunities out 
there.  Like politics, social protest, extreme sports, oral surgery, UFO 
verification projects, investment clubs, and Windows 98.  The list is 
endless.  You got hurt once, but you donít have to go back to that, you 
can get hurt in endless ways. Be open to the possibilities.  Maybe you 
lost your boots to a septic incident, but you could easily lose your 
shirt in mutual funds.  The sky is the limit.

10.  Overcome.  Thatís the name of our monthly newsletter for all VOSSSI 
members.  This month, and every month, there are a host of helpful 
articles to assist you in your recovery.  For example, would you have 
been better prepared had you studied: ďSewer traps, do they really 
work?Ē from our August issue?  Or what about ďTop 10 Sewer Sucking 
Services in the NorthWest.Ē  We frequently rank these people for your 
protection.  So subscribe now by calling our hot line number 
1 - deepdoodoo.  Remember the slogan on our masthead.  ďDonít be 
overcome, read Overcome, and overcome.Ē  Catchy eh?

Tom

*Victims of Sad Septic System Incidents

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