[courtesy of my colleague, Dr. David Antoniuk at Alberta Innovation &
Science, who disavows all responsibility for it, 'natch!]

Men's Merit/Demerit Guide

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the Rules when
dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to
understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one
single rule applies:

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do
something she dislikes and points are deducted. You don't get any points
for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is
played. Here is a guide to the points system:


You make the bed.....+1

You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.....0

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....-1

You leave the toilet seat up.....-5

You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty......0

When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.....-1

When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.....-2

You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings......+5

In the snow .....+8

But return with beer.....-5

And no liners.....-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night.....0

You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing.....0

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.....+5

You pummel it with a six iron.....+10

It's her cat.....-40


You stay by her side the entire party.....0

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College
drinking buddy.....-2

Named Tiffany.....-4

Tiffany is a dancer.....-10

With breast implants.....-18


You remember her birthday.....0

You buy a card and flowers.....0

You take her out to dinner.....0

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.....+1

Okay, it is a sports bar.....-2

And it's all-you-can-eat night.....-3

It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted
the colors of your favorite team.....-10


Go with a pal.....0

The pal is happily married.....+1

The pal is single.....-7

He drives a Ferrari.....-10

With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED).....-15


You take her to a movie.....+2

You take her to a movie she likes.....+4

You take her to a movie you hate.....+6

You take her to a movie you like.....-2

It's called Death Cop III.....-3

Which features Cyborgs that eat humans.....-9

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-15


You develop a noticeable pot belly.....-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it.....+10

You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts.....-30

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".....-800


She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"

You hesitate in responding.....-10

You reply, "Where?".....-35

You reply, "No, I think it's your ass".....-100

Any other response.....-20


When she wants to talk about a problem:

You listen, displaying a concerned expression.....0

You listen, for over 30 minutes.....+5

You relate to her problem and share a similar experience......+50

You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "well,
what do you think I should do?".....-100

You have fallen asleep.....-200


You talk.....-100

You don't talk.....-150

You spend time with her......-200

You don't spend time with her.....-500

You seem to be enjoying yourself.....-1000

Game Over - YOU LOSE!!!

Marc A. Schindler
Spruce Grove, Alberta, Canada -- Gateway to the Boreal Parkland

“Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he
will pick himself up and continue on” – Winston Churchill

Note: This communication represents the informal personal views of the
author solely; its contents do not necessarily reflect those of the
author’s employer, nor those of any organization with which the author
may be associated.

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