I don't know the answer, John. I'm a jerk too and wonder if I am just
failing my mortal probation. I often think I made a mistake agreeing to
come to this lousy world. I didn't have to. I could have gone to any
other millions of other worlds and I actually agreed to come here. I'm
one stupid spirit child of God who begs to have have the Spirit with me
but can't seem to keep it for long in any strong degree.

I look forward to death every day. It will be a release and a relief.
There is no real lasting happiness and peace in this life for me. I've
done as you have done but not quite as long-- would you believe in my
last ward a youth gave a talk and actually said, "life sucks"! The bishop
cringed but the boy was right. Life is indeed suffering and the only way
out is to die.

Paul O

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