What Adults Don't Know Can Hurt Children Survey Finds Many Have Wrong Ideas About Child Development By Denise Mann WebMD Medical News Reviewed by Dr. Tonja Wynn Hampton Oct. 16, 2000 -- Erica Yahr-Rader, a 30-year-old mom, works full time at a top New York ad agency, so she doesn't get to spend as much time with her 8-month-old son as she would like. But in the time they do have together, she reads to him, cuddles him, and plays with him as much as she can. "I always take him outside and show him different things in a local park. I also read to him from books written for his age group and watch him crawl and play by himself," she tells WebMD. "I try to hug and kiss him as much as possible so he feels loved." Other parents can learn a lot from Yahr-Rader. A telephone survey of 3,000 adults -- including more than 1,000 parents of children ranging in age from newborn to 6 years -- suggests that many adults have serious misconceptions about how and when children develop. This is especially true of people who do not yet have children but plan to do so in the future, the survey found. For example, the survey found that while most adults know that reading to children helps their intellectual development, a large percentage don't realize that other activities, such as using flash cards, watching educational television, and playing alone on a computer, aren't as beneficial. Further, says study author Kyle Pruett, MD, the study showed that adults tend to expect too much, too soon. For example, although children aren't capable of sharing toys until they're at least 2 years old, most of the adults surveyed thought they should be able to do so at the age of 15 months. "Parents seem to think development is some sort of a race. It certainly is not. It's a dance, not a race," says Pruett, a doctor at the Yale Child Study Center and president of Zero to Three, a nonprofit group focusing on child development. His study was commissioned by Civitas, a national nonprofit child development group, and funded by Brio Corp., a toy company. And simply playing with your child can go a long way, he says. "The kind of play that really supports a child in the belief of their own comfort and competence is the play that they have with you," Pruett says. For example, he says, "if the child starts the ball rolling, quite literally, it's a more interesting game than if you sit them down and flash cards at them for 20 minutes of boredom. That's wasting their time and their curiosity." The survey also found that many moms and dads are unaware that even young babies can experience depression. Infants tend to be very sensitive to their environments and the moods of their caregivers, Pruett says. The poll also showed that many parents still spank their children, even though most experts believe this type of discipline doesn't work. And it found that 44% of the parents and 66% of the grandparents of young children who were polled incorrectly believe that picking up a 3-month-old every time he or she cries will spoil the child. "If you ignore the needs and distress of the 3-month-old, when they are a 1-year-old, they will be more frustrated, more irritable, and cry more, not less," Pruett says. "You cannot spoil an infant." According to the survey, adults who said they were planning to become parents were the most confused, yet they tended to think they were well prepared for parenthood. Other experts say that the findings draw attention to the importance of being aware of your child's developmental needs. "The perception that a parent's role is essentially to feed, clothe, house, love, and nurture the child and stand back and watch development occur is erroneous," says Robert Doman Jr., the director of the National Academy for Child Development, a nonprofit group headquartered in Ogden, Utah. "Development is driven by opportunity," he tells WebMD. "And a parent's role is to have a thorough understanding of childhood development and provide their child with a specific opportunity at each stage of development." That's why the most important thing any parent can do is spend as much one-on-one time with their child as possible. "A brain does not develop because it gets older," Doman says. "It develops as a response to receiving appropriate input from parents and caregivers." Lisa Freund, PhD, a neuropsychologist and program director and National Institute of Child and Health and Human Development in Rockville, Md., agrees and says it's particularly important for parents to spend time with their children in the first few weeks after birth. But parents who can't spend all day with their children shouldn't despair. "If you only have a few hours a day to spend with your child, try to spend time where the child is giving you the lead on what to do," Freund says. For example, if your child is very physically active, you may want to take him or her outside. If the child is more sedentary, try reading a book together. She also says parents should be aware of developmental milestones such as walking, talking, looking, reaching, using a spoon, and developing an interest in other people. Children who do best, she says, are those whose parents observe them carefully and guide them when they need it -- but who also step back when the child is ready to do things alone. In short, according to these experts, the most important things parents can do to encourage healthy physical, mental, and social development in children are to: a.. Remember that child development is not a race. b.. Spend as much time with your child as possible, given your schedule. c.. Observe your child and learn what he or she enjoys. d.. Let your child tell you what he or she wants to do, whether that's being read to or playing outdoors. e.. Talk with your pediatrician about developmental milestones and when they typically occur. f.. Remember that even infants are sensitive to their environments and can experience depression. g.. Realize that infants cannot be spoiled by being held too much. © 2000 WebMD Corporation. All rights reserved.
