-Caveat Lector- Well, this one makes about as much sense as some of the nonsense coming out of the "mainstream" parties... ;^) Bob =========================================== http://www.geocities.com/CapitolHill/Lobby/3902/index.html The Reform Silly Party of Florida "Putting the 'Fun' Back Into Political Dysfunction!" Yep, we're a real political party, with a longer history in our great state than some other, more famous latecomers. You can even Become a Member! PLATFORM Term Limits With Dignity This bold policy proposal combines the concepts of "term limits" and "death with dignity." After serving in a public office for two terms, a public official must be euthanized. We believe that this policy will do much to reduce the long-term attractiveness of public office -- and thus the possibility of corruption, waste, and mismanagement. Domestic Pet Overpopulation & the Hungry Two crises in search of one another. Figure it out. And do send recipes. Healthcare Reform What better way to increase the availability of healthcare providers and the level of healthcare in America than to declare a War on Healthcare? In no time, American inner cities will be filled with unlicensed "healthcare dealers" dispensing care, medical advice, etc. Soon others will exploit the artificially-created black market. Health addicts will find a way to purchase the care they desire. The primary drawback to this particular War will be an explosion in popular entertainment about shadowy offshore "health lords" operating clinics on tiny islands, as heroic IEA (Illness Enforcement Administration) agents attempt to infiltrate the evil "health cartels" [which will be secretly staffed by various US "intelligence" agencies, of course]. Fiscal and Monetary Policy All millionaires shall receive knighthoods; decamillionaires, baronhoods; centimillionaires, dukehoods; and billionaires, lordships. The Senate shall be replaced by a House of Lords. By the way, why is it an "embargo" when the US government does it to other countries, and "protectionism" when they do it to our own country? The Law of Gravity Repeal it. Governments have routinely ignored the laws of economics for years. Let us boldly proceed to repeal the laws of physics. [Coming soon: Our referendum on the speed of light!] Weather Equity The southern part of the USA is too hot most of the time, and the northern part is too cold. The government should subsidize the equalization of temperature and rainfall across the USA, just like on the planet Raisa. Prohibition of Teenage Smoking Absolutely not! If we prohibit teenagers from smoking, what will they do after they have sex? Tobacco, Savior of the Family Farm All crops other than tobacco are forbidden. All farmers shall heretofore be subsidized to grow tobacco only. Think of the possibilities: Tobacco leaf salad. Tobacco Moon Pie. Wash it all down with a refreshing glass of Tobac-Co-Cola. Things will go better with this proposal. A National Language The USA needs a national language. "English vs. Spanish" is too controversial. It should be Old Norse. All civil service jobs shall require demonstrated fluency in the national language. Once the bureaucracies have filled back up, we'll pick another language; preferably one with a non-Roman alphabet. Voting Rights Reform The right to vote shall be taken away from those whose IQs are in the lowest 25% and the highest 25% of the population. Idiots and smarty-pantses are the source of all our troubles. Legal Reform Defense lawyers who get clients acquitted shall serve the same sentences as their clients who get convicted of subsequent crimes. Corrupt police officers and judges shall be hanged on live TV. People who expose corrupt law officers and judges shall receive free gasoline for one year and a set of steak knives. The Avant-Garde Presidential Debates Act All presidential candidates qualified to appear on a minimum of 40 states' ballots must engage in a series of four debates in October before a general election. The candidates must present their policy positions only by use of interpretive dance, yodeling, mime, and sign language. This dynamic fusion, combined with our plan for creating the Federal Commission for the Electoral Arts, would significantly increase voter interest in the civic enterprise. Courtesy Courtesy shall be mandated. Discourteous individuals will be executed. Don't like it? Then stop acting like such a jerk! Personal Initiative Matrimony Program People are waiting far too long to get married. As a responsible political party, we too are just worried sick about the STATE OF THE FAMILY. Not that we would ever pander to the family values crowd, but WE LOVE FAMILIES. REALLY, REALLY, WE DO. Therefore, the government must actively promote family formation. We call for establishment of the Personal Initiative Matrimony Program-- the P.I.M.P. plan. The government will take a pro-active role in finding suitable partners for those singles who are unwilling or unable to do so. All single people over age 18 must register with the Selective Dating System, and those who are not actively dating will participate in the SDS -- in much the same way that people who earn money "voluntarily" participate in Social Security. And just think of the many happy days ahead, when joyous married folks will look back on their SDS days and say, "We sure were lucky that Uncle Sam was our P.I.M.P." Campaign Finance Reform We'll get to this item, right after we pass the Celibate Prostitutes Act. Become a Member of the R.S.P.! � 1996, 1997 Daniel Walker & Jim Ray. All rights reserved. This page designed by Jim Ray. ================================= Robert F. Tatman [EMAIL PROTECTED] [EMAIL PROTECTED] Remove "nospam" from the address to reply. 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