-Caveat Lector- > Jim Lehrer: Welcome to the second presidential debate between Vice > President > Al Gore and Gov. George W. Bush. The candidates have agreed on these > rules: > > I will ask a question. The candidate will ignore the question and > deliver > rehearsed remarks designed to appeal to undecided women voters. The > opponent > will then have one minute to respond by trying to frighten senior > citizens > into voting for him. When a speaker's time has expired, will whimper > softly > while he continues to spew incomprehensible statistics for three more > minutes. > > Let's start with the vice president. Mr. Gore, can you give us the > name of a > downtrodden citizen and then tell us his or her story in a way that > strains > the bounds of common sense? > > Gore: As I was saying to Tipper last night after we tenderly made > love the > way we have so often during the 30 years of our rock-solid marriage, > the > downtrodden have a clear choice in this election. My opponent wants > to cut > taxes for the richest 1 percent of Americans. I, on the other hand, > want to > put the richest 1 percent in an iron clad lockbox so they can't hurt > old > people like Roberta Frampinhamper, who is here tonight. Mrs. > Frampinhamper > has been selling her internal organs, one by one, to pay for gas so > that she > can travel to these debates and personify problems for me. Also, her > poodle > has arthritis. > > Lehrer: Gov. Bush, your rebuttal. > > Bush: Governors are on the front lines every day, hugging people, > crying > with them, relieving suffering anywhere a photo opportunity exists. I > want > to empower those crying people to make their own decisions, unlike my > opponent, whose mother is not Barbara Bush. > > Lehrer: Let's turn to foreign affairs. Gov. Bush, if Slobodan > Milosevic were > to launch a bid to return to power in Yugoslavia, would you be able > to > pronounce his name? > > Bush: The current administration had eight years to deal with that > guy and > didn't get it done. If I'm elected, the first thing I would do about > that > guy is have Dick Cheney confer with our allies. And then Dick would > present > me several options for dealing with that guy. And then Dick would > tell me > which one to choose. You know, as governor of Texas, I have to make > tough > foreign policy decisions every day about how we're going to deal with > New > Mexico. > > Lehrer: Mr. Gore, your rebuttal. > > Gore: Foreign policy is something I've always been keenly interested > in. I > served my country in Vietnam. I had an uncle who was a victim of > poison gas > in World War I. I myself lost a leg in the Franco-Prussian War. And > when > that war was over, I came home and tenderly made love to Tipper in a > way > that any undecided woman voter would find romantic. If I'm entrusted > with > the office of president, I pledge to deal knowledgeably with any > threat, > foreign or domestic, by putting it in an iron clad lockbox. Because > the > American people deserve a president who can comfort them with simple > metaphors. > > Lehrer: Vice President Gore, how would you reform the Social Security > system? > > Gore: It's a vital issue, Jim. That's why Joe Lieberman and I have > proposed > changing the laws of mathematics to allow us to give $50,000 to every > senior > citizen without having it cost the federal treasury a single penny > until the > year 2250. In addition, my budget commits $60 trillion over the next > 10 > years to guarantee that all senior citizens can have drugs delivered > free to > their homes every Monday by a federal employee who will also help > them with > the child-proof cap. > > Lehrer: Gov. Bush? > > Bush: That's fuzzy math. I know, because as governor of Texas, I have > to do > math every day. I have to add up the numbers and decide whether I'm > going to > fill potholes out on Rt. 36 east of Abilene or commit funds to reroof > the > sheep barn at the Texas state fairgrounds. > > Lehrer: It's time for closing statements. > > Gore: I'm my own man. I may not be the most exciting politician, but > I will > fight for the working families of America, in addition to turning the > White > House into a lusty pit of marital love for Tipper and me. > > Bush: It's time to put aside the partisanship of the past by electing > no one > but Republicans. > > Lehrer: Good night. __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! Messenger - Talk while you surf! It's FREE. http://im.yahoo.com/ <A HREF="http://www.ctrl.org/">www.ctrl.org</A> DECLARATION & DISCLAIMER ========== CTRL is a discussion & informational exchange list. Proselytizing propagandic screeds are unwelcomed. Substance—not soap-boxing—please! These are sordid matters and 'conspiracy theory'—with its many half-truths, mis- directions and outright frauds—is used politically by different groups with major and minor effects spread throughout the spectrum of time and thought. 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