-Caveat Lector- <http://www.nydailynews.com/2001-02-28/News_and_Views/Beyond_the_City/a-1015 18.asp> Brother's Pal Can Cure Hill's Ills Our new junior senator might feel like a whole new Hillary if she gives the folks at Gero Vita International a call. Gero Vita is the elixir company owned by Glenn Braswell, who paid Hugh Rodham $200,000 after he received a presidential pardon. Braswell was convicted back in 1983 of fraud involving supposed cures for baldness and cellulite. He surely would not have been awarded a pardon if he was still selling fake remedies, so we can assume that the herbal concoctions he continues to peddle over the Internet have a de facto presidential seal of approval. A whiz like Hillary has no present need for Braswell's BrainPower pill, which his Web site says "keeps the mind thriving and growing well into your later years." She likewise seems to do fine without Mind Extender, an "exclusive formula" that "keeps you sharp, alert and focused to handle the complexities of everyday life." One item Hillary might consider is Memory Caps. The Web site promises that a $29.95 bottle of these pills would help her "jump-start the storage and recall functions of the brain," thanks in part to the powers of a "Chinese food additive" called zingiber officinale. Hillary might even remember some particulars of what she termed the "many, many people" who spoke to her about pardons or "asked me to pass on information" to the White House counsel's office. "With Memory Caps, you can hold onto your memory once and for all," the Gero Vita site promises. In the midst of yet another scandal where much of the country doubts her word, Hillary might also want to try Stress Eliminator. "If you're feeling the daily pressures of work, family and other commitments, life can become an overwhelming burden," the Web site notes. "Use Stress Eliminator, and you can maintain a healthy, well-balanced, stress-free routine." The Web site also offers an array of energy enhancers that might come in handy for a woman who is under continued onslaught by a vast right-wing conspiracy. NADH Energizer promises "energy where you need it most ‹ at the cellular level." Theragize enables you to "give your body what it needs and end your personal energy crisis." Energy Release Formula "makes use of a unique delivery system," this being a spray bottle that facilitates spritzing the stuff under the tongue. "Tiny molecules called liposomes carry high-energy nutrients that immediately penetrate the mucous tissue in your mouth," the Web site says. "Don't wait for hours ‹ feel the burst of vigor and pep." A product for which Hillary would have no personal use is Prostata, a prostate potion that Braswell advertised with photos of sports figures such as Stan Musial "who waited too long." Musial filed suit, and in a deposition four months before his pardon, Braswell is said to have taken the Fifth Amendment 136 times in two hours. Other Braswell products include Line-Eliminator, to "restore your skin to a lustrous, taut and youthful glow." Adoxynol CoQ10 is described as an "essential life-extension formula." Teston Cream/Intimax offers "a two-step program for sensational sex." Hillary might prefer Gero-Vita G.H.3, a "premier longevity/anti-aging formula" similar to one offered by a Romanian clinic to "wealthy celebrities and politicians." "It helps with just a little bit of everything, actually," said the woman who answered Gero Vita's toll-free number yesterday. The woman was asked about Himalayan Life Formula, the Web site's "product of the week," described as "renowned for propelling your life into motion, rejuvenating you for the day that lies ahead." "This one's brand new," the woman said. "I don't know a lot about it." The woman then took the reporter's order for several potions, the effects of which will be duly reported in the weeks ahead. The reporter noted that the Web site reports Gero Vita is based in Canada, which happens to be where Hugh's payment originated. Hugh returned the money, but the pardon stands for the man whose potions could produce a whole new reporter, if not a whole new Hillary. ================================================================= Kadosh, Kadosh, Kadosh, YHVH, TZEVAOT FROM THE DESK OF: *Michael Spitzer* <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Best Way To Destroy Enemies Is To Change Them To Friends ================================================================= <A HREF="http://www.ctrl.org/">www.ctrl.org</A> DECLARATION & DISCLAIMER ========== CTRL is a discussion & informational exchange list. Proselytizing propagandic screeds are unwelcomed. Substance—not soap-boxing—please! 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