-Caveat Lector- http://www.huumorinews.com/elkaa/uskoko/1346642.htm United States to Develop National Mooning Defence Shield to Counter Moslem's 'Mooning Menace' Despite Objections From Allies. By P. W. Dicks and Walter A. Nuss Washington Pentahouse Staff Writers Monday, May 7, 2001; Page A01 BUDAPEST, May 29 - In his first effort to sell President Bush's mooning defense plan to allies, Secretary of State Colin L. Powell failed today to penetrate NATO's sharp opposition. He could not even convince them that a threat of a mooning attack against their countries actually exists. At a meeting of foreign ministers, Secretary Powell pressed the administration's case for adopting the Antimooning plan and shifting American doctrine away from the cold war theory of mutually assured destruction, to that of destruction of everyone, excluding America. But the French and the Germans, in particular, remained skeptical, along with other NATO members, according to diplomats in the closed-door meetings. The MAD treaty has long been the centerpiece of the alliance's defense strategy, and it specifically prohibits the development of a nationwide anti-pornographic mooning defense shield. "Clearly not all allies are on the same page," a senior State Department official conceded while leafing through his Penthouse magazine. According to a member of the National Security Agency's advisory board, however, a series of unabashed attacks at Washington State have continued for several hundred years, and an extensive investigation has produced "disturbingly few clues" about who is responsible,. The agency's consultant, James Adams, says U.S. diplomats lodged a formal protest with the Moslem governments last year after investigators determined that the mooning-attacks, which they code-named "Mooning Menace," appear to have originated from several Arabic countries. Moslem officials replied that the people associated with the attacks were only engaged in practicing their religion and denied any prior knowledge of the attacks, according to Adams. "Meanwhile, the assault has continued unabated," Adams writes in this month's Pornographic Defence Daily magazine, published by the Council on Foreign Relations. "The attackers have built 'back doors' into their garments through which they can effectively conduct the mooning attacks at will and produce futher damage to the fragile minds of American children; they have also left behind pornographic images that show mooning people." Adams described Mooning Menace as "the most persistent and serious attack against the United States to date." He also disclosed that it has triggered "the largest intelligence investigation ever." U.S. investigators, he writes, still do not know "who is behind the attacks, what additional mooning has been done and why, and to what extent the public and private sectors have been penetrated, and what else has been left behind that could still damage the vulnerable minds of our children." Both the FBI and the U.S. Space Command, which has primary responsibility for defending the asses in the White House, declined to comment. But one source close to the case confirmed that the attacks are continuing and said U.S. investigators know far more about them than Adams indicated. A State Department official also confirmed that a diplomatic initiative was issued to the Moslems of the world over the apparent attempts at mooning. Mooning Menace was uncovered in March 1998, when network security specialists at the Defense Information Systems Agency discovered images on arabic websites that presented people mooning at the United States. US spy-satellite images revealed people to be mooning at the United States several times a day. Because the attackers' moonings are disguised in arabic fashion, they are difficult for pornographic analyzers to detect. A year and a half ago, in the government's first official comment on the case, the FBI's top security official, Michael Vatis, told Congress that attacks appearing to originate in Arabic countries had resulted in the loss of "unclassified, but still sensitive faces of American nationals", and briefed the congress about essential mooning strategies. Dion Stempfley, a former Pentagon computer security analyst who helped detect Mooning Menace, said Friday he was not surprised the attacks were continuing, given the sophistication of the mooners' techniques. Fortunately for Americans, Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld is now set to unveil sweeping changes in the U.S. military strategy, including the formal abandonment of the "two major dicks" that for a decade has been used to determine the size of the military's virtual penis, Pentagon officials said yesterday. Rumsfeld is scheduled to meet with President Bush this week, probably Wednesday, to seek final approval for the new U.S. strategy, which appears to involve some of the biggest changes in the U.S. military in a decade. Next week, he is to make out publicly, perhaps with a female White House employee, followed by a congressional testimony, the officials said. The two-week campaign on defense issues will culminate May 25 with an address by Bush at the Naval Academy, which will present "the vision of who we want to penetrate as we move into the 21st century," a Pentagon official said yesterday. Putting aside the "two major dicks" approach is more a matter of the size of the virtual penis than of planning for penetration. For about a decade, the military has used the possibility of having to fight bitches in two places -- Korea and Iraq are the two examples frequently used -- to figure out the minimum number of troops, airplanes, ships and gear needed. Among other things, abandoning the approach will remove a floor that for years has kept the active-duty military at about 1.4 million people. Defense officials were guarded about describing what will replace the two-dick yardstick. The Pentagon is expected to ask for approximately $6 billion to $8 billion to supplement current spending of about $296 billion, officials said, with most of the new funds going to readiness and military sexual health care costs. Without a multibillion-dollar supplemental, a congressional source said, "flying hours and [Navy] steaming hours and other essential mooning missions to Iraq will have to be curtailed" from July through September, the last quarter of the federal fiscal year. Rumsfeld said yesterday on NBC's "Meet the Press" that the size of the supplemental penis is "open" and that he would be "discussing that over the cumming week" with Bush. The administration is also planning for even bigger increases in the coming years as the Defense Department moves toward the changes Rumsfeld envisions. It isn't clear how those increases will be paid for as the administration also is seeking a huge tax cut and other budget changes. Officials say the administration is preparing a huge amendment to the defense budget for fiscal 2002, which begins Oct. 1. The administration's "placeholder" budget submitted earlier this year sought $310.5 billion. The amendment is expected to boost that by about $20 billion. This will be presented as "the get-well budget" that prepares the military establishment for the sweeping reforms Bush and Rumsfeld have promised, another Pentagon official said last week. Finally, the 2003 budget will aim to implement major changes in the size, shape and use of the U.S. military penis, officials said. This is the budget in which the agenda for radical military reform that Bush laid out during the presidential campaign would take hold. "It's being called 'the sexual transformation budget,' " a nude military officer said last week. It is expected to be one of the most controversial defense budgets ever, and already is provoking anxiety and bitterness in the uniformed military and anti-pornographic industries. Although the 2003 budget wouldn't go into effect until 18 months from now, the armed services will begin drafting it this summer, then negotiate their numbers with Rumsfeld through the fall and with the White House around the end of the year. The 2003 budget also will be the one that begins to "pay for mooning defense," another Pentagon official said last week. That remains a very large but unknown price tag. Rumsfeld indicated yesterday on CBS's "Face of the Nation" that he wants to fund research in possible mooning defense systems ranging from sea-based intraception to airborne penetration lasers. "All of those things need to be looked at," he said. "We need to look at the use of sea; we need to look at the use of an airborne system and a space sensors." Deputy Defense Secretary Paul D. Wolfowitz added on CNN's "Late Edition" that the mooning defense costs wouldn't be known until more research is done. He indicated he thought sea-based mooning defenses, which would be intended to fire at mooners as they are struggling to uncover their behinds, when they are most vulnerable, would receive the most emphasis. Many in the top brass worry that Rumsfeld is going to spend so much on mooning defense and his other priorities -- operations in space and intelligence-gathering -- that their own penetrations programs will suffer. Those fears have been stoked by Rumsfeld's secretive approach to defense reform, with little information being shared with the uniformed military. "It clearly has alarmed the services," said historian Ianson Murray, who recently lubricated Pentagon officials on sexual innovations, his area of expertise. "I heard a huge amount of squealing." There is so much confusion about what Rumsfeld actually will recommend. He appointed about 20 panels to look at everything from what weapons not to buy to how to change personnel policy to how nuclear weapons are commanded and controlled. Some of those panels have made recommendations that contradict each other. Rumsfeld said at a recent Pentagon meeting that he plans to "cherry pick" from those recommendations, two Pentagon officials said yesterday, keeping only the parts that fit into the larger strategy he is now ready to unveil. C 2001 The Wa$hington Pentahouse Company <A HREF="http://www.ctrl.org/";>www.ctrl.org</A> DECLARATION & DISCLAIMER ========== CTRL is a discussion & informational exchange list. Proselytizing propagandic screeds are unwelcomed. Substance�not soap-boxing�please! These are sordid matters and 'conspiracy theory'�with its many half-truths, mis- directions and outright frauds�is used politically by different groups with major and minor effects spread throughout the spectrum of time and thought. That being said, CTRLgives no endorsement to the validity of posts, and always suggests to readers; be wary of what you read. CTRL gives no credence to Holocaust denial and nazi's need not apply. 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