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MEMO
From: Bin Laden, Osama
Sent: Monday, November 19, 2001 8:17 AM To: Cavemates Subject: The Cave Hi guys.
We've all been putting in long hours but we've really come
together as a group and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for putting up the
poster that says "There is no I in Team" as well as the one that says "Hang In
There, Baby." That cat is hilarious. However, while we are fighting a jihad, we
can't forget to take care of the cave. And frankly I have a few
concerns.
First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise
missiles, we should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. Hey,
you don't want to be stung and neither do I, so we need to sweep the cave daily.
I've posted a sign-up sheet near the main cave opening. If it catches fire try
to remember when your week is.
Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do,
I'm trying to scare the most powerful country on earth, okay? That means that
while we're taping, please refrain from trolling around on your razor scooter in
the background. Just while we're taping. Thanks. This would be
helpful.
Third point, and this is a touchy one. As you know, by edict,
we're not supposed to shave our beards. But I need everyone to just think
hygiene, especially after mealtime. We're all in this together.
Fourth: Food. I bought a box of Cheez-Itz recently,
clearly wrote "Osama" on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today,
my Cheez-Its were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
Finally, we've heard that there may be American soldiers in
disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for
them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar, and Bob.
Love you lots.
Osama ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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