| http://www.almartinraw.com/column57.html Idle Afghan Women and Other Terrorist Threats by Al Martin According to a Reuters news story called "US Planes Rain Money on South Afghan Areas," American aircraft are dropping money over Afghanistan - again. C-130 transport aircraft are once more dropping 10,000-afghani bills over south Afghanistan and Pakistan. The Reuters story quotes "Malik Zahir Khan," a resident of Spin Boldak (the name of the town sounds like it's right out of Star Wars) who said another person had found a complete bundle of 800,000 afghani. "I found eight bills of 10,000 afghani each," says Khan. The afghani is quoted at around 40,000 to the dollar. (FindLaw.com) It should be noted that this Reuters story also confirmed information from a previous Al Martin Raw column, which reported that in February, 2002, US aircraft dropped envelopes with a picture of President Bush, containing two $100 bills over the same area. (See Al Martin Raw column, Clueless in Afghanistan) Now the Afghans are taking their blocks of afghanis to Pakistan to buy microwave ovens. The Pakistanis have been complaining because the Afghans are creating a tremendous run on microwave ovens. Pakistani merchants say that they can't get them from Japan fast enough because the Afghans keep buying all of their microwave ovens. And what do they have to microwave? The US Army has put together special MRE's (Meals Ready To Eat) that have lamb and rice in them. The Afghan peasantry see these boxes, and they have no idea what it is. All they know is that you put it in, push the button, and it comes out hot. So the Afghan women are going to have a lot of time on their hands because they're not spending eight hours cooking the lamb and rice anymore. Uh-oh, we see a new terrorist threat coming - idle Afghan women. This could very well be the next problem in the war on terrorism. Idle Afghan women - a potential new source of terrorism. You read it here first. . . . . In other news, the Tampa International Airport is testing a new body-scanning device. When you see the pictures, you'll know that it leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination. It has been discovered by the FBI that security employees operating these machines (they say they're voluntary, but as the ACLU points out they wouldn't be spending millions of dollars on them if they were to stay "voluntary") have been selling some of the pictures of particularly attractive women to certain pornographic websites for cash payments -- in an envelope, shall we say. Because of this device, a new black market is developing. Apparently there is a segment of the pornographic market that is interested in this material and is willing to pay for it. You can also expect a black market for the coming National ID Cards. That is really an unknown at this time, but airport security photo porno is happening now. One employee turned whistleblower against all the others. She said that some of her male colleagues had been selling these photos of particularly attractive women to a website for $20 a piece. You can imagine the employees saying, "Excuse me, Ma'am, could you turn around a couple times?" In another story in Newsweek, called "A Street Fight," Evan Thomas says that the CIA calls US-made helicopters "flying coffins." "So the agency bought a better chopper from the Russians…" writes Thomas, confirming previous Al Martin Raw columns on US helicopter crashes due to spare parts that don't work because they have been "outsourced" to shadowy offshore corporations controlled by the Chinese government. (See "Fraud the American Way of Life") Another news story published in the Christian Science Monitor in March claims that Fruit Loops have become so popular among Afghan prisoners that they don't want to leave Guantanamo anymore. Afghans, who are used to a very low-calorie low-sugar diet have evidently become hooked on Fruit Loops -- that well advertised, brightly-colored, sugar-saturated All-American cereal. In fact, Fruit Loops are now being used to torture prisoners being held at Guantanamo. According to insider reports, Army Intelligence interrogators love Fruit Loops, and they're now using FLP (Fruit Loop Torture) on the hapless Afghan prisoners. In the room that's used for interrogation, there's a metal chair bolted to the floor. They sit the rag heads down in it. There's also a nut and bolt arrangement in the front of the seat. That's where their waist chain belts are bolted in so they can't get up. What they do, then, is put a big bowl of Fruit Loops just out of reach of the rag head, and they say to the rag head, "Hey, you want that big bowl of Fruit Loops? Then you'd better start answering all of our questions." Apparently this new interrogation tactic has been quite successful. A brigadier general has been quoted as saying that they're starting to get more information out of the prisoners. It's because of the FLT (Fruit Loop Torture) they're using. They've also been having some disturbances in the prison camp, like hunger strikes. The catalyst for these disturbances was evidently the announcement that Fruit Loops were going to be replaced with Rice Crispies. That created the hunger strike, people hitting their heads against the wall, and so on. A major who is also a doctor has even submitted a report, which states that these prisoners have become chemically dependent on Fruit Loops. He said it was like cocaine. He went on to elaborate on his contention, saying that these are people who like fruit, but have very little access to it. They normally have an extremely low-sugar diet. What happens is that if you put the fruit, which they naturally like, together with a high-sugar content, he says it's like cocaine to them. When these people get shipped back, they'll have to go through some sort of dependency treatment program - just to get them off the Fruit Loops. The Fruit Loop Jones is hard to beat. Now the latest report from Guantanamo confirms that some of the rag-heads don't even want to leave - even though they're chained up 22 hours a day. Like rats in a lab, who are hooked on this stuff, some of the rag-heads have even told their captors that they don't want to go back -- ever. Why? Because there are no Fruit Loops in Afghanistan. |
