-Caveat Lector- >From http://www.dfw.com/mld/startelegram/news/columnists/dave_lieber/4288050.htm
Posted on Tue, Oct. 15, 2002 Nothing fond about farewell to Armey Dave Lieber commentary A congressman from our area, House Majority Leader Dick Armey, R-Flower Mound, is a tacky man. In less than three months, he will be out of office, and we will no longer have to listen to his stupid comments. His son, Scott Armey, who could not win the House seat even though he shares his daddy's name, will still be a federal employee, thanks to political patronage. But neither father nor son will be an elected official, and for that, we should say a small prayer of thanks. What motivates my call for prayer? Dick Armey's latest stunt. Still fuming over a series that The Dallas Morning News published on the eve of his son's loss in the Republican primary in April, Armey tried to pull an unbelievable power play this month. He attempted to insert language into a military appropriations bill that would have forced the Morning News' parent company, Belo, to sell one of its three media properties in the region. His Belo-related amendment alluded to, but did not name, these Belo properties: WFAA/Channel 8, the Morning News and the Denton Record- Chronicle. Armey's amendment stated that any media company that owns a network-affiliated TV station; a newspaper with a Sunday circulation of at least 750,000 that doesn't have a competitor with a Sunday circulation exceeding 350,000; and a second daily newspaper with a Sunday circulation of 25,000 or less -- all in the same market -- would have to divest the smallest property. That type of vague language is how lawmakers have historically inserted last-minute amendments that aid cronies or target enemies. Therefore, in celebration of Armey's pending retirement, I suggest that the following amendments -- based on incidents culled from his career -- be inserted into bills: • The Mispronounced Name Amendment: Applies to any congressional leader who in 1995 referred to an openly gay congressman with a term that rhymes with rag. The leader shall be forced to wear, for an entire year, a rainbow-colored tie with the words "Ask me what my first name is." • The Fool-Me-Twice-Shame-on-You Amendment: Applies to any congressional leader who apologized for the above incident and then in 2000 made another derogatory joke about the same congressman. The leader shall be forced to do aerobics exercises with Richard Simmons on live television. • The Failed Coup Amendment: Pertains to any top House leader who tried to orchestrate the ouster in 1997 of his boss, then-House Speaker Newt Gingrich, and, when asked about it later, did not tell the truth about his role. The leader shall be forced to tell the story of George Washington and the cherry tree to every first-grader in Flower Mound. • The Thanks for the Memories Amendment: Applies to any congressional leader who spread a false report on the House floor that comedian Bob Hope had died. The leader shall be forced to serve as an unpaid intern for Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-N.Y., for no less than one year. • The False Pretenses Fund-raiser: Relates to any congressional leader who had a fund- raiser for his re-election campaign on Dec. 6 with Vice President Dick Cheney in Dallas, then announced six days later that he had no intention of running again. The leader shall repay, with interest, the more than $400,000 his campaign received from contributors. • The Misleading Signs Amendment: Pertains to any congressional leader whose son has lost a primary to replace him in Congress. If supporters put up signs stating "Support the Armey Flat Tax" to confuse voters into thinking that the father was running for re-election, the congressional leader shall remove the nails from each wood stake using his front teeth. • The Father-Son Nepotism Amendment: Relates to any congressman who helped get his son a job as the regional administrator for the General Services Administration in a city whose name is Fort Worth. If the father and son said afterward that the son got the plum patronage job on his own merits, then the congressional leader shall be forced to tell the story of George Washington and the cherry tree to every second-grader in Flower Mound. You get the idea. Dick Armey's career has been one long comic routine of cheap tricks, half- truths and foolish remarks. In a few months, the area will start fresh with a new congressman who can restore dignity to the office as the people's representative. Good riddance. Dave Lieber's Column Appears Sundays, Tuesdays and Fridays. (817) 685-3830 [EMAIL PROTECTED] © 2001 startelegram and wire service sources. All Rights Reserved. http://www.dfw.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A<>E<>R + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + Forwarded as information only; I don't believe everything I read or send (but that doesn't stop me from considering it; obviously SOMEBODY thinks it's important) + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. section 107, this material is distributed without charge or profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving this type of information for non-profit research and educational purposes only. + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. 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