this is all psycho-talk !
--- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, "one.li...@..." <one.li...@...> wrote:
>
> Ammachi: A Western Renunciate's Experiences behind the Scenes
>
> I feel so relieved to finally be free from this 7 year long damaging
> dependency
> with Mata Amritanandamayi and her organization. Although the depths of my
> devotion were seemingly bottomless, and I would have done anything to gain
> her favor, somehow I have managed to extract myself from this bona fide cult
> masquerading as a charitable
> organization. I am relieved to know that others too are waking up from the
> intricate web of
> subterfuge. I struggled for the last two years trying to imagine life without
> the guru, and I
> know how hard it is to undo the neural connections linking Amma to every
> aspect of
> thought. I understand why for some it will be extremely difficult or
> downright impossible
> to break the bonds of this mind controlling sect. The truth about the Hugging
> Saint and the ancient manipulative techniques she employs, along with the
> scandals her devotees have
> orchestrated will sober up the more astute among us. But the hordes of
> unsuspecting, innocent, guileless infants having divorced their real parents
> and lives, in
> order to clutch full-time to their Amma dolls, with mantras for pacifiers,
> while jockeying for
> Amma's mere glance, I feel really sorry for. Nothing can help them because
> the elaborate
> programming won't allow any thoughts contrary to that of Amma being god. Even
> rational
> people will have a hard time accepting that what they gave all their time,
> resources and
> heart to was merely a charismatic bamboozling village girl. Even those who
> have left (and
> there are many) are still subtly afraid of retribution from Amma psychically
> or more
> tangibly from her army of ardent devotees.
>
> In Amritapuri, India, I was not quite in the innermost circle but had
> revealing
> contact for years with those closest to Amma and by all measure would be
> considered an
> insider. Being very outgoing myself I made friends with all who didn't hate
> me because of
> my frequent close proximity to Amma and her personal handmaidens. I got in
> with
> all the high ups to glean insight into Amma's mystical world. I wasn't shy in
> my
> conquests and thereby gained access which others could not. I rode on the
> waves of bliss as I
> got to do special tasks for Ammachi and before Ammachi. I reveled in being
> needed and called
> while everyone else chopped vegetables. I reverently breathed, meditated and
> did
> continuous awareness exercises which amplified my bliss to unprecedented
> heights. Amma
> seemed to like it. Unfortunately, most if not many people skimp on the
> practices and
> spend their time doing selfless service, moping around in "devotional"
> yearning, or
> gossiping and stuffing their faces at the western canteen. I took a more
> maniacal approach
> toward everything from diet to speech to every moment of my day being
> accounted for.
> It was very revealing and not by any means the only time in my life I
> experienced
> altered states of consciousness. (I do take the stand that it can all be
> explained
> scientifically even Amma's psychic abilities. We laypersons just get
> flabbergasted when someone has somewhat refined their mental energy and
> mistake them for god.) It all went
> well, the visions of various deities, loud music spontaneously in ears, the
> exalted
> emotional states. Eventually reality seeped back in and my life became a
> struggle to earn enough
> money to go to India and get my fix year after year. Each time a little more
> magic
> evaporated, yet I still decided to become a renunciate (a full time resident
> who gives their life
> to the ashram) It only costs $16,000 if interested. But I noticed people were
> growing
> more unhealthy, the air quality seemed to get exponentially worse, the water
> filters
> seemed to be rusting and my duties became more clear. The honeymoon was over.
> One
> angelic young girl actually died of a tumor that spread throughout her whole
> body. She
> was 18 and spent almost her entire life there. I personally believe she died
> because
> of lack of nutrition and the toxins in the air and water surrounding the
> ashram. Of course
> Amma in her omniscience suggested tuberculosis and sent
> her to AIMS (one of Amma's hospitals) only to be misdiagnosed and screwed
> around for
> the last year of her life. Finally when they found the tumor it was too late.
> This
> compounded with the sheer insanity of virtually all the residents, the
> inability to get healthy
> nourishment, Amma's rehearsed daily routine, everyone's angry pent up
> explosive sexual energy,
> and the now complete impossibility to find any solitude or even quiet
> anywhere at any
> time within the ashram, had me at my wits end. I started to question where
> this conforming,
> contentious, fearful, repressed new personality I adopted was going to lead
> me.
> Would I become as neurotic, diseased, insalubrious as so many long term
> inmates of the
> asylum had become? Would I stay there an adulating sycophant, fearful of the
> world,
> believing the apocalyptic hype promoted by her minions-- that we are the
> chosen few,
> liberation is ours through service, everyone else in the world is perishing
> in the fire of
> worldliness, Amma will save us from the cataclysm sure to come in the western
> world? I
> decided that I had had enough. I embraced the world as Amma claims to do
> while actually alienating her robots. I think many people there want to leave
> but have become so neurotic that they can't even communicate to others now
> without using their Amma speak or judging and
> condemning people for not being as "spiritual". Many want out, but the
> prospect of life
> middle-aged in some cold European city, financially destitute from all the
> touring with Amma
> seems too overwhelming. Others want out but are lost in their youth and have
> no job
> skills, education, dietary control, or interest in sports and are subject to
> depression
> in the world. A great catalyst for me has been the outdoors. There are many
> nurturing
> friendships to be made in the world of outdoor sports. I really hope more
> people will become
> educated on cult dynamics and educate others. Inspiration for me was also in
> the form of
> Krishnamurti, The Guru Papers by Alstad, and guruphylliac whose website has
> many
> provocative articles on Amma and is a vast resource of links to other
> informative websites.
>
> Amma has blabbered many things in India which went completely over the heads
> of even those sitting around her. I would look around shocked at times on
> chai stops (stops on India tours) like "I can't believe she just said that,
> did you hear that?". Unfortunately none of this is published. She always
> lectures how national sovereignty fosters bigotry and unequal wealth
> distribution. She is all about tipping the scales so India gets more, just
> read her UN speech. She is talking like it's the UN is the hand of god that
> can wipe out poverty, uplift women. You'd think in all her omnipresence she
> would know what a bunch of scoundrels she was supplicating. Amma
> has foreseen the collapse of western civilization, she speaks about it as
> karmically inescapable. She warns about natural disaster as imminent and the
> dollar being equal to the rupee. She hasn't gone as far to say that we will
> be a cashless, martial law enforced society with credits being our only
> wealth and no constitutional rights but she likes to paint a grim picture.
> And she has said that one day international order will reign as the governing
> force. She says it like it's a matter of fact. But this will not be found on
> amritapuri.org because she's said these kinds of things when westerners used
> to ask her questions on Tuesdays and on chai stops. Amma is very careful
> about what is published by the math. She personally reads the final editions
> and has the swamis who know well her agendas get it to there. She is much
> more careful now than she was just 5 years ago.
>
> I have been in a room where Amma was meditating I have sat in her personal
> house while she rehearsed songs with brahmacharinis. I have felt intoxicated
> at times and other times driven to tears, and I have also felt nothing at
> all. It is subjective. These emotional states, nervous tremors, are
> experiences that are felt around Amma. Or one could argue that she can
> transmit some energy but for what purpose? To get people hooked is exactly
> what she is doing; I have had numerous personal conversations with her. And
> frankly she is quite patronizing, elliptical and aloof. She is mocking,
> condescending or pretending, rather poorly to be overly caring. She delights
> in causing mental turmoil, all part of "surrendering the ego". But it's true;
> too many people are too terrified of her to really have any meaningful
> dialogue. Of course she makes herself appear busy and it's very difficult to
> corner her or question her at all. Then when you finally do there is no
> meaningful dialogue, only authoritarianism. You can't get anywhere with her.
> She'll say it's your ego that wants to come assert yourself before the master
> and that a true disciple is
> quiet like a mouse, listening and assimilating the teachings. I see how it
> can be seen as the
> fault of the devotees around her cringing in reverence, tradition and
> conformity. But it is not
> their fault, they are brainwashed by Amma to accept this conformity as
> discipline. One can see this during her satsangs on Tuesdays in Amritapuri
> where she lectures endlessly on ashram dharma and appropriate behavior. Most
> do not have enough experience to really know the extent of the deception and
> programming. Amma claims nothing yet has Disney marketing executives buying
> her CNN time. Amma is her organization, it is her creation. The truth is the
> people closest to her are the most programmed and spineless. That's the only
> way they ignore the truth boiling within, that something is wrong with Amma.
> She can't keep assertive people in her folds, they leave. Go see what the
> endless game of pretense and suppression will bestow.
>
> Thanks for coming out and sharing your experiences in Amritapuri. I am glad
> you brought up the issue of deplorable working conditions in which Westerners
> and Indians are taking part of, as seva. For renunciates seva is not elective
> and for visitors it is strongly suggested. For most it is
> mundane and something like vegetable chopping or washing clothes (with a very
> nasty Indian detergent but probably no worse than the usual stuff found in
> the states), but for the
> Others it can be working in the cassette stall, or the printing press, or
> gluing newsletters. These sevas are very nasty and one must breathe very
> crude chemicals nonstop. Many are sick
> Western and Indian alike but as A mentioned it's not just from the working
> conditions but also the tainted water supply. The filtered water there is so
> bad it tastes way harsher than any tap water I have ever had the misfortune
> of tasting here in the US. The water is clearly rusty and filthy. Of course,
> with everyone in that densely populated coconut jungle, burning their trash
> (consisting mostly of plastic) every morning as their means of disposal, one
> can't expect air quality to be much better. The food is laden in chemicals
> outlawed in the US and frequently one can find plumes of smoke coming from
> trucks which is DDT used to kill disease spreading
> mosquitoes. The sugar used for chain and sweets is so coated with DDT the
> ants won't even attempt to carry it off. The backwaters are frighteningly
> polluted with
> feces and all manner of abomination. So, it is no wonder that many long term
> resident W Westerners with their 1st world immune systems are looking
> terrifyingly unhealthy. If they aren't gaunt from self inflicted starvation
> they are obese with that nutritionally deficient food they must eat more and
> more of just to get a little nutritionist's a toxic place no doubt, that
> epicenter Ammachi's brand of spirituality. Ammachi doesn't limit her verbal
> abuse to hippies; she
> likes to make fun of obese people, Japanese, overly devotional and gays.
> These are just the things I have personally witnessed.
>
> I was involved with Ammachi for 7.5 years. I was probably around her
> physically for over half that
> total time. I was a college student when I met her. I was finding that
> science knew little about subtle energy and I thought Ammachi was a better
> teacher. I started realizing how confusing and misguided the organization was
> slowly and it built up more and more in the latter 4 years. I started seeing
> how Amma manipulates people, how greedy she is, how hypocritical, and how
> contradictory her teachings are. I was very involved, had given much mental
> energy, time and money so it was difficult to sever. But the truth weighed in
> and I couldn't stand to be in her presence eventually.
>
> P, First of all, where does all that money really go? I have been told it is
> to support the poor through Amma's orphanages, hospitals, etc. Is that true,
> in your experience? If it's not, where is it all going?
>
> The charities are a front. It is my experience that the money is going to 1.
> Amma's family. Check out her sister's mansion across the backwaters, replete
> with razor
> sharp shrubs encircling it. 2. Her personal luxuries. Check out her Mercedes
> Benz
> camper and matching 2005 600 series v8 sedan. Combined retail about $400,000.
> "Oh it was
> a donation" they all whisper. Well if Amma is serious about relieving the
> suffering as Schindler was in the end of Schindlers list then why doesn't she
> hock them and
> put some food into the bellies of some of the countless starving people in
> her province?
> And 3. Her empire. Her medical college which she has the audacity to call
> charitable is
> one of three medical colleges in the area of Cochin. It is a capitalist
> venture. They
> charge admission and they aren't the cheapest either. Her schools (again
> allegedly charitable)
> are little private schools with stout tuitions. If you go on an Indian tour
> you will be
> surprised to know that ads for these institutions are blaring all night
> long-- "give your
> child a wholesome education at Amrita Vidyalayam". Her money is going into
> generating
> more money. Possibly into the hands of various political groups in India, she
> allegedly built scores of houses. The truth is those numbers are greatly
> exaggerated and she does it with much
> government funding! She exaggerates everything to get media recognition. The
> number of people she's hugged is a lie too btw. She has too be filmed from
> every
> possible angle every time she gives anything. I was there when she gave to
> tsunami victims. It
> was the biggest orchestrated event ever. What she gave them couldn't have
> lasted them
> for more than a couple days either. She even went to someplace I can't recall
> to give
> darshan to tsunami victims where another organization was in the process of
> clearing land
> to build them houses. The organization was a Christian fellowship and one man
> was
> furious because he claimed Amma was trying to steal recognition for their
> charity. And
> don't think Amma is Unitarian. She is Hindu as they come. As a matter of
> fact, I know
> swami Amritagitananda was sent to the province of Tamil Nadu to intervene
> when some
> Christian missionaries were trying to teach some villagers about Christ. She
> sent him to
> turn them into devotees of her.
>
> How can Amma hold up so many hours hugging people? It is said
> it's because she has supernatural powers. It sounds like you attribute it to
> the lattes.
>
> The human body is capable of amazing feats. I once did seva (service) for 32
> hours straight. I was pretty delirious but as long as one eats, one can stay
> awake
> for days (I did that too). She is being fed lattes and I think it helps her
> to stay positive.
> As far as having supernatural powers, I don't think there is anything
> supernatural about sitting
> upright and hugging and talking to adulating groupies for five to twelve
> hours.
>
> P: As close as you were to her, what was the vibe behind the scenes? Is
> Amma pure love, as devotees describe her, or something else?
>
> The vibe behind the scenes is disappointing to say the least. I know that she
> talks crap about Westerners a lot. She is an ignorant Indian village girl
> deep inside and
> if you know some you know what I am talking about. They generally dislike
> Westerners
> because we're rich, fair skinned, and we are not stuck in the Indian
> socio-economic sexist
> nightmare. They also think we are foreigners who are dirtier than the lowest
> caste (the
> same cast as Amma is actually). She has said that the westerners don't know
> what hard work
> is and that we are crazy. I remember on us tour she was making fun of an
> obese westerner
> who was having trouble getting into her arms from the forced kneeling
> position. She
> said "why are Westerners so fat?" It is not pure love at all. Its cliquey
> Indian teenage type stuff.
> She is home girls with the Indians around her chair and a mystic to us
> befuddled Westerners. She is not all love and cuddles. She puts it on for the
> western crowd when she is raking in those
> dollars.
> P: You spoke about her using age-old techniques of manipulating people.
> Please describe what those were. Why do you think people get so roped in?
> What does she teach that makes them get so dependent on her? We are told that
> Ammachi says "That we are all God" But why, if she really teaches that, are
> they bowing down to her, and desperate to spend time with her, as if she's
> God and they're something inferior?
>
> The age old techniques are very concisely detailed in The Guru Papers, Google
> it
> and there are some quotes from it. It's a great book, well worth buying if
> you want to
> understand just how deep your ex-boyfriend has gone. People get roped in for
> various reasons. Many have no direction in their life when they go to Amma.
> Others are unfulfilled in their life and seeking spirituality because their
> money isn't giving them pleasure. Many are completely incapable of living a
> normal life due to mental disturbances (there are a lot of them in India).
> Few have I seen who were balanced with exercise, meaningful friendships, and
> healthy diet that got sucked in. Most are neurochemically imbalanced due to
> dead processed food and other toxins in
> their environment which they could limit. They are unhappy and rather than
> taking
> control they look to give someone else control because they don't believe
> they are capable.
> She teaches worship of her. I hate when people try to say that she has no
> doing in this. Krishnamurti never let anyone do a pada puja (worshipping
> feet) to him, he flat
> out refused to be idolized. She has a close watch over everything that is
> published. She is in control of everything and she wants to be worshipped as
> a living god. She claims to see our face in her mind every time we think of
> her, and that she can hear all of our thoughts and knows all our desires all
> the time. She likes to say that we are all god. Then she likes to drop little
> advaitic (non dual) nibbles here and there. But I really don't think she
> understands it enough or has the intellectual capacity to elaborate on the
> subject. She has said that we are all children and she can't teach applied
> physics to a kindergartener. That some are on different levels than others.
> But it seems she want us all to be on a level way beneath her holiness so she
> can steal our energy and talents and turn us into mindless immature drones.
> She is a fountain of contradiction, believe me. She definitely thinks she is
> god and I have heard
> her say it on numerous occasions. So who wouldn't want to be in the presence
> of god? Around
> her they say it is merit accumulated from thousands of years that brings one
> to the
> master and even more to stay in her presence. Which is why so many are torn
> between
> wanting to leave the crazy ****** and her gruesome scene and thinking they
> are throwing away
> their lifetimes of merit by not having the cajoles to stick out all the
> abuse. They
> stick around because they want some state of mind, like parasites feeding off
> her spunk. But
> really it is she feeding off them. They give the money. I must have give
> $30,000 and I got
> off lightly. They give the labor. They give their reason and sense and focus
> all
> their energy at her. And she laps it up.
>
> **The permission to publish this article was given by the author, the
> information for this article was collected from original posts on the Yahoo
> Examma Group.
>
