In withdrawing from FFL I have had time to reflect upon my history there and the characters I have interacted with.
It will perhaps come as a shock to some, but in reading Barry more closely and without the intense bias that has gripped me right from the start when Barry appeared to make himself immune to the effects of my posts, I have concluded that essentially Barry is right. Right not just about Judy; but right about even myself. Barry is arguing from a point of view which I have up until very recently been unable to accepteven tolerate. And this was of course because of his refusal to take me seriously in what I said in all my posts. For Barry, these were tedious, narcissistic, and melodramatic. Well, it turns out he was right. At least this is the conclusion I have come to by being brave enough to consider that my own defensiveness and touchiness in reacting to his criticism of me and my posts was preventing me from having an experience that I needed to have: namely, that my own estimate of my posts did not necessarily coincide with the truth, with reality. Whereas *his* estimate of my posts did achieve such correspondence. So, as much as I hate to do this, given how much I have invested in this anti-Barry project, I have to admit it: Barry is not only correct in his assessment of Judy (see his argument with Emily and Raunchydog), his judgment of me and my posts is valid as well. Now I would just ask the readers of FFLthose who have aligned themselves with Judy, with Robin, with the now departed Bob Price, with Jim and othersto reconsider their position, since for someone like myself to undergo a change of perception this significant, a change which I was determined would not and could not happen, suggests something very powerful at work here. You remember Saul persecuting the Christians and then being struck down on the Road to Damascus by Christ, and in the violence of his conversion becoming a fierce defender of Christ. Well, although I did not undergo quite as spectacular a transformation of belief, I think there are parallels here, and to the extent to which Saul became Paul, I have become a very different Robin. I don't say that Barry is Jesus or anything like that. That would be absurd. And even if I did think that Barry was Christ, I know he would only have contempt for such a view of him. So, no, I won't go that far. But I will say that in the main Barry has been right all along, and even his most vitriolic and bitter posts have been in the service of somehow forcing people to see what they, like me, were blind to. Well, I have been persuaded, and in a way which really means something, that Barry is the martyr here, and I can't tell you (although Steve perhaps has somewhat had the foretaste of such a sensationbut only very mildly) how much better I feel, not just in my heart, but in my conscience. I am not going to congratulate myself on what I have accomplished here in mortifying my pride and my sense of righteousness to bend the knee and reverse course in my judgment of this person, but I do think that this is a lesson to all of us: no matter how certain and convinced one is right about someonein this case Barrythere is always the possibility (as in the case of Saul) that one's position actually is in a contradictory relationship to reality, to truth,to the way things really are. This is undoubtedly the situation here. Barry in his posts has triumphed. And I am sorry to say this, but for Judy, Raunchydog, Bob Price, Jim and others not to see this, or at least not to consider this as a possibility, is nothing less than tragic. For in the end, I assure you, Barry will be vindicated. I can only pray that Judy will realize the importance of contemplating this painful truth when she resumes posting tonight. Judy, are you there? I beg you to consider what I have said here, that Barry is sincere and right in his perspectivenot just about you, but about meand for that matter anyone else at FFL who has determined that Barry is a negative character (at least in what can be known about him from his posts which are critical of other posters). For me, Judy, this process has been very liberating. And I wanted to share this revelation with you before you, very predictably, went on the attack, which I believe Barry, presciently, has anticipated will be what happens just as soon as we see that first post of yours. Judy, I think you an intelligent and well-meaning person; but Curtis and Barryand even to some extent, although less passionately, Stevehave identified what is wrong with you; and I think you must be courageous enough to finally examine yourself, since I, who until just now was one of your most loyal supporters have undergone an extraordinary change of heart, and have admitted to myself that you are the person in the wrong here, that Barry is right. Would you even just for the sake of how much I have defended you in the past, think about what I have said here? I pray that you will do this, Judy. Because were you to find yourself experiencing what I now experience, you would realize that in seeing Barry as sincere and right yields up an experience of happiness and sense of truthfulness which exceeds beyond what you can even imagine the experience and sense of truthfulness which is the result of holding to your present prejudice and antipathy towards Barry. I am not expecting Barry to exonerate me from my past dealings with him; I don't even say he has to believe me in what I say here. But I can only say that those who have followed me in all my posts at FFL will recognize that in this instance, because I am going so much against the natural direction of my pride and self-esteem, I am communicating a truth which exceeds in its power and significance anything I have ever said at FFL. And I will go one step further. I believe I have laid the basis for not just a rapprochement among the feuding parties, but the foundation for a real healing and reconciliation. I don't however believe it is incumbent upon Barry to respond to this declaration of my newly found faiththat will come soon enough. It is sufficient that Iand those who will follow me in thisexpress our humility and contrition, even though, as surely Barry knows, we were, when we opposed him, acting out of a sense of sincerity and rightness in all that we said. But you see we were wrong. I can't speak for those who remain hostile to Barry; but I think, as in the case of Saul, there should be some hard thinking about this whole matter And I would ask at the very least that there is a moratorium on this Get Barry Campaign (which seemingly never ends) until there has been time to allow what I have said here to infiltrate the deeper regions of the heartas well as the mind. I am sorry, Judy. But this feels better. And I can only wish for you to have the experience I am having now.
