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Hold everything. You are not God. You
can not wish a being away. Each and everyone of us has wished we did not
have a problem-- ask those of us who are sole caretakers of the elderly.
We wish we didn't have the problem, not that the person was dead We are
all telling you not to feel bad. Well, maybe you need to mourn the lose of
two small, helpless kittens you cared enough to take in for a very few days
and for whom you provided love and warmth and caring. Mourning is one
thing. Guilt is frequently a part of that because we do not want to accept
the fact that we can not control everything. People need to be in
control. It is part of us. A not so good part at time. The
Royal Princess Kitty Katt taught me a lot about relinquishing control and simply
loving. Maybe that is what these two little souls were sent to do for
you???????????? I am not preaching or trying to be hurtful. Just
please know you are not in charge--especially with such small delicate
souls. Their mother may well have known their fate. That is one of
the cruel things about nature. The mother has to make decisions based on
her reality. Humans try to change that reality..all of us who love
critters do.
Please calm yourself and ask these little ones to
visit you. You will be surprised at the wisdom and love with which they
are filled. And they will visit if you ask, probably in your dreams
because that is when you are going to be more open.
Take care. The angels are watching over
you.
If you have men who will exclude any of God's
creatures
from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who
will deal likewise with their fellow
man.
St. Francis
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Tuesday, July 18, 2006 9:59
AM
Subject: Re: I killed Grayson
Thanks Nina, but I killed him. I know I did. And I know it's
because I was so worried about bringing in another cat and 'wished' I didn't
have that problem. So now I don't. I just feel horrible.
Oh
Honey, don't say that. You didn't kill Grayson. You didn't wake up
on
top of him, you woke up with him lower on your body and you moved him
back up. There's no way you could possibly know he stopped breathing
because you suffocated him, or because he simply stopped breathing.
Even if you had inadvertently smothered him, you still didn't kill that
baby. The state of the world is what killed that baby. You, my dear,
saved him. I'm very sorry that he's gone, I can just imagine your shock
and grief. I guess I should have been talking about how likely this
outcome could be, but I wanted to think positively about his chances,
and let's face it, no matter how prepared we are, we're never prepared
enough. Please don't play the what if game with this. What if you had
left him in the bathroom, covered with towels and a heating pad? What
if he'd died alone in the bathroom and hadn't gotten the opportunity to
see what it was liked to be cuddled and loved? You'd be kicking
yourself harder than you are right now. No, you did everything right.
From the moment you went back into that house, to when you took him to
bed with you. No matter how sad I am about Grayson leaving us, I won't
accept anything else. He was a little fighter with a heart big enough
to cause people around the country to fall in love with him. The little
guy has my undying love and all the tears he deserves, and so do
you,
N.
catatonya wrote:
> I just woke and Grayson was
dead. I think I smothered him. I think
> 2:30 was the last time he
woke me up to be fed. I had him up by my
> neck but remember finding
him sleeping down next to me at one point
> and moving him back up. I
guess it didn't cross my mind at the time
> that he should have been
screaming for food at that point. I just
> moved him back up higher
on the bed and covered him in his little
> towel and fell back
asleep. When I woke again I wondered why he
> hadn't cried yet or
moved over to my neck. He was dead because I had
> killed
him.
>
>
tonya
>
>
>
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