German scientists dug 50 meters underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nation-wide telephone network.
Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. 100 meters down, they found small pieces of glass, and they soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nation-wide fibre net. Israeli scientists were outraged. They dug 50, 100 and 200 meters underground, but found absolutely nothing... They concluded that the ancient Hebrews 55,000 years ago had cellular telephones. ------------------------------------------------------------- Excuses, excuses, excuses The following were all found in notes written by parents to excuse their children's absences from school. - Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side. - Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels. - Please excuse Tom for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak. - Irving was absent this morning because he missed his bust. - Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault. - I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear. - Please excuse Harriet for missing school yesterday. We forget to get the Sunday paper off the porch. and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Did They Mean to Say That - On a New York loft building: "Wanted: Woman to sew buttons on the fourth floor." - In a New Hampshire medical building: "Martin Diabetes Professional Ass." - In the office of a loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning your home." - In a New York medical building: "Mental health prevention center." - In a toy department: "Five Santa Clauses -- no waiting." - On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church." - On a Maine shop: "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship. - At a number of military bases: "Restraicted to unauthorized personnel." - In a number of parking areas: "Violators will be enforced and Trespassers will be violated." - On a display of "I Love You Only" Valentine cards: "Now available in multi-packs." - In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machines do the dirty work." - In a funeral parlor: "Ask about our layaway plan. - On a window of a New Hampshire hamburger restaurant: "Yes, we are open. Sorry for the inconvenience." ---------------------------------------------------------- Easter Pet A man wanted an Easter pet for his daughter. He looked at a baby chick and a baby duck. They were both very cute, but he decided to buy the baby chick. Do you know why? The baby chick was a little cheeper! --------------------------------------------------- Bruise Jim: "How did you get that bruise on your arm?" Joe: "I ate some Easter candy." Jim: "Eating Easter candy won't give you a bruise." Joe: "It will if it's your big brother's candy!"
