Life is a misery for “Married Bachelors” in UAE
 
Leaving their families and children in their home countries, a large number of 
expatriates are forced to live a bachelor’s life in the UAE. They are unable to 
bring their families here because of high rents and the spiralling cost of 
living.They miss their children as much as their children miss them back home. 
The suffering is part of their deal for a better future as they try their best 
to cope with the situation, which is not always possible. T Ramavarman speaks 
to a number of expatriates to know their views. 

When 33-year-old Jose Landicho, who works as a surveyor in a private firm in 
Dubai, receives a call from his two-year-old son back home in Manila, the 
Philippines, his heart aches. 

However, he quickly recovers and consoles his son with the usual ploy, 'I will 
come home tonight, and bring a gift for you.' 
Discreetly he tells his wife over the phone to buy a gift and give it to the 
son the next morning. 

The following day, he makes the child believe that he had come home late at 
night and had left a couple of hours later. 

The case of 40-year-old Hussein, a store-keeper-cum-accountant in a foodstuff 
firm in Abu Dhabi, is no different. His six-year-old daughter yells over the 
phone from his home in Goa, India: 'Papa, be with us. All my classmates are 
accompanied by their dads when they come to school. Why are you not here to 
drop us at school?' 

'There is no life when the family is not with you. I can't bear this any 
longer. I'm planning to go back for good when my current contract comes to end 
by November,' says an exasperated Hussein. 

Helmi Mohammed Saleh, 32, who hails from Yemen, leaves his family at Ajman to 
work in the Human Resources Division of the Gulf Contracting Company in Abu 
Dhabi. 

'I'm very upset over being away from my family. But it is very expensive to get 
a flat in Abu Dhabi. So I stay here as a single and go to Ajman over the 
weekends to join my family. My mother is there with my wife and three 
children,' he says. 

'I feel sad as well as happy to be staying here alone,' says Saud Afroze Khan, 
who works as an accountant with the firm, Olenter, in Dubai. 
Saud left his wife in Karachi, Pakistan, soon after his marriage. 'Happy 
because I can lead a casual life without much personal responsibilities. I can 
devote more time to work and entertainment. But I feel sad because I miss a 
partner in life, especially on holidays,' he says. 

Mohammed Baroodi, who hails from Hartoon in Sudan, says he has been here for 
the last 21 years working in the purchase section of a private firm. 
'I had to send my wife and three children back about seven years ago because of 
the rising costs here. I miss my family. Initially it was extremely difficult, 
but now I've learnt to adjust with the predicament,' he adds. 

These are only miniscule representation of the plight of the phenomenally 
rising population of 'married bachelors' working in UAE. 

With the sky-rocketing rents and cost of living they cannot afford to bring 
their families here. Unfortunately, the rising cost of living has not yet 
reflected in the wage levels of the expatriates in the region. And with the 
growing travel expenditure, frequent travels to home have been curtailed.
 
According to recent reports, a survey by Arabian Business indicated that nearly 
60 per cent of the expatriate population in the Gulf region are contemplating 
moving away from the region in the wake of the rising cost of living here. 

The worst hit are those in the lower-middle class. For the low-income workers, 
labour camp accommodation and minimum level of food provide some solace. But 
those who earn between Dh2,000 and Dh7,000 struggle to find accommodation and 
lead a decent life. 

'Until two or three years ago, it was possible to lead a comfortable life and 
make some saving, even in a salary of Dh2,000 a month. But now you can't get a 
single room accommodation in less than Dh3,500. In areas like Abu Dhabi there 
is also an acute shortage of rooms,' says Muralidharan from Kerala, India. 

Muralidharan, who works as a designer with Emirates Steel Wool in Abu Dhabi, 
said he was now sharing a room with four 'married bachelors' at Electra. 

'If the landlord asks me to vacate, I will have no option but to go back home. 
At the new rental levels I will not be able to take up a fresh place, unless my 
salary is doubled,' he said. 

Some of the expatriates complain that the rent hikes are arbitrarily imposed on 
them by the landlords. 'Take it or leave it' is often their attitude. 

'My landlord almost doubled the rent three years ago from Dh26,000 to Dh48,000. 
I was compelled to pay that rent. I could not have relocated to a new place 
with my family,' says Piroz Khan from Kerala, who works as accountant with a 
private firm in Abu Dhabi. 

Piroz says he has now sent his family back to Kerala as his son wanted to study 
there, after completing the higher secondary here.  The cost of education is 
certainly one factor that forces the expatriates to send their families. This 
often forces even working couples to send their children to their relatives 
back home for continuing education. Both the children and parents then endure 
the psychological trauma of separation. 
Some of the Pakistani expatriates said they send their families back when their 
children, especially daughters, are of marriageable age, to find good alliances 
from their own clan. 

Interestingly, may expatriates are reluctant to discuss their problems 
apparently fearing that it may not be liked by their higher-ups. Fear of 
disdain from the peers also seems to be pulling them back from such discussions 
on financial constraints. 

Telephone is the main link between the expatriates and their families back 
home. 
'My telephone bill comes to about Dh600 per month. My family back home also 
spends a substantial amount on telephone calls. Both of us have 3G phones,' 
says Jose. 

Some expatriates use Internet chatting facilities with webcam to keep in touch 
with families. Still luckier are those who can afford to travel home two or 
three times. Some bring their families on vacation here. 
The disintegration of the joint families in countries like India has aggravated 
the plight of the expatriates and their families there. In the fast-emerging 
nuclear families there are no support systems and children particularly feel 
the gap severely when one of their parents are away. This adds to the worries 
of expatriates. 

The expatriates are also concerned about the security of their spouses in their 
home countries. 'Here a woman can be on the road safely even late at night. 
This is not the case in many countries,' recalls Hussein. 
How do the 'married bachelors' spend their holidays and after-office hours 
here? 

'There are several avenues of entertainment available for the rich here. There 
is hardly anything for the low-income groups. Our office is closed from 
Thursday afternoon to Saturday and that is the most agonising time for me. I 
miss my family. I engage in social activities like Malayalee Samajam,' says 
Piroz. 

'I play tennis and pursue some hobbies' during my holidays,' says Jose. 
'After completing washing and cleaning of room, I spend my time on some 
spiritual pursuits like bhajan (hymns),' says Parameswaran from  Kerala who 
works as an accountant in a private firm in Dubai. 

'I spend time with my friends in the evenings,' says Helmi. 
Watching movies shopping and spending time with friends are the holiday agenda 
for Saud. 

Happy to be working here 
 A number of ‘married women’ also are among the expatriate ‘singles’ working in 
the UAE. 

They mostly work as housemaids or bar attendants. They represent many 
nationalities such as Indian, Sri Lankan, Indonesian, African, and even East 
European, but a majority of them come from the Philippines. Married women 
workers opt to take up jobs here in order to tide over financial problems back 
home. 

Like their male counterparts, most of them also face similar problems of 
home-sickness and loneliness. But there are exceptions too. Archana is one of 
them. 

A 38-year-old married woman, Archana, who hails from Allappuzha in Kerala, is 
different from others. She proudly says she is happy to be working here, even 
though her husband and daughter are in Kerala. While her husband works with the 
Kerala Water Authority, her daughter, a student of engineering, was married off 
recently. 

Archana is satisfied with her life and the way things have shaped for her in 
the UAE. She runs two trading companies — Phoenix Smart Systems and Golden 
Phoenix International Foodstuff Trading — in Abu Dhabi. “I have no problems 
here. I go home whenever I want, and bring my family here frequently. 

My family is happy that I am able to lead an independent life and provide 
employment to several people. I am able to concentrate more on work since my 
family is not here,” Archana says. 

Isolation, anxiety cause depression   
The isolation and anxiety associated with the status of ‘married bachelors’ 
often leads to psychiatric problems. 
Depression and anxiety disorders are the most common problems among such 
patients, according to psychiatrist Dr K. K. Muraleedharan, who works in Abu 
Dhabi’s Ahalya Hospital. 

“Some turn to substance abuse and alcohol. There are some who might develop 
psycho-sexual dysfunctions. Forgetfulness, lack of concentration in work and 
low self-esteem are among the most prevalent symptoms among such patients,” 
says Dr Muraleedharan. 

“But all these changes are reversible with proper counselling and medicare.” 
“Basically, in the absence of a family, such people lack the social support 
system. It may not always be possible to make friendship with such close 
bondage. The stress at the workplace and issues like the rising cost of living, 
add fuel to the fire,” he points out. 
“The benefits of social organisations, like elite clubs, reach only to the few 
because they are very expensive. However, the low-cost community organisations 
are able to accommodate only a few people. 

 When people are able to talk about their problems, their worries lessen. That 
is why going to a psychiatric counsellor becomes important,” Dr Muraleedharan 
adds. 

“The possibility of ‘married bachelors’ developing psychiatric problems depends 
on several factors like their genetic constitution, personality, background and 
cultural settings. 

People, who are not social and who do not integrate with the mainstream, are 
more prone to problems of anxiety and depression,” says psychiatrist Nagesh 
Dhar of Prime Medical Centre, Jumeirah in Dubai. Another related issue is that 
when the spouses unite after long periods of separation they face several 
adjustment problems, Dr Dhar points out. “Both the husband and wife would have 
developed independent routines and lifestyles during the long periods of 
separation. They sometimes find it difficult to reshape their life when they 
reunite. Keeping in touch with regularly and frequent visits from both sides 
are some of the ways to avoid such situations. Otherwise you lose touch 
altogether,” he adds. 

khaleejtimes.com



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