> A couple of options I see:
>
> 1) Go to walmart, buy something like the Brother CE-5000PRW, which
> has every basic thing I think I'd need, and appears to do automatic
> buttonholes.
>
>  a) pros - cheap enough to buy another if it has problems
>  b) cons - not as expandable with features, no local repair

Go to a real sewing machine store and test drive more than just one
brand.  Check out the features, "kick the tires", etc.
>
> 2) Buy a Bernina
>
>  a) pros - local repair, an attachment exists for everything
>  b) cons - costly

Singer used to have an attachment for everything, and many other
machines do too.  Buy them only as you need them.

> My areas of interest change often, so I can't say I'll be only
> doing one period of clothing.

I have an old beige Singer I paid $15. for used.  It sews frontwards,
backwards, zig-zag, and that's it.  I can do anything I want with it,
and have no plans for buying a serger.  I use thrift store Singer
attachments on it, including an external buttonholer.

> Anyway, I'd appreciate any advice everyone has, and please forgive
> me if I'm acting too much like a newb... because I am one :)

What's with that defeatist attitude?  Everyone on this list was a newb
once.  The best costumer you know was a newb once.  It's OK to be a
newb, and not a thing to have to apologize for.  You won't stay a newb
because you are willing to learn.  So welcome to the learning curve.
And don't let anyone tell you they aren't on the same curve, they're
just in a different place.

-- 
Carolyn Kayta Barrows
--
“The future is already here, it is just unevenly distributed.”   -William Gibson
--
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