Cologne Mist Sparks Pa. Airport Probe By DAVID B. CARUSO Associated Press Writer February 20, 2003, 10:33 AM EST PHILADELPHIA -- A Saudi Arabian traveler set the city's anti-terrorism machine into full gear when he sprayed three airport guards with cologne while trying to demonstrate that the liquid wasn't dangerous.
The [heroic] security screeners were rushed to Methodist Hospital after being spritzed Wednesday as the [swarthy complexioned] student passed through a [fatherland] checkpoint at Philadelphia International Airport. Unsure whether they had a [vicious, freedom hating terrorist] biological attack on their hands, [heroic] hospital officials ordered a full quarantine. Ambulances inbound to the [freedom loving people's] emergency room were diverted to other hospitals. Patients and staff who had contact with the [heroic, crusading] guards were quarantined for nearly three hours. "We didn't know what the [atomized chemical or bioweapon] substance was," said hospital spokeswoman Nan Myers. [Heroic] FBI spokeswoman Linda Vizi said the 22-year-old [so called] student, whose [arabic sounding] name was withheld by authorities, was detained and [interrogated under duress and coercion and] questioned, then released [for further, secret surveillance] hours later after [the people's] chemical tests confirmed that the [terroristic] vapors were harmless [probably due to an oversight on the part of the freedom hating terrorist swarthy complexioned so called student]. "He was here legally. All his papers were in order. His flight plans were in order. ["Shit, we tried like hell for three hours to pin some kind of heavy shit on the kid, but the FBI newbies kept talking about 'facts are stubbord' or some such shit."] No federal law was violated. He was released," Vizi said. "He missed his flight to Europe." [We tried to fuck with him as much as we could, but time just ran out.] Initially, even the [heroic] screeners themselves didn't consider the [terrorist] incident worth reporting, Vizi said. But they had second thoughts about the sweet-smelling spray and called police [after we told them this was a free ticket to fucking with an A-rab, why not have some fun?], she said. Flights weren't disrupted and no one was evacuated from the terminal, said [people's] airport spokesman Mark Pesce. Copyright ) 2003, The Associated Press
