Show and Tell
A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and
tell" assignment. Each student was instructed to bring in an object to share
with the class that represented their religion. The first student got up in
front of the class and said, "My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is
a Star of David."
The second student got up in front of the class and
said, "My name is Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is a Rosary."
The third student got in up front of the class and
said, "My name is Tommy. I am Lutheran , and this is a casserole."
One Sunday morning
A mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was
time to get ready for church, to which he replied, "I'm not going."
"Why not?" she asked.
I'll give you two good reasons," he said.
"(1), they don't like me, and
(2), I don't like them."
His mother replied, "I'll give YOU two good reasons
why YOU SHOULD go to church.
(1) You're 59 years old, and
(2) You're the pastor!"
The Picnic
A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town's
annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter.
"This baked ham is really delicious," the priest
teased the rabbi. "You really ought to try it. I know it's against your
religion, but I can't understand why such a wonderful food should be
forbidden! You don't know what you're missing. You just haven't lived until
you've tried Mrs. Hall's prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are
you going to break down and try it?"
The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and
said, "At your wedding."
The Usher
An elderly woman walked into the local country church.
The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of
steps, "Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.
"The front row please," she answered.
"You really don't want to do that," the usher said
"The pastor is really boring."
"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.
"No." he said. "I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.
"Do you know who I am?" he asked. "No." she said.
"Good," he answered.
The Best Way To Pray
A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the
best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby.
"Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the
priest said.
"No," said the minister. "I get the best results
standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."
"You're both wrong," the guru said. "The most
effective prayer position is lying down on the floor."
The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey,
fellas," he interrupted. "The best prayin' I ever did was when I was hangin'
upside down from a telephone pole."
The Twenty and the One
A well-worn one-dollar bill and a similarly distressed
twenty-dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. As they
moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation. The
twenty-dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the country.
"I've had a pretty good life," the twenty proclaimed.
"Why I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City , the finest restaurants in New
York , performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean "
"Wow!" said the one-dollar bill. "You've really had
an exciting life!"
"So tell me," says the twenty, "where have you been
throughout your lifetime?"
The one dollar bill replies, "Oh, I've been to the
Methodist Church , the Baptist Church , the Lutheran Church .."
The twenty-dollar bill interrupts, "What's a church?"
Goat for Dinner
The young couple invited their elderly pastor for
Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister
asked their son what they were having. "Goat," the little boy replied.
"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are
you sure about that?"
"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Dad say to Mom,
'Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner."
Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand
over my mouth
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"Like cold water to a weary soul is good news from a distant land." Prov. 25:25
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Cheer-up! Birds have bills and they're still singing.
Gwen
