Here's a great site that's just be launched that archives the letters of queer people who have come out to their families and people they are close to. They're worth reading even if you're already out - or have no intentions of coming out. They're moving, interesting, amusing - the second one
An article that resonated with me because Amsterdam was the first place abroad my boyfriend and I visited together and the first place where we could walk hand in hand as anacknowledged gay couple, rather than in the Indian way where we could just be seen as gay friends. It sounds silly
Apologies. Was writing late at night and focusing on Sachin's work, but I should have mentioned the HIVOS funding and Samabhavna's work that made this possible. Correction noted here. Also thanks for giving me the actor's name. I'm told he is a rising young actor on the Marathi stage.
Sachin
GB Meet on Blackmail and Extortion
There's one line of argument about being gay in India, which is that it's no
big deal. Sure it's illegal, but it's not prosecuted. Gay men face problems
from their family, but not from the government - the existence of sites like GB
itself is evidence of
After posting the Auden poems as a tribute for his centenary year, and more
recently posting The More Loving One again on the GB list, I've got a few mails
suggesting I start posting poem selections with commentary on the list again.
This was something I did some years back, choosing poems that
Against Coupling
I write in praise of the solitary act:
of not feeling a trespassing tongue
forced into ones mouth, ones breath
smothered, nipples crushed against the
ribcage, and that metallic tingling
in the chin set off by a certain odd nerve:
unpleasure. Just to avoid those eyes would
No Road
Since we agreed to let the road between us
Fall to disuse,
And bricked our gates up, planted trees to screen us,
And turned all times eroding agents loose,
Silence, and space, and strangers - our neglect
Has not had much effect.
Leaves drift unswept, perhaps; grass creeps unmown;
No
After yesterday's poem by James Merrill, a poem that touches on him and his
death, and that of another friend of his:
In Memory Of David Kalstone
who died of AIDS
Lime-and mint mayonnaise and salsa verde
Accompanied poached fish that Helen made
For you and J.M. when you came to
The Shirt
The shirt touches his neck
And smooths over his back.
It slides down his sides.
It even goes below his belt
down into his pants.
Lucky shirt.
Jane Kenyon
Coat
Sometimes I have wanted
to throw you off
like a heavy coat.
Sometimes I have said
you would not let
A thought provoking poem which when I first posted it on the GB list got two
thought provoking comments, one from Dr.Ajit and one from our late, much missed
friend Quentin. I've added them both at the end:
Squaring Up
When I was thirteen and crimping my first quiff
Dad bought me a
Back with the poems after a break for a few days. At yesterday's GB meeting the
subject came up about the problems people have finding love. And one reason
seems to be the huge expectations we have, the image of Mr.Right which is so
strong in our minds that we overlook Mr.Right Enough who's
A poem I thought of because the last few days I've been talking to a guy who's
been having problems with someone who has been coming to his house trying to
harass and blackmail him. But the guy refused to be blackmailed, he didn't
listen to his assailant, got the building watchmen to stop him
An interesting poem for the weekend - which I hope its spent with friends, both
those loved and those liked...
Thank-You Note
I owe so much
to those I don't love.
The relief as I agree
that someone else needs them more.
The happiness that I'm not
the wolf to their sheep.
When it started raining hard around lunchtime I thought today's meeting on
Living With HIV was literally going to be a washout, but it was good to see how
well attended it was, with around 40 guys and a lot of interest and involvement
in the talk by Kashmira Shaw.
But what we're really
If I can let you go as trees let go
If I can let you go as trees let go
Their leaves, so casually, one by one;
If I can come to know what they do know,
That fall is the release, the consummation,
Then fear of time and the uncertain fruit
Would not distemper the great lucid skies
This
Sailing
After having loved we lie close together
and at the same time with distance between us
like two sailing ships that enjoy so intensely
their own lines in the dark water they divide
that their hulls
are almost splitting from sheer delight
while racing, out in the blue
under sails which
The Tobacconist's Window
Near the brightly lit tobacconist's
shop-window they were standing, in a crowd.
Their glances met by chance,
expressing the forbidden longings of
their flesh uncertainly and shyly.
Then a few uneasy paces on the pavement
until they smiled, and nodded slightly.
And
After some fairly heavy duty poems, a much lighter one for the weekend (though
with some long notes at the end). Strictly speaking these are lyrics rather
than a poem, from the musical Pal Joey, so they have that slight sense of
something missing that lyrics always have. But they're funny and
Room Mates
They said, they couldnt take us both.
I said, theyd have to.
What _is_ this - the Salvation Army?
Theyll be praying over us next.
Our moneys the same paper as anyone elses
And prompter.
We don't fiddle the meter or block the loo
We have other things to think of.
When
I'm cross posting this message that I'd posted on the GBpoz forum, partly to
draw people's attention to the forum (link given below), but also because its
an important issue and I'd like to get feedback from as many people as possible
even if they're not on the forum. Here's the message and
Ghazal
I went into the garden at dawn to gather roses,
When suddenly I heard the voice of the nightingale
Poor thing, he was stricken in anguish for the love of the rose,
And sprinkled the meadows round with his sobs, as he looked for help.
Lost then in thought, slowly I paced in the
My True Love Hath My Heart, and I Have His
My true-love hath my heart, and I have his,
By just exchange, one for the other giv'n.
I hold his dear, and mine he cannot miss;
There never was a better bargain driv'n.
His heart in me keeps me and him in one,
My
Intimates
Dont you care for my love? she said bitterly.
I handed her the mirror, and said:
Please address these questions to the proper person!
Please make all requests to head-quarters!
In all matters of emotional importance
please approach the supreme authority direct!
So I handed her
Everyone has clearly been going slack on the film watching front because there
haven't been any mentions of GRABs for the last few weeks. Perhaps everyone
assumed that between Gandhi, My Father and Chak De! India the chances of GRABs
was so low they could all take a break.
Well, they
A Glimpse
A glimpse, through an interstice caught,
Of a crowd of workmen and drivers in a bar-room, around the stove, late of a
winter night and I unremarked, seated in a corner,
Of a youth who loves me, and whom I love, silently approaching, and seating
himself near, that he may hold me
Balls
Actually: its the balls I look for, always.
Men, in the street, offices, cars, restaurants.
its the nuts I imagine
firm, soft, in hairy sacks
the way they are
down there rigged between the thighs.
the funny way they are.
One in front, a little in front of the other,
slightly higher.
The Hammam Name
(after a poem by a Turkish lady)
Winsome Torment rose from slumber, rubbed his eyes, and went his way
Down the street towards the Hammam. Goodness gracious! people say,
What a handsome countenance! The sun has risen twice to-day!
And as for the Undressing Room it quivered in
This time next Sunday the Gaybombay Parents meet will be going on. I've lost
count of which number this is - maybe the 6th or 7th time we're having it.
Whatever the numbers its easily one of the most amazing GB events and I would
really urge everyone who can to attend it - with or without
A young heterosexual married couple in Bangalore faces what gay men have to
face all the time:
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Bangalore_cops_harass_couple/articleshow/2681896.cms
Amit Varma, to his credit, makes that connection, but perhaps we should try
to make sure that more
Here's an overview of the 377 case that I had written for a friend's website.
Unfortunately the site is not yet up or I'd have just given the link:
The long road of the S.377 case
Vikram Doctor, Mumbai, 15/4/2009
On 7th November 2008 Chief Justice A.P.Shah of the Delhi High Court said a
Hi everyone,
I think most of us have heard the news that the 377 verdict is probably due to
be delivered at 10.30 tomorrow in the Delhi High Court. We are waiting for
final confirmations when the schedule of the Court is released by 9 pm. But it
does seem like its going to happen.
We've all
Everyone must have heard about the verdict. Its amazing, an unbelievable
culmination of an eight year struggle (and the start of another one, but we do
have this win).
What is even more amazing is the historic terms in which Chief Justice A.P.Shah
of the Delhi High Court framed his decision.
Preliminary views, we need to read the judgment carefully:
Question 1) Is this judgment only applicable in Delhi?
Response) This is the first time a court as senior as this, with such respected
judges, has given a decision on homosexuality. Because of that it sends a
powerful signal to the
The backlash has already started. Lots of homophobic comments on the Net, as
responses to media stories. Come on everyone, fight back and post messages
countering them.
Reading the judgment it just gets better and better. This is more than just a
victory - its a seriously strong judgment that is not going to be easy to
challenge. It goes further than just making consensual gay sex legal. It
formally recognises sexual orientation in Indian legal terms, and
In the aftermath of the verdict many of us are having to debate it, both
privately and publically with often very hostile people. Its probably sadly
true that the really hostile will not change their minds, but the battle is
really for the undecided or those willing to listen, who will be
This question about the 377 verdict only being applicable in Delhi keeps coming
up. I really am not very impressed by it - its the sort of point that's being
made by people who feel the need to make a point to show how clever they are.
Its certainly not the spirit in which the judgment was
The reaction of religious leaders has focussed attention on religions and
homosexuality. This is going to be an important, bitter debate and we really
need queer people of faith to come up and start discussing how they manage to
balance both being religious and queer.
There have also been
I don't normally post my TimeOut Mumbai columns when they are current, but I'm
making an exception here since its about such a topical subject as the 377
verdict, and it is a tribute to a friend who is no longer with us, but who made
a small, but real contribution to the case.
Many of you
For some much needed - and supportive - light relief, as always we can thank
Amul:
http://www.amul.com/images/topical.jpg
HT ran a story today on how Sir Ganga Ram Hospital in Delhi has banned
homosexuals from donating blood:
http://www.hindustantimes.com/StoryPage/StoryPage.aspx?sectionName=HomePageid=11b758bb-541e-462c-81a5-d2e1b459b1bfHeadline=Blood+banks+outlaw+gay+donors+despite+shortages
The story is
This is really good news. We've all been wondering what people in the heartland
will make of the Delhi High Court verdict, and the fact that Baba and Lalu and
people like that, who claim to be the voice of the Hindi heartland, were so
negative has made us apprehensive. Sahara, another voice of
TimeOut Mumbai, always a uniquely queer supportive publication, has come out
with a special LGBT Issue that is loosely tied in to the Queer Azadi March on
the 16th. Following from what they did in Bangalore some months back, they've
taken LGBT Issues on the cover and have packed the issue with
As promised, TimeOut Mumbai has just put its entire LGBT Special issues,
including the great pix of many friends like Kris, Gauri, Praful, Abhijit and
others. Here's the link to the issue:
http://timeoutmumbai.net/client_coverstory/client_coverstory_summay.asp?coverstoyrcode=101
And here's
DNA has featured an interesting piece by personal finance expert Harsh Roongta
on whether same sex couples can get joint home loans. This is definitely an
important issue with more and more queer long term couples living together and
wanting to take a joint home loan both for the greater amount
Shekhar Gupta, the editor of the Indian Express, interviewed A.P.Shah on his
Walk the Talk show, and this has been transcribed in today's Express. Here's a
link to the full interview, where he talks about his S.377 judgment:
Dahlia Lithwick, Salon's incomparable jurisprudence journalist, has an article
on a new book by Martha Nussbaum that sounds like it has a lot of relevance for
us in India at this stage of the queer rights movement. Nussbaum's book is how
gay rights is advancing by defeating the politics of
From the New York Observer, an article on guys who get mistaken to be
straight. Some of this is can be rather annoying, when it seems to come from a
certain self-satisfaction of oh we're not like those flaming queens.
Still, if one overlooks that, it does point to a space where being gay or
An interesting article from the Economist which looks at the wives of gay men.
The article focusses on China, but there are thousands of women in India in the
same position. Perhaps we need an organisation like the one described in the
article, to give support to these wives. And perhaps if
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/entertainment/hollywood/news-interviews/Proud-to-be-gay-Ricky-Martin/articleshow/5744792.cms
Congratulations Smriti, Sophie and everyone else who organised a really
wonderful Queer Nazariya festival. Unfortunately I could only catch the tail
end of it, but the films I saw were excellent - the last film 'The Quest for
the Lost Piece' was just magically gentle and humorous and also
An excellent piece by Georgina in Indian Express today pointing out how the
Siras affair is not an isolated incident, but just one among many cases where
queer people, whether students or faculty, have been harassed on campuses
across the country:
Shanta Gokhale's column in Mumbai Mirror suggests that Premanand Gajvi's new
play Dam It, Anu Gore has a lead character who is a lesbian or bisexual, and
that this detail is added as part of an attempt to satirize her. That, at
least, is my reading of her description in the column. Has anyone
Random House is just about to launch a collection of short stories called
'Quarantine by Rahul Mehta, a new Indian-American writer. Mehta is gay and
most of the stories in the collection touch on the experience of young gay
Indian-American men.
I've been reading the collection this last
That's the news that some gay sites are posting. This is apparently from an
interview of a long term artist of the Archies comics. Here's the link:
http://www.feastoffun.com/videos/2010/04/19/archie-comic-new-gay-teen-character-interview-with-writer-and-artist-dan-parent/
I have to say I
Elton John's moving letter to Ryan White, the American teenager whose struggles
with AIDS, which ended with his death 20 years ago, helped educate and wake up
people to the realities of the disease. If you don't know his story, here it
is:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ryan_White
Dear Ryan,
From HT today, Ashok's wonderful tribute to his mother:
How typical of Amma
Ashok Row Kavi, Hindustan Times
New Delhi, June 03, 2010
How typical of Amma. Just when her crazy boy started packing for a much-awaited
wicked waltz on the Malabar coast, she went and changed the agenda. Even as my
Two stories, one international and depressing from The Economist. It looks
increasingly like the Delhi High Court decision was the exception in a tide of
homophobia in the developing world. To balance that a personal story from Bala
on the Movenpick list on how patient dialogue with a family
Hi everyone. I've started getting a few responses to the questionnaire on
sexuality and the workplace, and the changes, if any, that have happened since
the Naz Foundation verdict last year.
I have also started getting interesting responses from HR managers, and I think
there is definitely a
As part of the events to mark QAM's Pride march this year we are organising a
panel discussion in Marathi on same sex marriage. This discussion links to the
main reason for the March this year - to call for the constitutional rights
that all other Indian citizens have, among which is a right to
The petition from the 19 parents of lgbt kids. This is easily the most moving
one, and I sincerely hope the bench pays special attention to this one:
Parents fight for their lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender children: plead
that criminalizing them destroys families
February 7, 2011
This is the press release for the petition from 16 senior, highly respected
academics (full list given at the end) supporting the Delhi High Court decision
in the S.377 case:
Academics Support Delhi High Court Decision in Section 377 Case
February 7, 2011
In a petition that has just
This is to inform everyone on these lists that there has been a significant
development in the S.377 case in the Supreme Court today.
All the final applications for interventions by parties interested in the Delhi
High Court verdict came up before a bench comprising of Justices Singhvi and
I have collated the press releases for the interventions from civil society in
support of the Delhi High Court verdict, and I'll post them here, starting with
Shyam Benegal's:
Shyam Benegal Opposes the Criminalization of Homosexuality
February 7, 2011
Shyam Benegal is a prolific Indian
This last press release is the intervention from senior mental health
professionals who have come together to oppose the criminalisation of
homosexuality. With so much rubbish in the opposing petitions on the
psychological effects of homosexuality, it is really important to get these
opinions
A beautifully written, tragic obituary for David Kato. We must never forget -
at some primal level this is what our opponents want for us:
Obituary: David Kato
David Kato Kisule, a gay campaigner in Uganda, died on January 26th, aged 46
Feb 10th 2011
TO THE 935 pupils at St Herman Nkoni
Two stories that touch on the complexities of gender and sexuality, with people
who don't fall into neat categories.
The first, from a mother with a 'girly' son, is really moving for the level of
understanding she has brought to her child's life and the way she is trying to
bring that
This report from Rex Wockner's news update is interesting because of the voting
pattern on this issue about whether to give ILGA (the International Lesbian,
Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association) consultative status at the UN.
The motion failed, but in the column of countries voting to
Just putting down some thoughts and possible points of action following the
vile episode broadcast by TV9 Telugu on how gay culture was booming in
Hyderabad.
This has been taken down from YouTube - congratulations to everyone who went
online to make sure YouTube yanked it - but a
United against TV9 - Peaceful Protest on 25th Feb 2011
TV9's slanderous and malicious story of gaymen of Hyderabad and Planet Romeo is
a wake up call for the LGBTI community to make sure we don't let the media or
any individual invade on our personal rights for dignity and privacy
Join us
Steven Davies, a top English cricketer, has come out. What's almost as good is
how well this has been received by the English cricketing establishment:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/cricket/8350779/Steven-Davies-England-cricketer-announces-he-is-gay.html
We sometimes get queries from gays and lesbians who want to come for our meets
asking us if its OK to bring their straight friends along. Our response is that
our meets our open to everyone who respects the space (unless for some reason
its particularly specified as a restricted meet, like the
Given the furore about the allegations made of Gandhi's bisexuality and
relationship with Hermann Kallenbach in Lelyveld's new book, I thought there
might be some interest in these two articles I wrote for the Times of India's
Crest edition last Saturday. The first and shorter one is about
This is the larger article I did on the Gandhi issue, looking at the possible
motives of Andrew Roberts, the reviewer whose misrepresentations of Lelyveld's
book are what are fuelling most of the furore:
GANDHI VS CHURCHILL
The reviewer of the latest biography is a Churchill groupie and that
The Supreme Court took up the 377 case today - and promptly rescheduled the
hearings till after the summer break, which means sometime in July.
Nothing much to be inferred from this. It was always likely, given that the
Court is really busy and has a lot to finish before the summer break
Dr.Kaushik Basu, the chief economic adviser to the government of India has just
launched a collection of his writings entitled An Economist's Miscellany. Its a
collection of his writings, journalism and a couple of translations, with a mix
between economics and policy related paper, and more
Today's edition of Times Crest, the Times of India's weekend paper, has a cover
story and a bunch of other stories to mark the second anniversary of the Delhi
High Court decision decriminalising homosexuality in India. Here's the link, I
think the stories can be accessed over Facebook or by
My friend Mark Gevisser, a brilliant South African writer, has put up on his
website the piece he wrote for the Granta issue on outsiders where he examines
what it was like being gay in apartheid South Africa through the lives of two
coloured gay men.
It is a wonderful piece, really worth
Congratulations are due to Anand Grover who has just been designated senior
counsel in the Bombay High Court. Anand is, of course, very well known to
anyone in the queer community who has come for the Queer Azaadi March in
Mumbai, needed urgent legal advice on matters related to discrimination
This account of the Oshiwara party raid has been forwarded to me with the
suggestion I post it on the mailing lists. It is very well written and moving,
while also giving tips on what not to do - this guy's attempt to run away was
perhaps natural, but also rather dumb and he was lucky not to
This is just a quick mail to note that today was Day 4 of the 377 case hearings
in the Supreme Court and quite a lot of time, around four hours, was given to
the case. The counsel for the Delhi Commission on Child Welfare continued to
speak right through, and the Bench posed a lot of questions
Please could everyone note urgently that there seems to be a lot of confusion
flowing from what is happening in court today. Several channels are carrying
reports that the Ministry of Home Affairs has opposed the Delhi High Court
verdict and has asked for the continued criminalisation of
Since there seems to be a lot of confusion emanating from Delhi on the
government's views on the 377 case, I thought it might be useful to post this
report about an event where the PM clearly stated the need to support groups
like homosexuals against social prejudice.
This was from 2008, the
In yesterday's arguments in court the one really interesting, perhaps loaded
moment was a brief exchange between the Bench and assistant solicitor-general
PP Malhotra, who was in the midst of his attack on the Naz decision, acting on
his quite misguided assumption that this was the Ministry of
First, apologies to everyone for not being able to post updates on the 377 case
this week. The reasons are both personal and general and I'll do my best to
rectify them. For the record, the case was heard over Tuesday (28/2), Wednesday
(29/2) and Thursday (1/3) and now is on hold for 10 days
As I had posted earlier last week I was not able to post reports on the
proceedings partly because I was out of town and partly because once it became
clear that the judges were speeding up the case and our opponents would soon
have finished speaking, most of the people on our side became
With the Supreme Court hearing the 377 case there has been a lot of talk, in
the Court, and outside as well, about Lawrence vs.Texas, the case that
decriminalised consensual same sex relations between adults in the US. We are
now where Lawrence was when it was being argued, and the question is
Apologies for not posting reports about the last three days hearings on the 377
case in the Supreme Court. (The case is heard on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday).
Ironically this is because, for the first time, I've been in court myself,
rather than receiving reports from others who have been in
FINALLY!
I heard this from the Court about an hour back and this Times report now
confirms it. The Attorney-General Ghoolam Vahanvati has finally confirmed that
the government of India has no objections to the Delhi High Court verdict:
Nothing very much more to add at the moment. Its been evident for a while that
the GoI is OK with the Naz India verdict, but didn't want to have to say this
openly. But ironically it looks like its hand was forced by ASG Malhotra during
these hearings when he got up and repeated all the stuff
Some of the mails and messages I've been getting in response to the news that
the GoI is supporting the Naz verdict seem to suggest that people imagine we
have won in the Supreme Court.
I wish it was that simple.
The GoI's support is important and a bit of a breakthrough, but it certainly
My article from ET today on the Supreme Court hearing the 377 case. No new
information for people on these lists, but a sense of what being in the SC is
like. This is from the main paper, and it should be up on my ET blog soon:
Finally this Tuesday morning, around 12.30, the Supreme Court hearings in the
377 case came to an end.
After the arguments from our side wound up last week the procedure is that the
opposing parties, who are the petitioners in this case (since it is an appeal
against the Delhi High Court
A wonderful clip - this is what Youtube exists for! It shows a long term gay
couple who aren't afraid to show the depth of their love for each other by
dancing on TV, in front of one of Britain's top shows. If this link doesn't
work, just google Youtube and Sugar Dandies - you won't regret it:
In the run-up to the GB Parents Meet later this month, here's a story worth
reading about how one mother confronted her deepest prejudices and changed when
her son came out to her:
http://www.danoah.com/2012/04/a-teens-brave-response-to-im-christian-unless-youre-gay.html
(Perhaps I shouldn't
Guys, this is a general message I am putting out after encountering a couple of
cases in the last few months of gay or bi guys who have tested positive in
circumstances when they were not expecting it.
In both cases, not being prepared for this has greatly complicated the ways in
which
For the gay comic geeks on these lists - I can't be the only one around.
First, there's a wonderful bit of news. Alison Bechdel's new graphic novel is
out in May. For anyone who's read and loved her Dykes to Watch Out For series,
and then read Fun Home, her truly remarkable graphic novel
It is absolutely fantastic to see Anjali Gopalan on this year's Time magazine's
100 Most Influential People list!
A lot of people will be going 'who?' and a lot of people in Bengal will be
going 'huh? she scores higher than Didi?' (Lets just hope that the Trinamul
doesn't throw a tantrum
After first round of comic geekery with Archie and Alison Bechdel, here's round
two with an online gay comic strip I recently discovered - do others know of
it?
Please be warned, if you are at all inclined towards comic geekery, then only
click on the link below if you are willing to waste
The Orinam website has been kind enough to post my mail about Anjali Gopalan on
their website. There's space for comments below, and it would be nice if people
could consider using this to thank Anjali directly or if they have any memories
of dealing with her during all these years, to post a
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