The cards with holes that the machines use are called punch cards and
and
this system was used to control many machines before comuters could be
used to
control them. I always say that lace prickings were the original 'punch
cards', more in fun than meaning it, but who knows?
Dear Friends,
I
Of course I love ya darling
You're a bloody top-notch bird
And when I say you're gorgeous
I mean every single word
So ya bum is on the big side
I don't mind a bit of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There's somethin there to grab
So your belly isn't flat no more
I tell ya, I don't care
So long
If I do get frustrated and decide to guess, you can bet your life that I
find that I have the same number already in that line. At that point I
give up and decide to get on with my day. Any suggestions on how to
approach the difficult puzzles will be gratefully accepted and tried.
Janice
Can you imagine working for a company that has a little
more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:
* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in
Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and
then sees an empty wine bottle on t! he floor of the car. He says, Sir, have
you been drinking?
Just water, says the priest.
The trooper says,
Dear Friends,
I'm unsubscribing after I send this, as I leave on Wed. for 6 weeks up in
the Northern Territory making lace in the nuddy!!1
See you when I get back
David in Ballarat
--
Internal Virus Database is out-of-date.
Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
Version: 7.1.362 / Virus Database:
THE DIFFERENCE 30 YEARS MAKE!
1973 : Long hair
2005 : Longing for hair
1973 : Acid rock
2005 : Acid reflux
1973 : Moving to Cape Town because it's cool
2005 : Moving to Cape Town because it's warm
1973 : Trying to look like Liz Taylor
2005 : Trying NOT to look like Liz Taylor
1973 :
You know what would have happened if there had been Three Wise Women
Instead of Three Wise Men?
They would have asked directions, Arrived on time, Helped deliver the baby,
Cleaned the stable, Made a casserole, Brought practical gifts and There
would be Peace On Earth.
BUT, do you know what
REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and
female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop
their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to
mid-December. Female reindeer retain their
Home Honeymoon
Fred and Mary get married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they went back
to mom and dads for the night. In the morning, little Johnny gets up and
has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks
his mum if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, No.
During a BBQ a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured
everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) and just
tripped over a brick because of her new shoes. They got her cleaned up and
got her a new plate of food - while she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid
went
Kid's In Church Real comments made by children
Jesus' Dad's Name A Sunday school teacher asked her class, What was Jesus'
mother's name? One child answered, Mary. The teacher then asked, Who
knows what Jesus' father's name was? A little kid said, Verge. Confused,
the teacher asked, Where did
Dear Janice,
I know that Tamara has T N LACE on her car plate but I was wondering if
anyone can think of a good lacemaking personalized plate.
I've often thought about this, and would love to have LACEMAN. But
unfortunately here in Victoria, Australia, we're only allowed to have 6
digits or
The Australian Poetry Competition had come down to two finalists; a
university graduate and an old aboriginal. They were given a word, and then
allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained
the word.
The word they were given was 'TIMBUKTU'. First to recite his poem
Two Women in Heaven
Two women are new arrivals at the pearly gates and are comparing stories on
how they died:
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible.
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to
get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful
Dear Tamara,
But, more and more, the rule seems to be fraying at the edges, till I'm
worried - more than usual - about opening my mouth in real life rather
than in writing...
Take history; it's almost always preceded by an when written. Should
I, then, say an istorical fact? Same for hotel.
Dear Tamara,
You can now add this Australian version to your repertoire :)
Going through the dictionary I just spotted another word pronounced the
same way, but which she never mentioned: wether...
Whether the wether is shorn,
Depends on the length of his wool.
Whatever the weather,
He'll
Dear Tamara other interested Friends,
and make the best of the situation, willy nilly...
Now there's a phrase with a history! Did you know that the original version
of willy nilly was Will I? Nill I.?
Came across it just this afternoon in a medieval novel I'm reading.
David in Ballarat
No sex tonight? I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and
women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and
Mars thing.I have never figured out why men think with their head and
women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were
A man appears before St. Peter at the pearly gates. Have you ever done
anything of particular merit? St. Peter asks.
Well, I can think of one thing, the man offers. On a trip to the Black
Hills, out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers
who were threatening a young
At 11:47 AM 25/10/05 -0500, C. Johnson wrote:
That makes you the Grand Duke of Lace. I like it.
Susie
How about Comte de Dentelles??? Or perhaps Graf von Kloppeln?
Has the ring of many of my forebears in it:)
David
--
Internal Virus Database is out-of-date.
Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
At 10:29 AM 24/10/05 +1000, Shirley wrote:
Grande Dame of Lace! Distinguished don't you thing?
Susie
How about that David???
Guess I'll just have to settle for my Granny's name for me when I was a
little tacker - Little Sir Echo (of Lace)
David in Ballarat
Shirley in Corio Oz
[EMAIL
LOL. but since you ask, no grey or gray. Annoyingly thin at the
forelock, and a badger-like colour scheme of brown/black with white.
the bit left at the back is still blonde, but the sides are grey. Still
blonde everywhere else :)
David
--
bye for now
Bev in Sooke BC (on Vancouver
At 11:32 PM 22/10/05 -0400, Dearl Kniskern wrote:
dear dowagers and gaffers
Nah! It can't be Gaffers. That's a Pommie word which
isn't used down here in the Land of Oz.
We could use Codger or Cove - but they too are now archaic.
David
--
Internal Virus Database is
Dear Friends,
Having been sent the following definition of a Dowager:-
Dowager \Dowa*ger\, n. [OF. douagiere, fr. douage dower. See
Dower.]
1. (Eng. Law) A widow endowed, or having a jointure; a widow
who either enjoys a dower from her deceased husband, or
has property of her own brought by her
Since I'm an Arachne Dowager, with more than 10yrs of seniority and
tons of
Hey, so am I. Shall we strike a bobbin for the Arachne dowagers ~ or
perhaps a needlepin... :p
Me too - but what on earth do you call a dowager bloke???
David in Ballarat
--
bye for now
Bev in Sooke BC (on
One of my bygone recollections,
as I recall the days of yore,
is the little house, behind the house,
with the crescent o'er the door.
'Twas a place to sit and ponder
with your head bowed down so low,
knowing that you wouldn't be there,
if you didn't have to go.
Ours was a large three-holer,
with
At 07:44 PM 12/10/05 +0100, [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote:
What an achievement, David! BTW what are Gumnuts?
It is a List of Australian Lace Makers - that way we don't have to concern
ourselves with misunderstanding of slang :)
David
Dee Palin
Gloucestershire
-
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7 reasons not to mess with children.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a
human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very
small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by
LAST WORDS
Lying in a hospital bed, the dying man began to flail about and make
motions as if he would like to speak. The priest, keeping watch at the side
of the bed leaned quietly over and asked, Do you have something you would
like to say?
The man nodded in the affirmative and the priest
Dear Friends,
Last week I completed teaching another class in Lace Making for Beginners
here in Ballarat. I duly gave each of the students info on joining Gumnuts
and arachne so I'm hoping that soon we shall hear from:-
Ina in Ballan; Lynn and Judith from Bacchus Marsh and Dawn from Ararat
Enjoy
David in Ballarat
Women's Studies
A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the
kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on
where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged
Dear Friends,
I spent a long exhausting day at Geelong yesterday judging the lace at
their 150th show.
Of course I am unable yet to announce any results, but I'm sure the various
winners will do that when they know.
I have photographed every piece and so if any of you would like photos of
Wrong Side Of The Bed!
Mother Superior was on her way to late morning prayers, when she passed
two novices just leaving early morning prayers, on their way to classes.
As she passed the young ladies, Mother Superior said, Good morning
ladies.
The novices replied, Good morning, Mother Superior,
Subject: Duh!!
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing, and
concludes by saying:
Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident
Oh No, the President exclaims. That's terrible.
His staff sit there, stunned at this display of emotion, nervously
watching as the
Dear Tamara,
Yet another fascinating email - thanks.
Auel, in her series of pre-historic (fictional) books may have struck
many off notes, but she *has* done a lot of research and her idea that
sexually available women painted ther feet red, while not *prove-able*
is an emminently
Dear Jen,
A language expires on average every two years in Australia, and every
fortnight worldwide. Of the 250-odd Aboriginal languages (comprising up to
700 dialects) spoken at the time of colonisation, each as different from
the other as English and Dutch, some 55 have already gone, and the
Clocks
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the
Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, What are
all those clocks?
St. Peter answered, Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie the hands on your clock will
I grew up in the 40s/50s with practical parents. A mother, God love her,
who washed aluminium foil after she cooked in it, then reused it. She
was the original recycle queen, before they had a name for it. A father
who was happier getting old shoes fixed, than buying new ones.
Their marriage was
Subject: FW: FBI'S BEST 12 DEATHS
Every year the FBI, is asked to investigate over 36,000 Serious Crimes
including Suspicious Deaths and Homicides. Every year the Homicide
Investigations Unit puts out its Top 12 Homicides of the year.
1- Alex Mijtus,36 years old, is killed by his wife, armed with
The Story TellersWe are the chosen ones.
(or why I am obsessed/fascinated with Genealogy.
My feelings are that in each family there is one who seems called to find
the ancestors: to put flesh on their bones and make them live again..to
tell the family story and to feel that somehow they
Dear Friends,
Since my last email, I have found that Embleton in Dyrham was a chapelry
in the Parish of Sedgefield.
So can anyone tell me what the main industry was in Sedgefield in the mid
1700s?
Thanks
David in Ballarat
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Checked by AVG
Dear Friends,
In my family history studies I have recently discovered that there was a
large German community living in the Parish of Enbleton, Co. Durham from
1730 t0 1760.
Would anyone have any idea what they could have been doing there at that time.
Many thanks
David in Ballarat
--
No
Irish Maths
An Irishman applies for a job, but the foreman won't employ him until he
passes a little maths test.
Here's your first question, the foreman said. Without using numbers,
represent the number 9.
Without numbers? the Irishman says, Dat is easy. and proceeds to draw
three trees.
Dear Friends,
I'm about to install SKYPE on my computer - that's the most popular
programme whereby your computer replaces your telephone for free. I'd be
most interested to know if any other Arachnids have it.
Thanks
David in Ballarat
--
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Checked by
Try this one.
1. Pick the number of days a week that you would like to have a drink (more
than once)
2. Multiply by 2 (just to be honest)
3. Add 5 (for Sunday)
4. Multiply by 50 ( I'LL wait while you get the calculator)
5.If you already had your birthday this year add 1755, if you haven't add
Dear Friends,
On my recent trip to Fiji I got some more Indian recipes from Roshlyn -
the wife of my friend Pravin, with whom I stay over there. Here they are
for your enjoyment,
David in Ballarat
1.
- 1 large clove of garlic
- 1 cup of mint leaves
- half cup of coriander leaves
- 2 hot
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed
he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar
that way.
The man, who was a priest, said, I am a Father.
The little boy replied, My daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.
The priest looked up
Dear Friends,
I was sent this website for fun and found it simply amazing. I tried it
with many different numbers and it always worked. Could someone tell me how
please?
http://www.netprosol.com/psychic.swf
David in Ballarat
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This is a translation of a letter which claims to be copy of a letter sent
by a young Croatian man to the Croatian Secretary of Defense to avoid
military service. An extraordinary piece of reasoning, worthy of attention
of anyone interested in logic and family relationships.
Dear Minister of
Teacher: Good morning children, today is Thursday,so we're going to have a
general knowledge quiz. The pupil who gets the answer right can have Friday
and Monday off and not come back to school until Tuesday.
Wee Jocky thinks, Yadancer. Ah'm pure dead brilliant at ma general
knowledge stuff.
The Funeral
A woman's husband dies. He only had $20,000 to his name.
After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery; she tells her
closest
friend that there is no money left.
The friend says, How can that be? You told me he had $20,000 a few days
before he died. How could
And I mostly hear you guys (that's Michigan-accent for y'all) with my
undetectable-to-me Michigan accent.
You should hear Tamara's broad Australian accent way down here :)
David
http://www.michigannative.com/ma_home.shtml
:)
Lynn Carpenter in SW Michigan, USA
alwen at i2k dot com
To
Subject: These are quite funny
Subject: Top Ten He Said She Said
10) He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing
to put in it. She said...You wear pants, don't you?
9) She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
He said... It's not my fault...I ran out of money.
8)
Dear Friends,
Tamara, say gracht (canal)
I'd do my best (imagine choking on a chicken bone twice, with an aaah in
the middle), and the room would explode in friendly laughter; ah...
they'd say, you *might* 'make it' in *Belgium*, but, in Netherlands, you
need to practice a lot more...
I
Dear Friends,
I'm biting the bullet here - don't mean to offend anyone, but it did make
me laugh
David in Ballarat
The train was quite crowded, so the U. S. Marine walked the entire length
looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well-dressed,
middle-aged, French woman's poodle
Dear Friends,
Three Little Words That Work !!
(1)The three little words are: Hold On, Please...
The stunt I pulled today worked well. I'm sure the call was from India and
I was having a siesta at the time.
I answered in a very frail voice and when she started her spiel I told her
I was in
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in
their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for
him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of
coffee in
front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the
wall. She watches as
The Outhouse
Ma was in the kitchen doing a bit of cooking, when she hollers out -
Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!
Pa replies, There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse.
Ma yells back, Yes there is, now git out there and fix it.
So Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells
Subject: Who's The Daddy?
Who's The Daddy?
The following are all replies that British women have put on Child
Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details:
These are genuine excerpts from the forms. Be sure to check number
11, It takes the prize.
1. Regarding the identity of
Jenny,
frog (green tree frog by preference)
crocodile (or fierce lizard)
dragon (my favourite animal)
cow (granddaughters favourite animal is a brahman bull :) )
Nope - but I've got a beaut kangaroo here in Tape lace.
David in Ballarat
Jenny Brandis
Kununurra, Western Australia
--
No virus found
Subject: Fw: Granny's Apron
This is precious. I don't think our kids know what an apron IS ...
The principal use of Grandma's apron was to protect the dress underneath,
but along with that, it served as a holder for removing hot pans from the
oven. It was wonderful for drying children's tears,
What is a Cat?
Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They're totally
unpredictable. When you want to play, they want to be alone. When you want
to be alone, they want to play. They expect you to cater to their every
whim. They're moody. They leave hair everywhere.
Conclusion:
Why Men Are Just Happier People--
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate
is just another snack. You can be President. You
can never be pregnant. You can wear a white
T-shirt to a water park.
A college class was told to write a short story in as few words as
possible. The instructions were that the story must contain the following
three areas:
(1) Religion
(2) Sexuality
(3) Mystery.
There was only one A+ paper in the entire class.
Good God, I'm pregnant, I wonder who did it.
David
Dear Martha.,
. but this time it was a small kangaroo (well, maybe a wallaby - we don't
know the difference up here), just lolloping along the hallway, peering in
the doorways! After I left, someone told me there was a joey in a pouch
at the nurses' station, but I was in too much of rush to
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4
to 8 year olds, What does love mean?
The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have
imagined. See what you think:
When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint
her toenails anymore. So
Helen,
Noelene - I remember that! It was made into a film with Bruce Spence as
the groom. Don't remember who else was in it, but it was one of the
Australian movies from around the mid to late 70's I think (maybe 1980,
but no later).
I once suffered the misfortune of being the Director of
A gynaecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and was on the
verge of being burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful
hands
would be beneficial, he decided to change careers and become a mechanic.
He found out from the local technical college what was involved, signed
Dear Friends,
Got this great recipe yesterday from a friend when I phoned her to see
whether there was anything you could do with the water from boiling Corned
Beef. It was her Gt Grandmother's. I made it and it's lovely
MUSTARD SAUCE for Corned Beef.
In a bowl place:
- 1 dessertspoon mustard
A Very Loyal Wife...
This woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for
several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One
day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, You know
what? You have been
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a gripe sheet,
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct
the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review
the
gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said
Headlines from the year 2029
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest
country in the world, Mexifornia formerly known as California. White
minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third
language.
Baby conceived naturally . scientists
A MONKS TALE
A new young monk arrives at the monastery and, as with all new monks, he is
assigned to help the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the
church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from
the original manuscript.
So, the new
Dear Friends,
As I type this I have THE most gorgeous little bloke sitting on my knee. It
would appear that he is also learning to type!
Yes today I collected my new kitten - Roxy's Gt Gt grandson, now known as
Rocket. Although only 6 weeks old, he is eating and drinking well and has
already
Household Hints
Sealed envelope - Put in the freezer for a few hours, then slide a knife
under the flap. The envelope can then be resealed. (hmm...)
Use Empty toilet paper roll to store appliance cords. It keeps them neat
and you can write on the
Dear Friends,
Heart-felt thanks to all of you who took the trouble to email me about the
passing of Roxy Hart. I read each and every word with a tear and have duly
saved them all.
This morning I got out my old engraving tool and carved Roxy's tombstone in
a beautiful piece of slate which I
An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and
asked him, Grandpa, what is sex?
The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but
decided that if she's old enough to ask the question, then she's old enough
to get a straight answer.
Steeling
Dear Friends,
What's a good word for a collection of lace makers?
A Motif
What about a Spangle of lacemakers? - a beautiful circle of sparkling old
beads :)
David in Ballarat
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Dear Friends,
I've stripped this text from a jpg file sent to me by one of us recently.
It was worth it - enjoy
David in Ballarat
The Buffalo Theory
In one episode of 'Cheers', Cliff is seated at the bar describing the
Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. I don't think I've ever heard the concept
DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN...?
All the girls had ugly grey uniforms or for games
would tuck their skirts into their gym knickers?
It took five minutes for the TV warm up?
Nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the
kids got home from school?
Nobody owned a pure-bred dog?
When a penny was a
Oestrogen, Pregnancy and Women
PREGNANCY Q A more!
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A:
Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad. (For those of you
not in the know, Eromanga is a small town west of Quilpie in the far south
west of Queensland)
Dear Mum and Dad.
I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the
Army is better than workin' on
Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?
Answer: Princess Diana's death.
Question: How come?
Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French
tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who
was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check
Subject: Blonde joke
A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
She says to the clerk, May I have 50 Christmas stamps?
The clerk says, What denomination?
he blonde says, God help us. Has it come to this?
Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22
ROBBERY
This is just too funny not to share.
Excerpted from an article which
appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2.
Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling
the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected
to find one or
Mum and Dad were watching TV when Mum said, I'm tired, and it's
getting late. I think I'll go to bed. She went to the kitchen to
make sandwiches for the next day's lunches. Rinsed out the popcorn bowls,
took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked
the cereal box levels,
Dear Friends,
In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
Oh yeah!!!? Then how come people are farming emus and kangaroos? Not to
mention having a budgie sitting on ones shoulder talking none stop all day.
Also, I did think my friend Viv had tamed her possum, that is,
Dear Linda,
Just heard that Marks and Spencer`s made a donation to tsunami relief -
thousands of pairs of knickers! What an excellent idea: I know that, if
I'd lost all my clothes in a disaster like that, I'd be delighted to receive
them.
Only one thing wrong with that idea. Most of those people
Dear Friends,
I shall copy below an email from another of my Lists which tells of their
experience in Thailand.
David in Ballarat
Good morning to list members 2nd January 2005.
We have had first hand experience of the dreadful
tidal wave as it hit our hotel in Penang on Boxing Day.
Photos of our
Dear Friends,
A quick note to wish you a wonderful New Year, and let's hope it brings us
all much better news than the last one.
Unfortunately yesterday I wrenched my shoulder and have torn a tendon, so
that puts the cyber on any plans for Sri Lanka, but I'm still on the data base.
David in
Dear Friends,
I must say I've been amazed that in the past 3 days all we can find to talk
about is what Santa brought us, when the world's worst ever natural
disaster has just occurred in the Indian Ocean!!!
Hopefully many of you have been following the news and will know that there
are some
Dear Friends,
If that attitude irks you, David... Well, you're a trained nurse, have no
dependents... You can do more than I can: volunteer for in-the-field work
out there. Just do it through a recoggnised organisation, not on your own.
I am awaiting the phone call now to go with the next team
Dear Friends,
come on , tell us , what did Santa bring you then ???
When he arrived he gave me a telescope. But I can't tell you what else he'd
given me before he'd let :)
David
dominique from Paris ..
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Dear friends,
It's now 1:20 a.m. in Christmas Day and Santa's just left. Boy what a treat :)
Love
David in Ballarat
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Dear Sulochona,
Could you please contact me - my email to you is bouncing.
David in Ballarat
-
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[EMAIL PROTECTED]
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are
flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on insufficient funds when they know there is
not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but
check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue
A Politically Correct Christmas Poem
Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to Elves,
Vertically Challenged they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the North Pole,
were alleged by
Subject: Fw: Pasta diet and carbs
ITALIAN PASTA DIET
IT REALLY WORKS !!
1) You walka pasta da bakery.
2) You walka pasta da candy store.
3) You walka pasta da ice cream shop.
4) You walka pasta da table and fridge.
Also
CONCERNED ABOUT TOO MANY CARBS IN YOUR
1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own
pants.
2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with Guess on it. So I said,
Implants? She hit me.
4. I don't do drugs. At my age I get the same effect
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