> Things I've learned from my Children > (honest & no kidding): > > 1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a > 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep. > > 2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run > over them with roller blades, they can ignite. > > 3. A 3-year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a > crowded restaurant. > > 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor > is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing > Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong > enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint > on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room. > > 5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling > fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to > throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. > A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. > > 6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) > doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan. > > 7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words > "uh oh," it's already too late. > > 8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, > and lots of it. > > 9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even > though a 36-year old man says they can only do it > in the movies. > > 10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract > of a 4 year old. > > 11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in > the same sentence. > > 12. Super glue is forever. > > 13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming > pool you still can't walk on water. > > 14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O. > > 15. VCR's do not eject peanut butter & jelly sandwiches > even though TV commercials show they do. > > 16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. > > 17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. > > 18. You probably do not want to know what the odour is. > > 19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on as > plastic toys do not like ovens. > > 20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute > response time. > > 21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not > make earthworms dizzy. > > 22. It will, however, make cats dizzy. > > 23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy. > > 24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. > > First grade...true story: > > One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of > the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of > the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the > building materials for his home. > > She read,"..And so the pig went up to the man with the > wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, > but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" > > The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do > you think that man said?" > > One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he > said...'Holy crap! A talking pig!'" > > The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes. > > 25. The final one: 60% of men who read this will try mixing the >Clorox and brake fluid.
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