Let’s recap a little.
Balazs asked for advice concerning a card and how to introduce the cabeceo into
a difficult environment. I think we’ve established that using the card as
originally presented pretty much sucks. However, organizers using it on a
table would make it acceptable.
We have not addressed the issue of his idea of a “policy”. I don’t think that
concept would apply on a personal level. It would on an organizational level
to avoid discrimination, etc. But I think someone who says “it’s my policy to
refuse all dances not asked by cabeceo” would just be seen as inflexible and
weird. Besides, I know people who said they had that policy, couldn’t get
dances, and caved. Even Argentines have become used to asking to dance or
being asked to dance while in the States.
We’ve addressed the issue of women refusing/negotiating dances verbally in a
nice way. As for Patricia’s request of telling a man that he’ll get dances if
he gets better, I don’t think that’s really possible. We also have to accept
that people will work only as much as they want to or are capable of. What I
have done is tell a man, “We can dance one dance together” but not make reasons
why he’ll only get one dance from me or indicate that he's unpleasant. I’ll
also make sincere compliments about what I liked better about his dancing since
the last time I danced with him several months ago. All you can do is try to
inspire, not make him focus on his bad dance ability.
As for addressing a difficult environment, I’m not sure what constitutes a
difficult environment. Are organizers totally opposed to the cabeceo? Are the
men pushy? Are they just not informed? My experience is that if people are
informed by someone seen as an authority figure, they’ll follow along. All it
usually takes is information. Information can be disseminated by emails,
discussion, word-of-mouth. The best bet for introducing the cabeceo into a
difficult environment is to enlist the organizer(s) and have them announce the
change. They can also ask a visiting instructor to introduce it in workshops.
Teachers can make a game of it in a pre-milonga lesson (or regular lesson).
An individual who cannot enlist an organizer to the cause can hold her own
“Buenos Aires style” milonga, where the rules are to use the cabeceo. Maybe a
dollar goes to a charity every time someone asks for a dance (or maybe that’s
the fee for the dance). Be creative.
A woman can also catch a man’s eye and smile, as Jack pointed out, thereby
encouraging the man to use the cabeceo. But she’ll still have to deal with
refusing those who ask verbally.
In Pittsburgh, teachers introduced the cabeceo into their beginning classes.
They reinforced it with their students during the weekly milonga. Tango
gypsies used it with each other. But, as Tine pointed out, there are those for
whom the cabeceo is lost and they will still ask for a dance.
Trini de Pittsburgh
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