Is a good marriage based on equality of power in all situations? There is a large
marital conflict literature and we know a great deal about communication differences
between happy and distressed couples. There is also the family feud between Gottman
and Markman about whether it makes sense to teach communication skills to distressed
couples. Do we know how happily married couples settle disagreements when a compromise
is not possible?
For example, when I was first married we had a rear wheel drive car. I wanted to get
snow tires and my wife did not. Buying one snow tire would make things worse, so there
was no apparent compromise. If both members of a couple are equal in all situations,
there often will be impasses. I suspect that impasses are harmful as they would make
it more likely that one, or both, partners will resort to more coercive techniques.
I have had the hunch that one reason my wife and I have such a happy marriage is that
we know when to be submissive to the other person. That is we figure out who cares
most about the given situation. Then the person who cares less submits to the other.
We do not explicitly discuss who cares most, but I think it often guides our decision
making.
Does anyone know of any data on this?
Joe
Joe Horton
Psychology and Social Sciences Department
7373 Admiral Peary Highway
Mount Aloysius College
Cresson, PA 16630
(814) 886-6437
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>>> [EMAIL PROTECTED] 10/24/01 01:36PM >>>
Marriage is based on mutual trust, mutual respect, and
equality--NOT on "submission" or on the oppression of women. That
_anyone_ would teach such a concept to impressionable college students
is outrageous--that it would be done in the context of a marriage and
family course in a psychology or sociology department is unconscionable!
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