Hi Amar,Hi Amar, I would like to add some points to Dinesh list, the parents also concerned with the genetic problems may be faced by the next generation if genetically blindness related Problem facing people get married. If this is the case then one can decide to remain childless or take decision to adopt a child. Now a day’s one can go for IVF treatment where sperm ore ovum’s can be borrowed of a non disabled person. Then the question arises about the upbringing of the child. Parents also are worried about how the blind couple can bring up their child in this cut throat competitive world. Here one should not say to their parents that we will manage that but we should tell them that your support will always be with us. One should try to win the confidence of their parents and not to confront with them. If we try to estimate all the problems in advance and try to find the solution we cannot win the game but we should take the questions as they come. Each person has some positive and negative point weather blind or sighted, we can advocate the positive point of the partner we are looking. We should always insist on 1 point that I can remain happy only with this partner and she only can understand me better. Become little Ziddi.
On 2/7/17, Amar Jain <amarj...@amarjain.com> wrote: > Indeed substantial points. I'll bother you over this weekend to take this > further. > > Warm Regards, > Amar Jain > > Sent from my iPhone > >> On 07-Feb-2017, at 2:42 PM, Dinesh Kaushal <dineshkaus...@hotmail.com> >> wrote: >> >> Well, independent living skills and attitudes are interrelated. >> >> Family members would be opposed due to 2 factors. 1. Due to genuine >> concern that whether a couple with same disability would be able to manage >> or not. 2. Due to another valid concern that a disabled couple might start >> depending on them for their daily needs. >> >> Unless people with disabilities become independent, they cannot hope to be >> able to make decisions for their life. Well, there is another problem >> which I cannot address here, that Indian parents often do not allow their >> children to make their decision anyways. >> >> The most important skill is mobility skill. For example, it is not >> blindness that prevents blind persons to be able to independently move >> around, but it is lack of training in mobility and orientation skills. >> During my student life, my parents didn't allow me to travel alone, but >> that limited my skill development in independent living. Once I realized >> it is not going to work out, I had to insist that I will travel alone. If >> I didn't take that step, later my parents would have thought that I would >> not able to manage on my own. I have seen too many examples of blind >> persons depending on others for mobility. It is ok to ask for directions >> or assistance for new places, but if you need assistance for the same >> place for years or months, then you need to think whether you have made >> enough effort to become independent. It is important to note that we often >> ask what society does for us without pausing to reflect how much we limit >> ourselves without challenging our own limitations. While I am on the topic >> of independent mobility I would also caution reckless behavior. For >> example trying to cross a busy road might not be a wise idea. Often I had >> to wait for 10 or 15 minutes near my college as the traffic was too >> heavy. >> >> Another very important skill is how to seek help. For new places, you >> cannot always go with someone whom you trust. So it is important that you >> feel ok to ask for help. It is also important to have confidence that you >> will manage when you face the problem. I remember when I started to travel >> independently, I tried to think all possible problems that I would face. >> But this paralyzed me and I would avoid to go out. but when I decided to >> take things as they come, I felt easy to start and after solving some >> challenges I got more confidence that I can travel alone. >> >> I still face challenges, but they are no longer a significant one to >> prevent me in dealing with daily life issues. >> >> I can't say too much about cooking as my skills are limited to heating up >> food and occasionally making things such as Maggie. But I know my friends >> Payal Kapoor, Veena Mehta and Pranay Gadodia, and my wife Madhu Bala >> Sharma who are able to cook as good as any sighted person. So I can >> conclude that cooking is not a problem of blindness, though it could be a >> good excuse if you don't want to do it. >> >> If you can afford, cooking can also be managed by hiring someone to do it >> for you. >> >> At the end if you can demonstrate that you can manage with or without paid >> or unpaid help, your family members would trust you. While we are on the >> issue of help, remember you need to have broad set of people whom you can >> depend for help. Like you, everyone else also has their own life so don't >> expect people to help you all the time. >> >> At the end, action speaks louder than words, so if you can demonstrate >> that you can live independently, you have better chance of convincing your >> parents. >> >> >> >> -----Original Message----- >> From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On >> Behalf Of avinash shahi >> Sent: Tuesday, February 07, 2017 11:10 AM >> To: AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning >> the disabled. <accessindia@accessindia.org.in> >> Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners >> >> Realistic solutions aminate from experience. Families will have to be >> convinced to accept the couple and things will be normal within weeks >> and months. One could take their parants to one's friends who are apt >> at living independently and cooking with their families. Remember, not >> only disability but caste, region and religion are still major >> barriers which cause tsunami in the love-life of consenting couples. >> Normally, No parants of blind people want them to marry a blind >> girl/boy, but we will have to convince them if we desire. Tensions >> might occur but things get settled as we choose the path. Parants >> should be convinced that its me who is gonna spend life with my >> partner not you. So continue to shower blessings and accept us. >>> On 2/7/17, Amar Jain <amarj...@amarjain.com> wrote: >>> Hi All, >>> >>> I am sure some of you would have faced the issue of convincing either of >>> the >>> family where parents just do not wish to consider a potential match >>> purely >>> because in their opinion, people with blindness are incapacitated to be >>> a >>> couple and independent living with family support is the only way out. >>> >>> Importantly, in such cases, skills like mobility, cooking etc are >>> absent. >>> While there are ways to address the issue of skill set, how does one >>> deal >>> with attitudinal barriers where parties are not open to hear and >>> understand >>> the ways and means adopted by other couples? >>> >>> Any realistic solutions are welcomed. >>> >>> Warmly, >>> Amar Jain >>> >>> Sent from my iPhone >>> >>> >>> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility >>> of >>> mobile phones / Tabs on: >>> http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>> >>> >>> Search for old postings at: >>> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >>> >>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>> >>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>> please >>> visit the list home page at >>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>> >>> >>> Disclaimer: >>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of >>> the >>> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; >>> >>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the >>> mails >>> sent through this mailing list.. >>> >> >> >> -- >> Avinash Shahi >> Doctoral student at Centre for Law and Governance JNU >> >> >> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of >> mobile phones / Tabs on: >> http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> Search for old postings at: >> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> please visit the list home page at >> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> Disclaimer: >> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of >> the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its >> veracity; >> >> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails >> sent through this mailing list.. >> >> >> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of >> mobile phones / Tabs on: >> http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> Search for old postings at: >> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> please visit the list home page at >> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> Disclaimer: >> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of >> the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its >> veracity; >> >> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails >> sent through this mailing list.. > > > > Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of > mobile phones / Tabs on: > http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > > Search for old postings at: > http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ > > To unsubscribe send a message to > accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in > with the subject unsubscribe. > > To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please > visit the list home page at > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > > Disclaimer: > 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the > person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; > > 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails > sent through this mailing list.. > -- together we can and we will make the differnce Zoher Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of mobile phones / Tabs on: http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in Search for old postings at: http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ To unsubscribe send a message to accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in with the subject unsubscribe. To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please visit the list home page at http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in Disclaimer: 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails sent through this mailing list..
