Cooking & independent living happens to be no issue for blind couples today. Mostly blind women manage cusines & even if one does not, I understand, no house goes without engaging a house help in normal households too, be it paid one or any needy person in your family circle/relations today.
As far being independent in marriages between a blind & sighted one for being independent, I feel it is more a myth not a reality. Definitely one cannot move about places with his/her espouse in each case, each time including moving to work places for advantages of having a sighted partner. Besides, we are well placed & can mostly manage affording a car for which everybody needs a driving assistant, raises your standard & lesser concerns to family dependence. I also would definitely state here: the families cannot chuch their duties as brothers, sisters, parents whatsoever, if they consider the blind newcomer in their family as cumbursome commodity needing help for every household chores or for personal needs. After all, everybody is dependent in family on each other for food, health & entertainment. As per beliefs of having offspring affected too, it may or may not be as God wills, in most case it may happen, but one has to be mentally prepared & accept it, fight it out. I have a few examples where their son was born totally blind by cataract, diagnosed within 3/6 months, underwent operation & recovered 70% vision. We know every sighted person is 4-5% short vision to hundred% & with aging ahead, the percentage increases gradually. One should not forget the intrinsic natural colisions in marriages on 2 footings of blind & sighted ones permanently cultivating hidden inferiority & superiority relating vision possessions. On Wed, 08 Feb 2017 10:14:00 +0530 Dinesh Kaushal wrote >Disclaimer: I do not have any background in genetics, but I remember reading about it. As a rule, there is around 1 percent chance anyone without a disability would have children with disability. Not sure if it is for all disabilities or each major disability has 1 percent chance. But if both partners have a gene that can cause same disability even if they do not have disability themselves, they have a very high chance of a child with disability. So many people without disability don't know that their children could be disabled. But high chance does not mean hundred percent chance; It could be at most 50 percent. Since I am no genetic expert, please check. Same disability means exact cause of disability. For example, if both partners have genetic modification to cause glaucoma then it is same. But if one has genes for glaucoma and the other has genes for another cause such as Optic Atrophy, then the chance is as good as chance in a general population i.e. 1 percent. So if both partners are blind due to different causes, they should not worry too much about it. Besides, In my view a well-trained blind parent can take better care of a blind child as he or she has already learned to live a life with disability, and the real acceptance about disability would come only when people stop worrying about unborn disabled children. -----Original Message----- From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On Behalf Of P. Subramani Sent: Tuesday, February 07, 2017 7:53 PM To: AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning the disabled. Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners another aspect for discouraging marriage between 2 disabled persons is more to do with genetics, the chances of having offsprings with disabilities is quite high, although close-relation marriages are also the causes of offspring with disabilities. In my experience, less than one percent of such couples lead an independent life without depending on others for cooking, household work, etc. I do feel some strong reactions would be expected to my mail, but lets not be hypocratical, most blind/disabled have non-disabled partner. E-Mail: subramani6...@gmail.com Mob: 9738150192 Facebook: facebook.com/subu.subramani.16 ----- Original Message ----- From: "Dinesh Kaushal" To: "AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning the disabled." Sent: Tuesday, February 07, 2017 2:42 PM Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners > Well, independent living skills and attitudes are interrelated. > > Family members would be opposed due to 2 factors. 1. Due to genuine > concern that whether a couple with same disability would be able to manage > or not. 2. Due to another valid concern that a disabled couple might start > depending on them for their daily needs. > > Unless people with disabilities become independent, they cannot hope to be > able to make decisions for their life. Well, there is another problem > which I cannot address here, that Indian parents often do not allow their > children to make their decision anyways. > > The most important skill is mobility skill. For example, it is not > blindness that prevents blind persons to be able to independently move > around, but it is lack of training in mobility and orientation skills. > During my student life, my parents didn't allow me to travel alone, but > that limited my skill development in independent living. Once I realized > it is not going to work out, I had to insist that I will travel alone. If > I didn't take that step, later my parents would have thought that I would > not able to manage on my own. I have seen too many examples of blind > persons depending on others for mobility. It is ok to ask for directions > or assistance for new places, but if you need assistance for the same > place for years or months, then you need to think whether you have made > enough effort to become independent. It is important to note that we often > ask what society does for us without pausing to reflect how much we limit > ourselves without challenging our own limitations. While I am on the topic > of independent mobility I would also caution reckless behavior. For > example trying to cross a busy road might not be a wise idea. Often I had > to wait for 10 or 15 minutes near my college as the traffic was too heavy. > > Another very important skill is how to seek help. For new places, you > cannot always go with someone whom you trust. So it is important that you > feel ok to ask for help. It is also important to have confidence that you > will manage when you face the problem. I remember when I started to travel > independently, I tried to think all possible problems that I would face. > But this paralyzed me and I would avoid to go out. but when I decided to > take things as they come, I felt easy to start and after solving some > challenges I got more confidence that I can travel alone. > > I still face challenges, but they are no longer a significant one to > prevent me in dealing with daily life issues. > > I can't say too much about cooking as my skills are limited to heating up > food and occasionally making things such as Maggie. But I know my friends > Payal Kapoor, Veena Mehta and Pranay Gadodia, and my wife Madhu Bala > Sharma who are able to cook as good as any sighted person. So I can > conclude that cooking is not a problem of blindness, though it could be a > good excuse if you don't want to do it. > > If you can afford, cooking can also be managed by hiring someone to do it > for you. > > At the end if you can demonstrate that you can manage with or without paid > or unpaid help, your family members would trust you. While we are on the > issue of help, remember you need to have broad set of people whom you can > depend for help. Like you, everyone else also has their own life so don't > expect people to help you all the time. > > At the end, action speaks louder than words, so if you can demonstrate > that you can live independently, you have better chance of convincing your > parents. > > > > -----Original Message----- > From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On > Behalf Of avinash shahi > Sent: Tuesday, February 07, 2017 11:10 AM > To: AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning > the disabled. > Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners > > Realistic solutions aminate from experience. Families will have to be > convinced to accept the couple and things will be normal within weeks > and months. One could take their parants to one's friends who are apt > at living independently and cooking with their families. Remember, not > only disability but caste, region and religion are still major > barriers which cause tsunami in the love-life of consenting couples. > Normally, No parants of blind people want them to marry a blind > girl/boy, but we will have to convince them if we desire. Tensions > might occur but things get settled as we choose the path. Parants > should be convinced that its me who is gonna spend life with my > partner not you. So continue to shower blessings and accept us. > On 2/7/17, Amar Jain wrote: >> Hi All, >> >> I am sure some of you would have faced the issue of convincing either of >> the >> family where parents just do not wish to consider a potential match >> purely >> because in their opinion, people with blindness are incapacitated to be a >> couple and independent living with family support is the only way out. >> >> Importantly, in such cases, skills like mobility, cooking etc are absent. >> While there are ways to address the issue of skill set, how does one deal >> with attitudinal barriers where parties are not open to hear and >> understand >> the ways and means adopted by other couples? >> >> Any realistic solutions are welcomed. >> >> Warmly, >> Amar Jain >> >> Sent from my iPhone >> >> >> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility >> of >> mobile phones / Tabs on: >> http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> Search for old postings at: >> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> please >> visit the list home page at >> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> Disclaimer: >> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of >> the >> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; >> >> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the >> mails >> sent through this mailing list.. >> > > > -- > Avinash Shahi > Doctoral student at Centre for Law and Governance JNU > > > Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of > mobile phones / Tabs on: > http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > > Search for old postings at: > http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ > > To unsubscribe send a message to > accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in > with the subject unsubscribe. > > To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, > please visit the list home page at > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > > Disclaimer: > 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of > the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its > veracity; > > 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails > sent through this mailing list.. > > > Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of > mobile phones / Tabs on: > http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > > Search for old postings at: > http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ > > To unsubscribe send a message to > accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in > with the subject unsubscribe. > > To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, > please visit the list home page at > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > > Disclaimer: > 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of > the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its > veracity; > > 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails > sent through this mailing list.. Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of mobile phones / Tabs on: http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in Search for old postings at: http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ To unsubscribe send a message to accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in with the subject unsubscribe. To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please visit the list home page at http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in Disclaimer: 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails sent through this mailing list.. Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of mobile phones / Tabs on: http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in Search for old postings at: http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ To unsubscribe send a message to accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in with the subject unsubscribe. To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please visit the list home page at http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in Disclaimer: 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails sent through this mailing list.. Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of mobile phones / Tabs on: http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in Search for old postings at: http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ To unsubscribe send a message to accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in with the subject unsubscribe. To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please visit the list home page at http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in Disclaimer: 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails sent through this mailing list..
