Nice read Rahul.
On 7/31/19, [email protected] <[email protected]> wrote: > FYI > LIVING INDEPENDENTLY IN A FARAWAY LAND > Posted on July 26, 2019 by Rahul Bajaj > > I have often made references on this blog to how living alone for the first > time has been a key reason why the last year has been so transformative for > me. I can see why that might seem odd to some. Why should a 25-year-old man > living away from his family be noteworthy? Isn’t that just how things are > supposed to be, they might wonder. However, when I step back to reflect on > how my life has thus far unfolded from the standpoint of independent living, > it becomes apparent why this has been such a significant development. Until > I moved to Delhi to take up my first job, my life in my home town was very > circumscribed. > I’d have always access to a driver to get to places. Things like doing the > laundry independently, cooking my own food or washing my utensils had never > even crossed my mind. I always took what was at once both a privilege and a > burden and a blessing and a ‘golden cage’ for granted. > In a country like India, in which the status quo essentially results in the > disabled being relegated to the fringes of society, I have always recognized > my good fortune in having access to the resources critical for me to make > good the major deficit of having a severe impairment. However, the same > resources which freed me from the shackles imposed by my disability > sometimes handicapped me in other ways. > When I was in school, I’d always be accompanied by a sighted helper who took > me everywhere, took my notes for me, dropped me home after school and so on. > Some of my classmates would sometimes speak with her rather than me when > they wanted to find out how many marks I had scored in an exam, for > instance. > When I was around 17 and in junior college, I felt socially isolated, having > no group of friends from school or junior college with whom I met on a > regular basis. I posted about this problem on a mailing list for blind > people, Access India. I got uniformly lambasted, and in retrospect rightly, > for always going everywhere in the company of a sighted helper even at that > age. It was then that I first recognized the importance of breaking free of > my chains which I had until then perceived as a privilege. > After examining from close quarters the superficial relationship that many > children share with their parents, I have come to acquire a newfound > appreciation for my family’s concern in my well being which, though > sometimes misplaced and unfounded, is always rooted in a sense of being > deeply invested in my welfare. I still remember the heated arguments that I > would have with my family every time I would voice a desire to go for a > conference to a different city or pursue an internship. > I found myself locked in a vicious cycle. Because of the patterns of > dependence that I had gotten habituated to, I always had to be accompanied > by a family member if I wanted to travel to a new city. This naturally meant > that the cost to be incurred and resources and energy to be invested in the > project, got doubled. When this was the investment that had to be made to so > much as travel to a nearby city for a conference, naturally, few things > seemed so important as to justify this investment. > One of my role models whose journey never ceases to inspire me is American > Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor. I suppose the key reason for this is > the grace and equanimity with which she has dealt with her impairment, > childhood diabetes and never allowed her impairment of childhood diabetes to > limit the scope of her aspirations. In her book, My Beloved World, she > movingly talks about the difficulty she faced in convincing her family about > the importance of pursuing ambitions with which her family was unfamiliar > and then achieving them. While her grandmother eventually allowed her to go > study at Princeton, she recalls, the former never fully grasped the > significance of this opportunity in Sotomayor’s life, viewing it as just one > of the many things her granddaughter wanted to do. > Around 2 years ago, when someone with whom I was close friends at the time > was getting married and I expressed the wish to travel independently for the > marriage, I got a series of worried messages from my father. “I wake up at 5 > AM every morning,” he wrote in one anxious text, “overcome with anxiety > about how you will manage to travel and live alone in a new city.” > As is always my preferred approach, I tried to reason with him, to point out > the concrete solutions to every problem I might face during the journey. My > parents’ resistance, however, though doubtless based on unconditional love > and concern, was, beyond a point, irrational. It was rooted in the simple > thought: for someone who is blind, even one mistake might be one too many, > forever negatively colouring the rest of your life. And irrational > resistance can rarely be overcome through rational argument. > However, we argued, cried, fought and argued some more. And slowly but > surely, the wheels began turning. I did travel for that wedding alone. I did > go alone to give talks and the like. > Still, living alone in a new country seemed like a bridge too far. To be > sure, my concern with a parent living with me in Oxford was not the visceral > reaction you might expect from some people my age, I would like to think. > (When I told one American acquaintance that we were contemplating the > possibility of my mother living with me, she immediately replied “Yikes, > that would have been so suffocating!” > No, I fully realized that this arrangement would, as a practical matter, > make things easier. I would not have to worry about cooking my food, doing > the laundry, keeping everything in an orderly fashion and so on. However, > what outstripped all of these perceived advantages was a recognition of the > fact that sometimes, doing what is hard and uncomfortable and seemingly > insurmountable is the right thing to do. > And so, after much back and forth, it was decided that my mother would llive > with me for six weeks and then I would be on my own. Now, when I reflect on > the last year, I think it would be fair to say that I have certainly made > progress. I can do all the things I was worried about on my own, though > perhaps not as skillfully as I might like yet. > However, I still receive significant support from the Rhodes Trust for my > nonacademic needs. In the coming year, my aim will be to make this human > support unnecessary to the extent I can. Because I don’t see this period as > just being about growing academically, attending interesting talks, writing > challenging essays and meeting celebrities. It is also a period of pushing > personal boundaries and finding new paths for self growth. > Recently, when I got selected to pursue a summer fellowship in London, our > same old conversation recommenced in my house. Making these arrangements is > just a matter of a few years, my father said. Thereafter, you will get > married and always have the support you need. > Never having dated someone in my life, in part because of the circumscribed > life I have lived owing to the self-imposed limitations I have often placed > on myself, I vehemently resisted this idea. However, I did so in terms that > would turn the very same argument on its head. Which girl, I asked him, > would like to marry a partner who does not even possess the wherewithal to > live alone in a city like London. > While I do not think finding a partner should be what motivates a person to > strive for greater independence, this response did achieve its desired goal > of making him recognize the sheer absurdity of that argument which is all I > was hoping to achieve. What was until then an argument for dependence then > became an argument for greater independence. “You have truly become a > lawyer,” he sighed. > > > -----Original Message----- > From: AccessIndia <[email protected]> On Behalf Of > Asudani, Rajesh > Sent: Wednesday, July 31, 2019 2:21 PM > To: AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning > the disabled. <[email protected]> > Subject: Re: [AI] Living independently in a faraway land > > Please somebody post the contents of the piece as in office I am unable to > open the said site and read. > > > सादर / With thanks & Regards > राजेश आसुदानी Rajesh Asudani > सहायक महाप्रबन्धक AGM > बाजार आसूचना ईकाई MIU > भारतीय रिजर्व बैंक Reserve Bank of India नागपुर Nagpur > > 0712 2806846 > > President > VIBEWA > Co-Moderator > VIB-India > President > DARE-Disability Advocacy, Research and Education A-pilll = Action coupled > with Positivity, Interest, Love, Logic and laughter > > -----Original Message----- > From: AccessIndia [mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf > Of Shruti Pushkarna > Sent: 30 July 2019 14:48 > To: AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning > the disabled.; [email protected] > Subject: Re: [AI] Living independently in a faraway land > > Nice read, Rahul! > > Shruti > > On Tue, 30 Jul 2019 at 13:49, Rahul Bajaj <[email protected]> > wrote: > >> Not my finest piece of writing, but might nonetheless be of some >> interest: >> https://isitjustmeorgroup.wordpress.noclick_com/2019/07/26/living-inde >> pendently-in-a-faraway-land/ >> >> Sent from my iPhone >> >> >> Search for old postings at: >> http://www.mail-archive.noclick_com/[email protected]/ >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> [email protected] >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> please visit the list home page at >> http://accessindia.org.noclick_in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessi >> ndia.org.in >> >> >> Disclaimer: >> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking >> of the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its >> veracity; >> >> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the >> mails sent through this mailing list.. >> >> > > -- > > Shruti Pushkarna > Communications Manager > > Score Foundation > > 17/107, LGF, Vikram Vihar > > Lajpat Nagar IV > > New Delhi 110024 > > > Website: www.eyeway.noclick_org, www.scorefoundation.org.noclick_in > Eyeway Helpdesk:1800 53 20469 (Monday to Friday 10 am to 5 pm) Office Phone: > +91 - 11 - 26472582/81 > Mobile: +91 9818777201 > > > Search for old postings at: > http://www.mail-archive.noclick_com/[email protected]/ > > To unsubscribe send a message to > [email protected] > with the subject unsubscribe. > > To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please > visit the list home page at > http://accessindia.org.noclick_in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > > Disclaimer: > 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the > person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; > > 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails > sent through this mailing list.. > > > ________________________________ > > Caution: The Reserve Bank of India never sends mails, SMSs or makes calls > asking for personal information such as your bank account details, > passwords, etc. It never keeps or offers funds to anyone. Please do not > respond in any manner to such offers, however official or attractive they > may look. > > > Notice: This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and > intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they are > addressed. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, use, > review, distribution, printing or copying of the information contained in > this e-mail message and/or attachments to it are strictly prohibited. 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AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails > sent through this mailing list.. > > > > > > Search for old postings at: > http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ > > To unsubscribe send a message to > [email protected] > with the subject unsubscribe. > > To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please > visit the list home page at > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > > Disclaimer: > 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the > person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; > > 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails > sent through this mailing list.. > > Search for old postings at: http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ To unsubscribe send a message to [email protected] with the subject unsubscribe. To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please visit the list home page at http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in Disclaimer: 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails sent through this mailing list..
