Enjoyed reading it, Rahul. I too can relate to many of your experiences. I recall how my "protective" family did not allow me to join JNU for MA. Regards, Rohith
On 8/1/19, Ajay Minocha <[email protected]> wrote: > Rahul, This makes me recall all your emails/posts which are rightly > mentioned in this outstanding piece. > > Although you certainly deserve a pat on your back for all your > achievements but according to me, your biggest achievement has been > the ability to trust yourself and ask all your doubts without any > hesitation. > > Saying this from my personal experience, it takes ounces of will power > to take that first step! > > All the best for all your future endeavors! > > > On 31/07/2019, George Abraham <[email protected]> wrote: >> Enjoyed reading the piece. Certainly inspire many of us. I like your >> style. >> >> Best >> >> George >> >> -----Original Message----- >> From: AccessIndia [mailto:[email protected]] On >> Behalf >> Of [email protected] >> Sent: Wednesday, July 31, 2019 3:51 PM >> To: 'AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues >> concerning >> the disabled.' >> Subject: Re: [AI] Living independently in a faraway land >> >> FYI >> LIVING INDEPENDENTLY IN A FARAWAY LAND >> Posted on July 26, 2019 by Rahul Bajaj >> >> I have often made references on this blog to how living alone for the >> first >> time has been a key reason why the last year has been so transformative >> for >> me. I can see why that might seem odd to some. Why should a 25-year-old >> man >> living away from his family be noteworthy? Isn’t that just how things are >> supposed to be, they might wonder. However, when I step back to reflect on >> how my life has thus far unfolded from the standpoint of independent >> living, >> it becomes apparent why this has been such a significant development. >> Until >> I moved to Delhi to take up my first job, my life in my home town was very >> circumscribed. >> I’d have always access to a driver to get to places. Things like doing the >> laundry independently, cooking my own food or washing my utensils had >> never >> even crossed my mind. I always took what was at once both a privilege and >> a >> burden and a blessing and a ‘golden cage’ for granted. >> In a country like India, in which the status quo essentially results in >> the >> disabled being relegated to the fringes of society, I have always >> recognized >> my good fortune in having access to the resources critical for me to make >> good the major deficit of having a severe impairment. However, the same >> resources which freed me from the shackles imposed by my disability >> sometimes handicapped me in other ways. >> When I was in school, I’d always be accompanied by a sighted helper who >> took >> me everywhere, took my notes for me, dropped me home after school and so >> on. >> Some of my classmates would sometimes speak with her rather than me when >> they wanted to find out how many marks I had scored in an exam, for >> instance. >> When I was around 17 and in junior college, I felt socially isolated, >> having >> no group of friends from school or junior college with whom I met on a >> regular basis. I posted about this problem on a mailing list for blind >> people, Access India. I got uniformly lambasted, and in retrospect >> rightly, >> for always going everywhere in the company of a sighted helper even at >> that >> age. It was then that I first recognized the importance of breaking free >> of >> my chains which I had until then perceived as a privilege. >> After examining from close quarters the superficial relationship that many >> children share with their parents, I have come to acquire a newfound >> appreciation for my family’s concern in my well being which, though >> sometimes misplaced and unfounded, is always rooted in a sense of being >> deeply invested in my welfare. I still remember the heated arguments that >> I >> would have with my family every time I would voice a desire to go for a >> conference to a different city or pursue an internship. >> I found myself locked in a vicious cycle. Because of the patterns of >> dependence that I had gotten habituated to, I always had to be accompanied >> by a family member if I wanted to travel to a new city. This naturally >> meant >> that the cost to be incurred and resources and energy to be invested in >> the >> project, got doubled. When this was the investment that had to be made to >> so >> much as travel to a nearby city for a conference, naturally, few things >> seemed so important as to justify this investment. >> One of my role models whose journey never ceases to inspire me is American >> Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor. I suppose the key reason for this >> is >> the grace and equanimity with which she has dealt with her impairment, >> childhood diabetes and never allowed her impairment of childhood diabetes >> to >> limit the scope of her aspirations. In her book, My Beloved World, she >> movingly talks about the difficulty she faced in convincing her family >> about >> the importance of pursuing ambitions with which her family was unfamiliar >> and then achieving them. While her grandmother eventually allowed her to >> go >> study at Princeton, she recalls, the former never fully grasped the >> significance of this opportunity in Sotomayor’s life, viewing it as just >> one >> of the many things her granddaughter wanted to do. >> Around 2 years ago, when someone with whom I was close friends at the time >> was getting married and I expressed the wish to travel independently for >> the >> marriage, I got a series of worried messages from my father. “I wake up at >> 5 >> AM every morning,” he wrote in one anxious text, “overcome with anxiety >> about how you will manage to travel and live alone in a new city.” >> As is always my preferred approach, I tried to reason with him, to point >> out >> the concrete solutions to every problem I might face during the journey. >> My >> parents’ resistance, however, though doubtless based on unconditional love >> and concern, was, beyond a point, irrational. It was rooted in the simple >> thought: for someone who is blind, even one mistake might be one too many, >> forever negatively colouring the rest of your life. And irrational >> resistance can rarely be overcome through rational argument. >> However, we argued, cried, fought and argued some more. And slowly but >> surely, the wheels began turning. I did travel for that wedding alone. I >> did >> go alone to give talks and the like. >> Still, living alone in a new country seemed like a bridge too far. To be >> sure, my concern with a parent living with me in Oxford was not the >> visceral >> reaction you might expect from some people my age, I would like to think. >> (When I told one American acquaintance that we were contemplating the >> possibility of my mother living with me, she immediately replied “Yikes, >> that would have been so suffocating!” >> No, I fully realized that this arrangement would, as a practical matter, >> make things easier. I would not have to worry about cooking my food, doing >> the laundry, keeping everything in an orderly fashion and so on. However, >> what outstripped all of these perceived advantages was a recognition of >> the >> fact that sometimes, doing what is hard and uncomfortable and seemingly >> insurmountable is the right thing to do. >> And so, after much back and forth, it was decided that my mother would >> llive >> with me for six weeks and then I would be on my own. Now, when I reflect >> on >> the last year, I think it would be fair to say that I have certainly made >> progress. I can do all the things I was worried about on my own, though >> perhaps not as skillfully as I might like yet. >> However, I still receive significant support from the Rhodes Trust for my >> nonacademic needs. In the coming year, my aim will be to make this human >> support unnecessary to the extent I can. Because I don’t see this period >> as >> just being about growing academically, attending interesting talks, >> writing >> challenging essays and meeting celebrities. It is also a period of pushing >> personal boundaries and finding new paths for self growth. >> Recently, when I got selected to pursue a summer fellowship in London, our >> same old conversation recommenced in my house. Making these arrangements >> is >> just a matter of a few years, my father said. Thereafter, you will get >> married and always have the support you need. >> Never having dated someone in my life, in part because of the >> circumscribed >> life I have lived owing to the self-imposed limitations I have often >> placed >> on myself, I vehemently resisted this idea. However, I did so in terms >> that >> would turn the very same argument on its head. Which girl, I asked him, >> would like to marry a partner who does not even possess the wherewithal to >> live alone in a city like London. >> While I do not think finding a partner should be what motivates a person >> to >> strive for greater independence, this response did achieve its desired >> goal >> of making him recognize the sheer absurdity of that argument which is all >> I >> was hoping to achieve. What was until then an argument for dependence then >> became an argument for greater independence. “You have truly become a >> lawyer,” he sighed. >> >> >> -----Original Message----- >> From: AccessIndia <[email protected]> On Behalf Of >> Asudani, Rajesh >> Sent: Wednesday, July 31, 2019 2:21 PM >> To: AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning >> the disabled. <[email protected]> >> Subject: Re: [AI] Living independently in a faraway land >> >> Please somebody post the contents of the piece as in office I am unable to >> open the said site and read. >> >> >> सादर / With thanks & Regards >> राजेश आसुदानी Rajesh Asudani >> सहायक महाप्रबन्धक AGM >> बाजार आसूचना ईकाई MIU >> भारतीय रिजर्व बैंक Reserve Bank of India नागपुर Nagpur >> >> 0712 2806846 >> >> President >> VIBEWA >> Co-Moderator >> VIB-India >> President >> DARE-Disability Advocacy, Research and Education A-pilll = Action coupled >> with Positivity, Interest, Love, Logic and laughter >> >> -----Original Message----- >> From: AccessIndia [mailto:[email protected]] On >> Behalf >> Of Shruti Pushkarna >> Sent: 30 July 2019 14:48 >> To: AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning >> the disabled.; [email protected] >> Subject: Re: [AI] Living independently in a faraway land >> >> Nice read, Rahul! >> >> Shruti >> >> On Tue, 30 Jul 2019 at 13:49, Rahul Bajaj <[email protected]> >> wrote: >> >>> Not my finest piece of writing, but might nonetheless be of some >>> interest: >>> https://isitjustmeorgroup.wordpress.noclick_com/2019/07/26/living-inde >>> pendently-in-a-faraway-land/ >>> >>> Sent from my iPhone >>> >>> >>> Search for old postings at: >>> http://www.mail-archive.noclick_com/[email protected]/ >>> >>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>> [email protected] >>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>> >>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>> please visit the list home page at >>> http://accessindia.org.noclick_in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessi >>> ndia.org.in >>> >>> >>> Disclaimer: >>> 1. 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AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails >> sent through this mailing list.. >> >> > > > -- > Ajay Minocha > Mob : +91-9584076767 > E mail : [email protected] > [email protected] > Skype: ajayminocha2 > > > > Search for old postings at: > http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ > > To unsubscribe send a message to > [email protected] > with the subject unsubscribe. > > To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please > visit the list home page at > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > > Disclaimer: > 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the > person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; > > 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails > sent through this mailing list.. > > Search for old postings at: http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ To unsubscribe send a message to [email protected] with the subject unsubscribe. To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please visit the list home page at http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in Disclaimer: 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails sent through this mailing list..
