Dear All Take out twenty to 25 minutes to read these case studies conducted by Partially blind woman Researcher Renu Addlakha Really faciniting and stimulating. How Young People with Disabilities Conceptualize The Body, Sex and Marriage in Urban India: Four Case Studies Renu Addlakha Published online: 11 July 2007 Springer Science+Business Media, LLC 2007 http://link.springer.com/content/pdf/10.1007%2Fs11195-007-9045-9 Abstract Historically in India as elsewhere in the world, there has been a deep-rooted cultural antipathy to persons with disabilities. They have been portrayed as medical anomalies, helpless victims and a lifelong burden for family and society. While today there is a general recognition in India of the need to enhance educational and employment opportunities for persons with disabilities in order to promote economic self-reliance and independent living, their sexual needs, dreams and aspirations are more or less invisible. Sexual and reproductive rights are considered irrelevant for persons with disabilities. Using qualitative data, this paper discusses notions of sexual identity among urban Indian youth through four case studies of college students in Delhi. Gender emerges as a key analytical category in perceptions of sexuality among young men and women with visual and locomotor disabilities. The paper does not claim to capture the complex reality of disabled sexuality in India, but highlights some key issues in a hitherto largely under-research domain. But the author’s analysis carries added value, since she herself has low vision; thus conferring a reflexive angle to the research. Keywords Disability Gender Sexuality Identity Visual disability India Gender Subjectivity and Sexual Identity Instead of giving rights to citizens with disabilities and empowering them, a culture of charity and welfare has been systematically promoted in India since the colonial period. The disability discourse has primarily focused on issues related to the medical management, education and employment of persons with disabilities. This is a crucial step in the R. Addlakha (&) Centre for Women’s Development Studies, 25 Bhai Vir Singh Marg, New Delhi 110001, India e-mail: [email protected] 123 Sex Disabil (2007) 25:111–123 DOI 10.1007/s11195-007-9045-9 disability movement, because it has resulted in legislation for affirmative action and other policy moves. A landmark judgment, ‘Persons with Disabilities (Equal Opportunities and Protection of Rights and Full Participation) Act was passed by the Indian Parliament in 1995 [1]. 1]. However, since the focus of discussion and activities both by the state and the non-government organizations in the disability sector is still confined to enhancing the educational and employment opportunities of differently-abled persons, other critical areas of concern such as their fertility, sexual behaviour and reproductive health have not yet found articulation in the public discourse in this country. Anecdotal evidence and personal communication with different stakeholders in the disability sector in India suggest that the rights of persons with disabilities to relationships, a family and children have been completely side-lined. While theoretically endorsing the need to address sexuality concerns of persons with disabilities, interviews with policymakers, special educators, and rehabilitation professionals among others reveal that they assign it a secondary status, arguing that it can be taken up after basic needs of health, education and employment have been addressed. Furthermore, negative stereotyping of persons with disabilities as either asexual or sexual perverts find expressions in the media, films and matrimonial columns validating its neglect as a priority in their day to day lives. Needless to say, the situation of women with disabilities is more fraught as they suffer the double burden of gender and disability-based oppression. Indeed, not only in India but worldwide persons with disabilities emerge as a sexually disenfranchised segment of the population [2]. 2]. There is, in fact, a general social rejection of their sexuality [3– 3– 6]. Consequently, disabled sexuality is an important area in the discipline of disability studies, more particularly feminist disability studies [7– 7– 11]. Even in the Indian context, preliminary work in this domain has been undertaken by feminist researchers in the social sciences [12– 12– 18]. Unlike India where the rehabilitation discourse has mainly focused on special education, very intensive hands on work on disabled sexuality has emerged from the field of rehabilitation in the United States. Research in this area has focused on a number of areas providing critical insight into the domain of disability, sexuality and reproduction. For instance, notions of sexual identity and self-concept in the context of various types of disabilities have been examined [19– 19– 24]. What some of these biographical and observational accounts reveal is that although persons with disabilities suffer more negative attitudes to sex than their non-disabled counterparts, their perceived need is considerably higher. Furthermore, their higher vulnerability to sexual abuse and exploitation has also been explored [25– 25– 29]. The theme of consensual sex in the context of mental retardation has been examined from an ethical perspective [30, 30, 31]. While members of both sexes suffer considerable disadvantages arising out of their disabilities, the situation of women with disabilities is particularly poignant as they suffer the double burden of ableism and sexism [32– 32– 35]. In societies like India, men with disabilities have greater access to health, education and employment opportunities than their female counterparts. They also find it easier to find sexual partners, both with and without disabilities. Indeed, being male shields them from some of the more dehumanizing consequences of being disabled that women with disabilities cannot escape. A woman with a disability is considered incapable of fulfilling the normative feminine roles of homemaker, wife and mother. Then, she also does not fit the stereotype of the normal woman in terms of physical appearance. Since women embody family honour in the Indian context, girls with disabilities are more often than not kept hidden at home by families and denied basic rights to mobility, education and employment. Parents become more protective and restrictive, especially after the adolescent girl reaches puberty. Travelling to school is a double burden, 112 Sex Disabil (2007) 25:111–123 123 with transport difficulties coupled with the danger of sexual abuse and violation. Furthermore, some believe there is no point investing in the education of a girl with disabilities since she will never be able to earn a living. She will eventually be a life-long burden on the natal family because marriage is also not a realistic option. So, it is economically unsound to invest in her education or vocational training. Under these circumstances, they may be married off to older already married men or men in poor health. Annulment of marriage due to disability is a major factor in the lives of women with disabilities. There are more divorced/separated wives than husbands with disabilities [36]. 36]. Very often this occurs because the natal family chooses to conceal the disability, especially if it is an invisible one like mental illness, at the time of an arranged marriage. At other times the married woman with disabilities may be expelled from the marital home for other reasons, ranging from her inability to satisfactorily perform household chores to bearing a child with disabilities. In short, women with disabilities do not have the same options of marriage and motherhood as non-disabled women. Being nurturing and caring are core components of normative constructions of femininity, but women with disabilities may themselves be in need of care. This inversion reduces them to the status of being less than women. Nonetheless, a gender sensitive perspective reveals that men with disabilities also face a whole range of distinctive problems as disability is perceived to severely compromise both self-perceived and other-perceived notions of manhood and masculinity. In males, dependency needs are extremely stigmatizing. The disjunction between traditional notions of what it means to be a man: aggressive, strong, self-reliant and providing financial security and social status to the family, and being a man with a disability in need of assistance, has potentially devastating consequences on sexual identity and overall selfconcept
selfconcept of men with disabilities [37–39]. The case studies discussed in this paper highlight the dilemmas faced by young persons with disabilities, as they struggle to construct their sexual identities within dominant hetero-normative discourses of conjugality in the Indian context. Adolescents and young people were chosen, as this is the period of crystallisation of adult sexual identity. Given the sensitive nature of the topic of research, multiple in depth semi-structured interviews were conducted with informants following the life history approach [40, 40, 41]. The interviews were tape-recorded with permission, pseudonyms used for identification, and then translated from Hindi into English. Subsequently, the transcribed material was subject to content analysis in terms of certain broad categories, such as medical history of impairment, health seeking behaviour, family and educational history, sexual perceptions and experiences, career and marriage plans for the future etc. to constitute the case studies. The narratives reveal that although gender is a major defining element of the disability experience in general and of the self as a sexual being in particular, it does not operate in isolation but intersects closely with other equally important variables such as social class (and caste in the case of India), family composition and dynamics and geographical location. Secondly, the segregation–inclusion discourses influence informants’ opinions of marriage and family life as also their actual social behaviour. Thirdly, although the charity discourse on disability is slowly giving way to the human rights perspective in the public sphere, the transition to a social model approach is far from complete. Indeed, as the case studies show individuals with disabilities may selectively appropriate both perspectives as strategic devices to further their goals. Lastly, my aim is not to present broad generalizations on sexuality and disability in India, but to initiate a discussion on how sexual perceptions, behaviour and attitudes are experientially configured at the micro-level. In that Sex Disabil (2007) 25:111–123 113 123 regard, my own location as a woman with a visual disability becomes a resource to open up a hither-to under researched area in India for exploration. Case study 1 and case study II show how two visually challenged young women attempt to adhere to normative constructions of femininity. Notwithstanding the multiple disadvantages characterizing the lives of women with disabilities in general, both Mira and Payal manage to salvage a positive body image and choose to follow the hetero-normative script. Case study III and case study IV present similar versions of disabled sexuality within the cultural construction of masculinity. Although having different disabilities and studying in the same class, Amit and Lalit show almost equal levels of low self worth and alienation, which are in sharp contrast to the optimism exuded by their female counterparts. Case Study I Mira is a 21-year-old visually challenged young woman pursuing a bachelor of education degree in the Central Institute of Education (CIE) at Delhi University. Her hometown is Allahabad in the state of Uttar Pradesh bordering Delhi, where her family continues to reside. She is the youngest of seven siblings. Her father is a retired bank employee and her mother is a housewife. While her father and siblings have obtained university education, her mother is illiterate. At the time of meeting Mira, two brothers were unemployed and her elder unmarried sister was completing her doctorate in psychology. Mira did her schooling from the National Institute for the Visually Handicapped (NIVH) in the town of Dehra Dun (also in Uttrakhand State), which is a leading institute for education of the visually challenged in India. Subsequently she did her under-graduation from the Indraprastha College of Delhi University. Currently, she lives in the CIE hostel. Mira lost her vision at the age of three years after suffering from diphtheria and related complications that occurred after administration of an injection (details not known to her). Besides the visual loss, Mira feels the childhood infections have had other permanent adverse consequences on her heath like stunting of growth and having ‘water and calcium deposits in her brain’. In addition there is some hormone imbalance in her body. She had to undergo gynaecological intervention to initiate menstruation at the age of 18 years, and is presently on such hormonal medicines as Ovral-G and Ovral L (brand names). Describing life in the NIVH hostel, she said: What I liked the most was all of us living together like a family. I had joined the school at a very young age. I stayed there for 10 years and all of us lived together like siblings. Even though the passage from a special residential school to an integrated college hostel in a different city was a major move, Mira had a relatively smooth transition. Describing the hostel atmosphere at Indraprastha College, she said: I really ‘enjoyed’ being in the hostel. First I was somewhat scared how the other ‘normal’ people will behave with me. Then there is also ragging of the ‘freshers (sophomores) in colleges. But when I actually went there, I found that people were ‘good-natured’ and they helped me out a lot. I ‘adjusted’; to the place very quickly and participated in college functions, even winning prizes in poetry and essay competitions. I also got the Miss Fresher Award in the hostel and Miss Fresher Runner-up Award in the college. 114 Sex Disabil (2007) 25:111–123 123 After completing her B.A., Mira got admission into the B.Ed. program at CIE whose main attraction was the option of getting a teaching job in a government school. She feels it is her duty to earn and give some money at home. So, from the outset it can be seen that Mira charted her life course in accordance with conventional aspirations of a non-disabled person. Despite occasional opposition from the family whose traditional bent of mind made them reluctant to invest in the education of a disabled daughter, her parent’s supportive role cannot be overlooked. She wants to remain in Delhi because opportunities for ‘handicapped people’ in terms of studies and jobs are much more than in Allahabad. Overall, Mira has not done badly for herself at all: she is in a high status position as she is living in a Delhi University hostel, enrolled in a professional course, receiving a stipend for the disabled and has the option of obtaining a job through reservation. Even with family support and a fair amount of good luck, there is reason to dwell upon Mira’s high level of self-confidence and personal autonomy, since visual disability is not the only obstacle she has had to wrangle with. Mira’s sexual development was obstructed by absence of menstruation and development of secondary sexual characteristics during the adolescent years. Although her mother had given her a vague idea about menstruation when she was around 12 years old, she did not perceive anything amiss when all her classmates began menstruating. But when girls in the hostel younger to her also reached menarche, many people became aware of the problem and advised her to seek medical help. Mira subscribes to a model of amenorrhoea driving from the ayurvedic system of medicine that conceptualizes dysfunction and disease in terms of an imbalance between the humours of wind, (vata), bile (pitta) and phlegm (kapha). It is the imputed consequences of such an imbalance, which bothered her more than the absence of secondary sexual characteristics per se. As she explained: The normal discharge of heat and other impurities that happens regularly through menstruation was not taking place, leading to their accumulation in the brain. The possibility that this might affect my brain and hinder the fulfilment of my dreams of becoming something in life really frightened me. As it is memory declines with age, and I did not want my ‘memory power’ to be affected. During her last year at school, Mira and her mother consulted a medical practitioner during her summer vacation in Allahabad. The initial prognosis was bleak with the doctor saying she would not be able to reach menarche due to ‘‘inborn’’ defects. While Mira maintained she received this news stoically, her mother’s reaction to being told that her daughter may not develop sexually was one of extreme alarm and distress. Her mother desired that her daughter should have the assigned sexual identity, even if marriage was not in the reckoning due to the visual disability This response attests to the fine distinction between an ascription of asexuality on the one hand but the strong need for sexualizing the disabled self on the other. Despite the negative prognosis in Allahabad, Mira did not lose hope and consulted a gynaecologist in Dehra Dun whose treatment resulted in the onset of menarche. The momentousness of this event in her life can only be captured in her own words: One day after taking the medicines, I thought something was wrong. I felt very wet. There were several girls in the hostel because we had our music exam. There was only one partially sighted girl among us, but I did not really know her and so could not ask her directly. I just asked her to look at my suit to see if it was dirty, but she said there was nothing wrong. Then, I thought that if my clothes are stained, the maid will surely tell me. I washed my clothes thinking they were normally dirty: but they Sex Disabil (2007) 25:111–123 115 123 were actually badly stained because it was the first time and the flow was very heavy. However when I discussed the matter with totally blind girls like me, they said it was not there even after I told them how I was feeling. Then one of the blind girls gave me a pad and told me to show her the pad before throwing it away. She touched it and said that there was no period. She even smelt it. But it was there for a week and when I went home; my mother said all the clothes were so stained she had to soak them for several hours to get the stains out. She said it was amazing that no one had pointed it out to me. Anyhow, I got the confirmation from my mother and both of us were very happy. The challenges notwithstanding, Mira has been able to carve out a hetero-normative pathway for herself with a boyfriend and plans for marriage and motherhood. At the time of our meetings, she was in a steady relationship with another visually challenged postgraduate student: and they planned to marry as soon as he found a job. Initially, Mira was ambivalent because she feared her gynaecological problems would preclude having a normal sexual life and children. Her boyfriend knew about her medical problems but felt that the ‘understanding’ they shared could not be sacrificed at any cost. Mira explained: He is fully aware of the situation because he accompanies me to the doctor. It is a double problem with me because in addition to the disability, I have these other problems. Then we are also from different castes, which will be a major issue at the time of marriage with our families. But I feel in the case of blind people, there is no caste or religion, there is only the disability. I know my father and brothers will oppose our match because he is from Bihar and of a different caste. But then, no one is going to find a match for me at home. They did not even arrange my elder sister’s marriage, who is normal, healthy, pretty and so highly educated and accomplished in housework. So what will they do for someone like me who is ‘handicapped’? Mira’s personality and life projects strongly contest widely prevalent views of women with disabilities. In the face of multiple challenges, she emerges as an independent, autonomous ambitious and sexually active woman, Although there are some enabling features in her social environment like family support, it is her grit, intelligence and enthusiasm for life firmly embedded in self respect and confidence that contribute to her sense of well being. Case Study II Payal is a 19-year-old visually challenged undergraduate student in a women’s college of Delhi University. She resides in the hostel. Her family lives in a village in Bulandshehar District of Uttar Pradesh. Like Mira she is one of seven siblings. While her father was engaged in agriculture, two of her brothers are schoolteachers. Her mother is also illiterate. Payal attended a number of residential special schools in Delhi. After completing her schooling, she followed the trend set by many of her senior classmates by enrolling in a Delhi University women’s college. Like Mira she acquired her visual disability at the age of 3 years after a bout of fever. Being in the village, she was not taken to the doctor immediately and does not have details of her medical history. Payal largely confines herself to the college premises and to the company of other visually challenged girls. Describing her social interaction with the other girls in the college and hostel, she said: 116 Sex Disabil (2007) 25:111–123 123 I feel most comfortable with ‘blinds’ in the hostel. Everyone stays with their own friends. In passing they will say ‘hi’ or ‘hello’. Sometimes they come to our room or we go to theirs. They have their own group and sometime we are included and sometime we are not. Payal was told by her father and brothers not to venture outside the precincts of the college alone. She told me that she did not like going out on her own. She said: No, I don’t like going out much. I am scared. There are some weird people one can run into. I am more scared of strange people than cars and bicycles. On the street one has to ask for help and mostly there are only men. Sometimes they say bad things and touch you in an inappropriate way. When asked what she wanted to do after completing her B.A. she said laughingly ‘‘I will either get married or do a masters (masters degree)’’ Payal said that her parents do not talk about her marriage, even though her sisters were married at an early age in keeping with the practice of child marriage prevalent in much of rural India. When asked the reason for this, she said: They want me to be independent as I am blind. They cut down on their own expenses so that I can study. But marriage still constitutes Payal’s ultimate aspiration. She said that her brothers would not continue to support her economically for an indefinite period of time. Her parents would not be there to look after for all time to come, and her brothers and sisters’-in-law may not continue to be nice to her: so it was imperative for her to marry. When asked how she wanted her marriage organized, she said her brothers would arrange her marriage because: If something goes wrong, they will at least support me. If I do it on my own, they won’t help because they will say it was my choice, and now I should manage things on my own. Regarding the disability status of her spouse, Payal said she would want to marry a ‘partially blind’ person like herself. Drawing upon the notion of similitude, she felt that a partially sighted person would be in a better position to understand and live with her than either a totally sighted or sightless person. Explaining in more details, she said: Most boys with disabilities want a sighted girl. Visually challenged girls, on the other hand, mostly want a similarly disabled person as their partner. They think a nondisabled person will not be able to cope with them, and may even leave them; I also think like that. I am ‘partially blind’. I should also get a ‘partially blind’ person. When asked to comment on the element of asexuality associated with persons with disabilities, Payal said: No, there is nothing like that. Disabled people can also engage in sex. Don’t disabled people have children? It is not necessary that disabled persons will also have disabled children. There are many disabled persons who have children and they are good parents giving their children love and good education. I had a blind classmate whose maternal aunt and uncle are also blind. They have two daughters. Her uncle is some official and their elder daughter is going to a very good school. Everyone should know that disabled people can do everything. Some people even think we can’t perform tasks like washing and cleaning our room, but that is not true. Disabled people can also do sex like everyone else ‘Blinds’ can do everything. Sex Disabil (2007) 25:111–123 117 123 When asked to comment on the limited options for disabled people in experiencing their sexuality, Payal agreed and said: ‘Normal people’ can make friends with anybody very fast. It is different with blind people. They are mostly attracted by the voice. Then it’s ok to have friendship, if the other person is intelligent. But normal people go after the beauty or looks. So they make more friends. Both these case studies show there is a significant value placed on economic self-reliance both by visually challenged educated women and their families. Since disability significantly diminishes the marketability of women as suitable marital partners, compensation is sought through employment as both a way of enhancing the young woman’s marital chances as also offering her a means of economic self-sufficiency should she be left to fend for herself. From another perspective economic empowerment is the primary concern for men with disabilities as the remaining case studies show. Case Study III Amit is a 25-year-old student also pursuing a B.Ed. like Mira from CIE. He is the second youngest of four siblings. His widowed mother resides with her two married sons and their families in their native village in Pauri District of the state of Uttaranchal. After studying for a few years at the local village school, he continued his schooling at NIVH in Dehra Dun, He completed his under-graduation and post graduation in Hindi from colleges in Delhi University before opting to pursue a B.Ed. He has been a hosteller throughout his school and college education. This makes him the most educated member of his family. Amit’s vision started noticeably declining at the age of 9 years when he was in the fifth standard in the village school. He, however, feels that it was congenital, but remained unnoticed by his family. Talking about his life in the school hostel at NIVH, Amit pointed out that unlike visually challenged girls; boys had greater freedom to move out on their own. Social life included going out in small groups at night for having soup at a nearby stall or smoking and having a drink. They tried to include at least one partially sighted person in the group for the outing. Unlike Mira and Payal, Amit feels less comfortable in the university where he is forced to interact more with non-disabled peers. Comparing hostel life in the integrated and nonintegrated settings, he said: The difference is that in a hostel of our ‘community’ or ‘society’, we don’t feel alone, whereas in the other hostel we feel we are away from our own society. One feels somewhat lonely as there is not much ‘interaction’ with other people. In the other hostel nobody saw us from that angle and we could do whatever we wanted, like singing in the hallway, shouting etc. But we cannot do such things with normal people here because we feel some ‘hesitation’. There are major differences in communication and understanding. Making an interesting gender based comparison; Amit felt that visually challenged girls like Mira from his school in Dehra Dun are managing life much better than him. I see how these girls are doing everything, walking around everywhere. I get scared going out alone. I am not so much fearful of automobile accidents but suppose I get unbalanced and touch an electric wire; suppose I get lost. I am so scared of society. 118 Sex Disabil (2007) 25:111–123 123 However despite an expressed diffidence, Amit affirmed his masculinity by talking with relative ease about several heterosexual attractions or encounters. He gave vignettes of intimacies with sighted classmates in college. The following narrative highlights the intricate mental negotiations between disabled masculinity, desire and personal dignity that Amit experiences in everyday life. One of his classmates gave him a gift for Deepawali (main festival of The Hindu Calendar), a pair of trousers and matching shirt. Earlier, she had refused the advances of another classmate and told him,’’ I would rather marry Amit than you’’. This boy, who was also a hosteller, told Amit what the girl had said. Subsequently, she had given him a Deepawali gift. While giving him the gift she had said to him that while he lacked vision, she also had a shortcoming, namely, she was not beautiful. He felt she had chosen him because both of them had some ‘weaknesses’. While she does try to meet him, he does not go out of his way to meet her. He is also uncertain about the genuineness of her intentions. Two interrelated questions arise in his mind: is she interested in him as a man or as a disabled person? Is she being kind and showing pity or does she really like him? Amit candidly admitted that these incidents could also be his ‘dreams’. Given the slim chances of reciprocation, a blind person cannot tell a sighted person about his feelings. Such inhibitions notwithstanding, he identified sight as the main criterion for his spouse. He said: I have ‘low vision’. I don’t want a totally blind person. She should be able to see at least something. One does not want to just live in a forlorn way. If you want to lead life ‘systematically’, sight is important. How can one manage life well, if both the partners are sightless? It is interesting to compare and contrast Amit’s aspirations with his experiences of life in the integrated and non-integrated settings. On one hand he said that he experienced more alienation and loneliness in the college hostels in Delhi University, yet when it comes to the choice of a spouse, his priority is that his partner should be sighted. It appears that personal well being experienced in the company of other visually challenged persons is not adequate compensation for the advantages of being aligned with a non-disabled spouse in a society which equates absence of vision with individual invalidation and social disenfranchisement. Similar views are held by his classmate Lalit even though his disability is not visual. Case Study IV Lalit is a 21-year-old college student who suffers from polio. His right leg was paralysed at the age of two and a half years. He lives with his parents and younger brother in a lower middle class suburb of Delhi. His father is a freelance priest and his mother is a housewife. His twin brother is also in college. Currently, Lalit like Amit and Mira is working toward his B.Ed. from CIE. He developed polio after receiving an injection from a local doctor for fever1. He underwent all kinds of treatment from both indigenous and biomedical practitioners including surgery. Whenever his parents heard of a new treatment, they would take him there. He said: 1 Onset of provocative poliomyelitis may occur due to intramuscular injection, surgery or other trauma, when the child is incubating polioviruses. Sex Disabil (2007) 25:111–123 119 123 Now I have stopped all medicines. It does not matter since I have made my ‘adjustment in life’. I don’t feel that I have any disability. In fact, I have become so used to it that if one day I am miraculously cured, it is quite likely that I will have adjustment problems in being ‘normal’. Lalit like Amit is reluctant to receive assistance. For instance he would prefer to hang his bag on his crutches while climbing stairs than asking someone to hold onto it for him. Even if someone offers help, his immediate reaction is to refuse. Such ambivalence appears to be born out of an aversion to being the object of sympathy. Coupled with his disability is a range of digestive problems like abdominal distension and need to use the toilet after meals, Since the educational institutions he has attended did not have disabled friendly toilets, he prefers not to consume any food when out of the house confining himself to taking only water. Diminished physical mobility and associated problems have resulted in his adopting a more socially sequestered lifestyle. Lalit felt his attractiveness for the opposite sex was considerably undermined by the fact that he could not walk properly and he was also fat. Putting his experiences in perspective, he said: My experience with girls is ‘totally nil’. Of course I have gone through attraction because it is a biological thing. It has to happen at some age or other but I know how to take care of myself. Lalit was candid about masturbation. I had my first experience when I was in ninth or tenth standard. In Indian society this is considered wrong. It is another thing that is it is ‘number one activity’ among boys. So when I did it for the first time, I felt good at one level because the body’s desires have to be fulfilled, but after that I felt sad that I had done it. Later, I realized that guilt will be there, but it is compulsory for me to do it. Nonetheless Lalit said he did not want to get married. He had come across a few cases of some very unhappily married persons with disabilities. His parents want him to marry in the future so that his family life is ‘settled’. But according to him, In a marriage there should be some equality. My family says that my spouse should not be disabled. ‘Otherwise, how will she help you if she is disabled?’ But if she is not disabled, then there won’t be any equality. Then you can say that the social life might go on well but the personal life will suffer. Discussion and Conclusion While there is a general recognition of the need to enhance educational and employment opportunities of persons with disabilities in order to promote economic self-reliance, their sexual needs, dreams and aspirations remain more or less unrecognized. Despite being socialized into enacting a form of desexualised subjectivity [42– 42– 43], the narratives presented in this paper mark the fissures and points of resistance that enable persons with disabilities to affirm their sexuality. The resilience of young women inhabiting patriarchal spaces is considerable. For instance, the four case studies reveal that although objectively the plight of women with disabilities may be worse, subjectively the mental status of men with disabilities may adversely affect their sense of well being to a far 120 Sex Disabil (2007) 25:111–123 123 greater degree. Mira and Payal show considerable optimism, while both Amit and Lalit appear to be haunted by a deep sense of personal devaluation and foreboding. The four informants express simultaneously experiencing varying levels of alienation in integrated settings, which finds expression in the sphere of intimate relationships. And here there is a gender difference, since both Mira and Payal prefer a disabled partner, while Amit and Lalit favour a non-disabled partner. Both preferences show the importance of the ‘us-them’ (disabled, non-disabled) distinction in the experiences of some persons with disabilities, be they in the area of education, employment or sexuality. Given the social stereotypes and misconceptions that pervade the area of disabled sexuality and the unhappiness and trauma persons with disabilities experience on this count, one area which has received considerable attention in the rehabilitation literature is the training of professionals to manage the sexuality of persons with disabilities [44– 44– 48]. Special modules and training programs have been developed to address the sexual and reproductive health needs of persons with disabilities both in domestic and institutional settings. There is clearly a need to develop similar culturally sensitive and gender specific programs in India. Addlakha’s [49] 49] work is an attempt in this direction. The work on sexuality and disability is not only colored by negative experiences and perceptions. There is some amount of optimism in the accounts of parents with disabilities, especially the autobiographical accounts [50– 50– 53]. What these accounts reveal is that with a little extra effort and assistance, persons with disabilities can be as successful parents as their non-disabled counterparts. Even in India, the last survey undertaken by the National Sample Survey Organization [36] 36] reveals that a little over 50% of persons with disabilities are married. Clearly, they represent a target group whose sexual, reproductive and other health needs remain unmet. Addressing the needs of parents with disabilities and their children will go a long way in simultaneously de-stigmatizing disability and sexuality in Indian society. Acknowledgements The data for this paper was fathered as part of larger research project on youth, sexuality and disability supported by a grant from the MacArthur Foundation in India as part of their Program for Leadership Development between 2003–2005. 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