This discussion has made interesting reading. Knowing that writing
anything
on this could attract all types of comments, still I am putting down my
views.
Few people are stating the current situation while few are talking more
about what should be the ideal scenario.
The only complaint I have with many visually impaired is that they are not
willing to marry any visually impaired at all.
If they consider themselves useful and productive then they should be
ready
to accept a visually impaired partner. My understanding is that those who
have not been able to master their disability due to various factors
desire
sighted partners. Some of these factors may be beyond their control.
Economic status, upbringing, social pressure etc. are few of the factors.
I think the possibility of having visually impaired children is one of the
root cause of this desire. It is however not openly accepted. Parents also
want someone sighted who can look after their son/daughter after them.
What matters is compatibility and understanding. If we get a non-disabled
partner then it may help solve few practical problems but then a visually
impaired partner also takes care of many other matters.
When looking for partners, one should have an open mind. Disability like
caste, religion etc should be a secondary consideration.
I see so many young talented and well settled visually impaired girls all
around here but visually impaired boys even though they are passing the
marriageable age are not ready to accept visually impaird partners.
Finally
they have to make comprimises. Girls sighted or disabled are generally
seen
to be more open minded and accommodating.
It will indeed be great if visually impaired socialize more in the
non-disabled community. It will enhance their personality and at the same
time will increase chances of finding partners.
I am partially sighted and married to a totally blind woman.
-----Original Message-----
From: AccessIndia [mailto:[email protected]] On
Behalf
Of ishita kapoor
Sent: 02 July 2014 14:10
To: AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning
the disabled.
Subject: Re: [AI] . Re: my quriyocity are
normelpeopleintrestedinmarryingblindpartners
I have found the argument of bhavani sir more realistic.
Preety madam, if your aim is just to motivate us then your points are
valid.
I have 40 percent vision.
And if I lose it no sighted person will even think to marry me even in
dream
unless he has social or economical problems.
In that case a guy will marry me if he won't get proper match rather any
girl in able bodied world, Or if I can offer him lots of money if he is
poor
Or I have nice job and he has no earning capacity.
Otherwise no sighted person will marry me just for the sake of charity.
And I don't have any bitter feeling for this belief.
Because everyone has right to choose a life partner who is equal in all
aspects I can't marry with the guy who doesn't have both arms and both
legs.
The same way I shouldn't expect such charity from any able bodied man.
And yes I won't get promotion if I ask my boss to touch his clothes by
saying: sir log kafi tariff kar rahe hai chalo mai bhi chhoo ke dekhu to
tariff kar saku.
I don't have much experience but still I would like to advice all
youngsters
that please don't do this.
Don't ask anyone that: sir ya madam mai apke kapde dekhna chahta hun ya
chahti hun.
On 7/2/14, Preeti Monga <[email protected]> wrote:
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-----Original Message-----
From: AccessIndia [mailto:[email protected]] On
Behalf Of Zoher Kheriwala
Sent: Wednesday, July 02, 2014 11:44 AM
To: AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues
concerning the disabled.
Subject: Re: [AI] . Re: my quriyocity are
normelpeopleintrestedinmarryingblindpartners
In the world we cannot expect every sighted person to get married to a
blind person, even we cannot expect every blind person to get married
to a blind person. Some of us might have rejected the proposal of
sighted person not because of he or she is sighted but many reasons
other vice. Or if we are rejected by sighted person, it might not be
related to our blindness.
Let me have the courage to make the statement, Many of we blind people
have the habit to relate our rejection (not only in marriages but also
in jobs and other sectors) to our blindness, but I am sure that if we
are appealing to the required party then our blindness should not be
of great concern. Yes having some doubt about our work efficiency is
quite natural in the case of sighted partner, this may not be the case
if we are engaged with blind partner. This is the time when we have to
show our ability (not only through talking but also through working).
Marrying to a sighted person or vice versa cannot guaranty of
successful married life. It has very little to do with our blindness.
I have married to a blind girl, We have not accepted each other
because we are blind, blindness is just is a coincidence. Let me put
in other words, My life partner happends to be a person with
blindness.
When we are in a hunt of life partner, we cannot over estimate the
ability of sighted person and we should not under estimate the ability
of blind partner.
On 7/2/14, Shadab Husain <[email protected]> wrote:
Hey Bhawani bhai, nice quotes! The key point is that there has to be
some "self-interest" for both the parties otherwise the friendship
will end. A person with financial poverty and emotional richness can
provide emotional support to the emotionally poor but financially
rich one and thus can be equal in status. Can we apply it on a blind
marrying a sighted? Disagree with it, but I won't - especially after
seeing so many examples on Access India.
-----Original Message-----
From: AccessIndia [mailto:[email protected]] On
Behalf
Of bhawani shankar verma
Sent: 02 July 2014 07:13
To: AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and
issuesconcerning the disabled.
Subject: Re: [AI] . Re: my quriyocity are
normelpeopleintrestedinmarryingblindpartners
"Never make friends with people who are above or below you in status.
Such
friendships will never give you any happiness."
- Chanakya
"There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no
friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth."
- Chanakya
both quotations should also be applied regarding partnership.
marriage is
a
social partnership between to parties where they have joined each
other to satisfy their physical and emotional desires.
----- Original Message -----
From: "aditi shah" <[email protected]>
To: "accessindia" <[email protected]>
Sent: Tuesday, July 01, 2014 6:24 PM
Subject: [AI] . Re: my quriyocity are
normelpeopleintrestedinmarryingblindpartners
Hi there everyone,
Have been reading this discussion since a few days, so felt like
expressing my views as well.
We are all humans blind or not, and we have our own set of skills.
There might be areas we are extremely good at or there might be
areas we cannot do much, in case of us blind it may be because of
our disability whereas incase of sighted it might be due to other
reasons.
According to me, a happy married life demands a set of some basic
skills, like understanding, cooking, up bringing of kids, earning,
socializing, etc.
Again, these basic requirements differ depending on what kind of a
lifestyle one has.
So, in my view, it does not really matter whether we are marrying a
sighted or a blind, what matters is whether our's and our partner's
skills can meet those basic requirements or not.
Considering this, I disagree from the belief that if a blind has to
marry a sighted, he has to make compromises like marrying someone
economically or intellectually weaker than us.
If a blind who is earning well or is from a well-to-do family or may
be is extremely qualified marries a sighted from a weaker economic
background or qualification, it is not a compromise as far as both
partners together possess the required skills.
Even if a blind is marrying a blind, and both of them can manage to
do the required things, may be in ways different than the normal
world, they can indeed have a successful married life.
So, it is not about being blind or sighted, it is always about
finding that someone such that with understanding, you can both
match up for each other's shortcomings.
Life partners are like two pieces of a puzzle, one has to find the
other half that fits perfectly, lest we got to spend our entire life
filling the gaps.
Regards,
aditi
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--
together we can and we will make the differnce Zoher
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