thanks for your wishes radha!

On 5/20/15, Radha <[email protected]> wrote:
> hey shweta, never think of your son being trapped. He will
> never.....He will always be blessed.
>
> On 5/20/15, Shweta Mishra <[email protected]> wrote:
>> hi zoher sir and all!
>> I feel, accepting disabled child and forcefully making them disabled
>> are totally different things.
>> here I'm sharing an incident of my life.
>> when I was pregnant with my son, the doctors advised me to go for a
>> genetic test, cause I'm totally blind since birth but I denied that
>> test because abortion was the only treatment for that.
>> and I was not ready to do so, because I thought, if I kill my unborn
>> child for the same disability which I too have, then I don't have any
>> moral right to live.
>> now my son is 6 months old and looking and responding well like any other
>> child.
>> I wish he won't face any problem in his hole life.
>>
>> On 5/20/15, Lissy Verghese <[email protected]> wrote:
>>> Thhe question is not directed at world's willingness to accept
>>> disability. It is the act of imposing one's decisions on an unborn
>>> child. In a conventional setup, we know that disability is not the
>>> fault of either the child or the parent. But, what if parents force
>>> their children to be disabled?
>>> Thank you!
>>> Lissy Verghese
>>>
>>> On 5/20/15, Zoher <[email protected]> wrote:
>>>> Hi Friends,
>>>>
>>>>  AS many of us are not favor of programmed disabled babies, Here 1
>>>> question
>>>> comes to my mind, & this topic has discussed and debated on this list.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> If we cannot accept predecided disabled child then how can we expect the
>>>> non
>>>> disabled peoples to accept disabled life partners, when they have an
>>>> ample
>>>> choice of non disabled partners.
>>>>
>>>> It does not mean that I subscribe the view of programmed disabled baby
>>>> but
>>>> looking the issue with a different angle.
>>>>
>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>> From: <[email protected]>
>>>> To: "AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues
>>>> concerningthe disabled." <[email protected]>
>>>> Sent: Wednesday, May 20, 2015 12:39 AM
>>>> Subject: Re: [AI] 'How would we feel if blind women claimed the right to
>>>> ablind baby?'
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>> Thank u
>>>>>
>>>>> Sent from my iPhone
>>>>>
>>>>>> On 19 மே, 2015, at 11:03 PM, avinash shahi <[email protected]>
>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Radha,I've googled your queries and pasting below an article based on
>>>>>> questions and answers on the issue.
>>>>>> http://www.sexualityanddisability.org/reproduction/adopting-a-child.aspx
>>>>>> 'The law speaks about the "welfare of the child" and the
>>>>>> interpretation by the administrators is that the welfare of the child
>>>>>> would not be served if there is a disabled person adopting...I know at
>>>>>> least two recent cases where one of the disabled parents is visually
>>>>>> challenged. They were first discouraged by adoption agencies and then
>>>>>> when force and influence was used, relented.'
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Kanchan Pamnani, Visually Impaired Lawyer and Solicitor, Mumbai
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Question1 Can any woman adopt a child in India? Will my age (I am 41)
>>>>>> or disability be considered negative factors?
>>>>>>
>>>>>> According to the law External Website that opens in a new window,
>>>>>> prospective adoptive parents who have a composite age (your age and
>>>>>> your spouse's age added together) of 90 years or less can adopt
>>>>>> infants or young children. A single parent who is not older than 45
>>>>>> years is also eligible to adopt infants or young children. In case of
>>>>>> older and special needs children, the upper age limit can be relaxed
>>>>>> based on the merits of the case. In any case, you need to be an adult,
>>>>>> and the age difference between you and your child has to be atleast
>>>>>> twenty one years.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> If your concerns aren't about the law, then there is no 'ideal' age to
>>>>>> become a mother. Maybe in your community it is more common to see
>>>>>> someone with their first baby in their late twenties, and with a
>>>>>> complete family by their mid-thirties. However, it doesn't mean
>>>>>> anything that differs from this norm is incorrect. In fact, the norms
>>>>>> around marriage and children are themselves changing a lot, and what
>>>>>> held true five, ten or fifteen years ago is often no longer the case.
>>>>>> Women are getting married when they think it's the right age, and
>>>>>> having kids only when they are ready - whether it is giving birth to
>>>>>> them or adopting them.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Similarly, while there is no legal barrier preventing someone with a
>>>>>> disability from adopting, you may still face stigma. Adoption agencies
>>>>>> may try to give you a negative mark stating you won't be able to look
>>>>>> after the child and his or her welfare, but don't get daunted by this.
>>>>>> A disabled woman who is a biological mother takes care of her child,
>>>>>> doesn't she? Some may argue that since you are disabled and need
>>>>>> assistance yourself, how will you raise a baby? Again, nondisabled
>>>>>> mothers often hire help to assist them in looking after their
>>>>>> children.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Given your disability - and your partner's, if he or she is also
>>>>>> disabled - people may also make cruel remarks about how you are
>>>>>> ruining the child's life by adding unwanted 'burdens' and
>>>>>> 'responsibilities' to his or her life. This is not true! Every mother
>>>>>> is different External Website that opens in a new window in ways that
>>>>>> impact upon a child - some are intelligent, some are argumentative,
>>>>>> some are working professionals with little free time, and others like
>>>>>> you, may be impaired. You may not have the unconditional support of
>>>>>> family, friends and the larger community in the same way that other
>>>>>> couples do.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Single women, lesbian women, and other women who are seen as not
>>>>>> conforming to the societal ideal of womanhood - including working
>>>>>> women - face similar issues. Even when there is an outward show of
>>>>>> support, the decision is often questioned. 'Do you really think you
>>>>>> can handle this?' 'Are you being fair to the child you will adopt?'
>>>>>> 'What will people think if an unmarried woman has a child?' Society
>>>>>> often frowns upon single women who choose to bring up children, under
>>>>>> the mistaken belief that without a man and a woman, the family unit
>>>>>> cannot be complete. In reality, there are many different types of
>>>>>> families - joint families, single parents, gay parents - and the
>>>>>> happiness of a child does not depend on the family structure alone.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> By choosing to adopt a child, you are giving him or her a loving and
>>>>>> caring mother and family - you as a mother are more than your
>>>>>> impairment, and no one should make you feel otherwise. Many women with
>>>>>> disabilities have successfully adopted and raised children, and so can
>>>>>> you.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Question2 My disability is genetic. Should I adopt a baby to avoid
>>>>>> giving birth to a disabled child?
>>>>>>
>>>>>> You can adopt a non-disabled child if you want to, but here's a few
>>>>>> things to consider. Even if you have a genetic disability, it is not
>>>>>> necessary that your impairment will be passed on External Website that
>>>>>> opens in a new window to your baby. Genetic disabilities do skip
>>>>>> generations. For example, if you and your husband are visually
>>>>>> impaired, your children may still be sighted. It's a popular myth that
>>>>>> 'disability breeds disability', but that's often not the case.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Also consider that your adopted child may have her own set of genetic
>>>>>> issues, which may or may not manifest in her lifetime. Or your adopted
>>>>>> child may acquire an impairment later on in life. So if you want to
>>>>>> adopt to ensure you will have a non-disabled child, there is no
>>>>>> guarantee of that. And remember, you have lived your life up to this
>>>>>> point with an impairment - who or what's to say that your child won't
>>>>>> manage fine too?
>>>>>> (Source: 'Eugenics' on Wikipedia External Website that opens in a new
>>>>>> window)
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Question3 Can I adopt a child with a disability? If yes, then what
>>>>>> should I think about before taking the decision?
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Here's a few things to consider when adopting a disabled child. There
>>>>>> are varied impairments External Website that opens in a new window and
>>>>>> each has its own challenges. So it is important to think carefully
>>>>>> about the type of child you can best parent, and to be honest with
>>>>>> yourself in making this decision. For example, you may be comfortable
>>>>>> with a physically impaired child, but be unsure about adopting a child
>>>>>> with a mental disability. If you are considering adopting a child who
>>>>>> will have special needs, it is vital to get as much information on the
>>>>>> nature and limitations of the impairment. Spending time with parents
>>>>>> who have children with similar impairments can immensely help. Try to
>>>>>> realistically assess what you can handle - emotionally, physically,
>>>>>> financially and in every other way.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> If you are considering adopting a disabled child, please don't do so
>>>>>> out of charity or pity - a child with an impairment is equally capable
>>>>>> of navigating life and adding joy to your life as any other child,
>>>>>> given a loving and supportive environment.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> And got to know few tips,One of the member here Ka
>>>>>>> On 5/19/15, Radha <[email protected]> wrote:
>>>>>>> Avinash  byeia,
>>>>>>> or anyone else, can please  shed information on, if a  blind married
>>>>>>> couple/  single  can adopt a  disable child from NGO/ state owned
>>>>>>> organisation? Do  we have such privilege? I'm unaware of the real
>>>>>>> fact/ law pertaining to it. When I  aspire to adopt a  child when I
>>>>>>> was without disability, I  was denied on the grounds that I  was at
>>>>>>> my
>>>>>>> early 20's( exactly my age was 21 during ) and single.
>>>>>>> It may sound silly  for asking such question, but I  feel that it is
>>>>>>> the right platform to go with....
>>>>>>> 1. Can a  single disable woman  can adopt any disable child?
>>>>>>> 2. Can a  married blind(total) couple can adopt any child with or
>>>>>>> without disability?
>>>>>>> In both cases, adoption should be made from any orphanage and not
>>>>>>> from
>>>>>>> blood or any other relatives'  kid.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> One more thing, if abled peers think that it is tough to take care of
>>>>>>> a  child, there are many old age houses too, Can we adopt any?
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Do we have supporting law for us?
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> In either cases, it should not be like receiving benefit from them.
>>>>>>> I
>>>>>>> meant to say, we should not be pointed that we adopt them for
>>>>>>> receiving benefit from their side at any stage.
>>>>>>>  "  you adopt me, since you want your daily chores to be fulfilled
>>>>>>> with my help"
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> aforesaid, line will be applicable for any relationship when we have
>>>>>>> our love for them and in return, hear these words...
>>>>>>> Many are blessed with understanding /  mutual love and cared
>>>>>>> relationship .... we really urge for it.
>>>>>>> Please enlighten with prevailing  law that would support  our desire
>>>>>>> to
>>>>>>> adopt .
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> On 5/19/15, avinash shahi <[email protected]> wrote:
>>>>>>>> Though very few members have so far aired their views I could infer
>>>>>>>> those who are not blind by birth have very different standpoints
>>>>>>>> from
>>>>>>>> those who are blind by birth on the issue. Experiential and
>>>>>>>> circumstantial accounts are more powerful than anything else. What I
>>>>>>>> think of the article is that these lesbians didn't adopd an already
>>>>>>>> born deaf child/children but they managed to get through surrogacy.
>>>>>>>> that decision to impose one's own decision on unborn child is
>>>>>>>> debatable and problematic.  Author further rightly goes on to
>>>>>>>> discuss
>>>>>>>> the value of free-will choice which we all yearn for.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Further this article stimulated me to think about those who are
>>>>>>>> blind,
>>>>>>>> abandoned just their post-birth and  languishing in uncaring
>>>>>>>> institutions. There must be thousands of abandoned blind children
>>>>>>>> craving for love and care in state-owned or NGO-runned shelter
>>>>>>>> hhomes.
>>>>>>>> Ideally, privileged and settled blind people should give a thought
>>>>>>>> of
>>>>>>>> adopting those who have no one to fall upon. But these days very few
>>>>>>>> people carry such jestures. Perhaps they are so pained and troubled
>>>>>>>> by
>>>>>>>> their disability that such thought doesn't germinate in their minds.
>>>>>>>> Hopefully, with growing prosperity and increased social standing,
>>>>>>>> some
>>>>>>>> of us will adopt abandoned disabled kids and raise them with the
>>>>>>>> best
>>>>>>>> resources we will have.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> On 5/18/15, avinash shahi <[email protected]> wrote:
>>>>>>>>> In the long argument over designer babies, did anyone imagine that
>>>>>>>>> parents might prefer a designer disability? While we were all
>>>>>>>>> worrying
>>>>>>>>> about the bionic offspring of the super-rich, two deaf lesbians in
>>>>>>>>> America were going round sperm banks, trying to make a deaf baby.
>>>>>>>>> http://www.theguardian.com/world/2002/apr/09/gender.uk1
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> It sounds like the start of a bad joke, except that they have now
>>>>>>>>> managed it twice, thanks to a friend with five generations of
>>>>>>>>> deafness
>>>>>>>>> in his family. They claim that they are especially well equipped to
>>>>>>>>> look after a deaf child, which I am sure is true, and had they
>>>>>>>>> adopted
>>>>>>>>> one such child, or 20, we would all be praising their goodness.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> The difference, of course, is that no child should be forced inside
>>>>>>>>> its parents' psychosis - whether they be from a hardline religious
>>>>>>>>> sect or Deaf Lesbians. The truth is that all of us have to contend
>>>>>>>>> with our parents, for good or ill, but at least we can't be
>>>>>>>>> committed
>>>>>>>>> at birth to spending the rest of our lives as circus performers or
>>>>>>>>> bank clerks, or missionaries. We have free will, and the great
>>>>>>>>> thing
>>>>>>>>> about growing up is personal choice.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> What choice is there if your parents have already decided that you
>>>>>>>>> are
>>>>>>>>> going to be deaf, and that deafness will be your defining identity,
>>>>>>>>> just as it has been theirs? This is not the beauty of
>>>>>>>>> compatibility,
>>>>>>>>> it is genetic imperialism.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> Deaf people, they say, have heightened senses, and a relationship
>>>>>>>>> to
>>>>>>>>> the world not shared by the hearing population. Fine, I have no
>>>>>>>>> trouble with that. But identity is going to be a big issue for the
>>>>>>>>> kids of the Deaf Lesbians, because both women belong to a radical
>>>>>>>>> group that defines deafness like blackness - not as a disability
>>>>>>>>> but
>>>>>>>>> as cultural difference.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> My closest friend is black. She married a white man and their
>>>>>>>>> eldest
>>>>>>>>> child looks like an English rose - pale skin, blond hair, blue
>>>>>>>>> eyes.
>>>>>>>>> Nature does this kind of thing, and it is a celebration of
>>>>>>>>> difference
>>>>>>>>> and sameness all mixed up together. Nobody knows what kind of baby
>>>>>>>>> any
>>>>>>>>> two people will produce - and surely this is a blessing, not a
>>>>>>>>> bore?
>>>>>>>>> Must we control everything? If the answer is yes, we are paranoid.
>>>>>>>>> If
>>>>>>>>> either of the Deaf Lesbians in the US had been in a relationship
>>>>>>>>> with
>>>>>>>>> a man, deaf or hearing, and if they had decided to have a baby,
>>>>>>>>> there
>>>>>>>>> is absolutely no certainty that the baby would have been deaf. You
>>>>>>>>> take a chance with love; you take a chance with nature, but it is
>>>>>>>>> those chances and the unexpected possibilities they bring, that
>>>>>>>>> give
>>>>>>>>> life its beauty.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> I am always on the side of risk, and always suspicious of control.
>>>>>>>>> The
>>>>>>>>> more controls we have, the less free we become. Parents usually try
>>>>>>>>> to
>>>>>>>>> control their children, and later their children hate them for it,
>>>>>>>>> while busily repeating the damage themselves.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> How would either of the lesbians have felt if their own parents had
>>>>>>>>> said that heterosexuality was such a beautiful thing that they had
>>>>>>>>> to
>>>>>>>>> screen out any potential gay gene in their children, just to make
>>>>>>>>> sure
>>>>>>>>> they had a good life?
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> How would any of us feel if the women had both been blind and
>>>>>>>>> claimed
>>>>>>>>> the right to a blind baby? Even if we transform the language of
>>>>>>>>> disability into a dialectic of alternative functioning, should the
>>>>>>>>> medical system support parents who want their child to suffer a
>>>>>>>>> serious handicap?
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> We can make our world as friendly as possible for people with
>>>>>>>>> different physical capacities, but we cannot change the simple fact
>>>>>>>>> that it is better to have five senses than four, however enhanced
>>>>>>>>> the
>>>>>>>>> loss of one allows the others to be.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> I believe that hearing, like sight, is a blessing, and if we are
>>>>>>>>> prepared to use technology to breed children we have deliberately
>>>>>>>>> disabled, it is not only the language of disability that will have
>>>>>>>>> to
>>>>>>>>> be radically reworked, but our entire moral perspective.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> What this case suggests is that we can do what we like to our
>>>>>>>>> children, even if the consequences of our actions are irreversible.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> As lesbians, the two women should know something about choice and
>>>>>>>>> personal freedom. They both practise as mental health specialists,
>>>>>>>>> so
>>>>>>>>> I hope they have a colleague who will be able to talk it through
>>>>>>>>> with
>>>>>>>>> two kids who turn up in 20 years, explaining that their mothers
>>>>>>>>> decided that they had to be deaf.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> --
>>>>>>>>> Avinash Shahi
>>>>>>>>> Doctoral student at Centre for Law and Governance JNU
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> --
>>>>>>>> Avinash Shahi
>>>>>>>> Doctoral student at Centre for Law and Governance JNU
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing
>>>>>>>> accessibility
>>>>>>>> of
>>>>>>>> mobile phones / Tabs on:
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>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Search for old postings at:
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>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Disclaimer:
>>>>>>>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the
>>>>>>>> thinking
>>>>>>>> of
>>>>>>>> the
>>>>>>>> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its
>>>>>>>> veracity;
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>>>>>>>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the
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>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> --
>>>>>>> Cheers,
>>>>>>> Radha
>>>>>>> "Everything you want in your life is waiting for you an inch outside
>>>>>>> your comfort zone, and an inch inside your effort."
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing
>>>>>>> accessibility
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>>>>>>
>>>>>> --
>>>>>> Avinash Shahi
>>>>>> Doctoral student at Centre for Law and Governance JNU
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing
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>>>>>
>>>>>
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>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
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>>>
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>>
>>
>> --
>> efforts may fail but don't fail to make efforts.
>>
>>
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>
>
> --
> Cheers,
> Radha
> "Everything you want in your life is waiting for you an inch outside
> your comfort zone, and an inch inside your effort."
>
>
>
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