Awesome. Great mummy and great son! On 6/26/15, payal jethra <[email protected]> wrote: > Single Parenting - Challenges to Overcome and Moments to Cherish! > Source: Blind Welfare Volume 56, No. 1 April 2015 > Published by National Association for the Blind (India) Worli, Mumbai > > (Photograph of Payal & Nihaar) > > "Ding dong bell!!!" > whispered a timid > voice through the > peephole as the > little boy and his > Nanny approached > the wooden door of > the apartment. > It > was > late > afternoon as the > duo came up the > elevator like all > other days to > Nihaar's home - Nihaar the six year old beloved > child of his Mummu, Payal - a visually challenged > single parent to the boy. As Payal unlatched the > door and let them in, Nihaar jumped into her > arms like a puppy overjoyed at the prospect of > being greeted by his mother. On return from > school that Wednesday afternoon, Minakshi Tayee, > the woman who baby sat Nihaar after school on > weekdays until his mother returned from work, > was also surprised to find Payal at home before > them. "You naughty girl," shrieked Nihaar in > overwhelming joy, "How come you reached home > before us, today?" the young man quizzed as he > ran excitedly from room to room,unable to contain > himself for the next half hour. "I thought," quipped > Payal, as she gleefully lifted him up along with > his oval shaped backpack, "on all other days, you > both welcome me home; so today I wanted to > surprise you by reaching home before you and > greet you. Isn't it fun switching places once in a > while?" Pushing aside the strands of her silky > black hair Nihaar rested his head on his mother's > shoulder, affectionately placing his arms around > her neck. For him it was a delightful evening as > he told Minakshi Tayee to prepare some extra > rice and merrily gorged on the simple meal of > dal, rice and curd in a manner he wouldn't on > other days when his mother returned from work > after his meal was over. > Payal and Nihaar have been living by themselves > for two years now after Payal got out of an abusive > marriage in which both Nihaar and she faced > domestic violence. She was well aware of the > challenges of single-handedly parenting a child > in the face of her visual limitations...but still chose > to step out of the bad relationship. She had made > up her mind... anything would be better than > being a victim of vented out anger and frustration > of a man who has no real idea of what a closely > knit family unit is like. > Ever since, she turned a new leaf there was no > looking back for Payal. The boy has been > blooming like a bud and Payal herself is lot more > at peace than she would have been staying in a > bad marriage with the father of her child who > always contradicted her every gesture for her > son, in an attempt to win over the child on his > side and then use him as a helper to serve his > blind self. > As the trio wound up their late afternoon lunch, > Minakshi answered the doorbell. It was Trupti a > freelance journalist for a decade with the local > newspaper - The Face of Mumbai. Trupti often > saw Payal and Nihaar waiting for Nihaar's school > bus, as she stepped out for work each morning, > and had made a rendezvous with Payal that > afternoon to pen down her experiences while > dealing with the challenges of a single parent, > not to mention the trials and tribulations she faced > on account of her limited eyesight due to > Glaucoma. > Putting away his plate into the sink and running > water over his tiny fingers, Nihaar greeted Trupti > Didi as she made herself comfortable on a couch > by the window that overlooked the park which > Single Parenting...Brings Challenges to Overcome and > Moments to Cherish! > Payal Jethra > Undefeated spirit > ________________________________________ > Page 25 > Blind Welfare > 25 > WELFARE > B L I N D > Payal and Nihaar visited over weekends. "Would > you like a drink of water Didi?" asked Nihaar as > he turned off the Television and came to perch by > the window beside Trupti. The amicable lass > handed him a piece of jigsaw that she dug out of > her maroon handbag and got him busy with the > puzzle as she chit-chatted with Payal. > Trupti had been planning this interview for a > while now.She'd often run into Payal walking down > the busy highway on weekday mornings as she > escorted her across to the queues for share- > rickshaws shuttling to the nearest railway station. > Finally, this fantastic Friday had been her chance > to live through Payal's experiences first-hand. > When interviewed about the challenges of being > a visually impaired single parent, this is what > Payal had to say... > How have you managed to keep a discipline in > the diet and nourishment of your growing > child? > A friend of mine, Gratia, has been our Health > Nutritionist - a fitness and happiness guide. Since > her own children are adolescents now, she gives > me pointers over the phone or offers tips on > importance of natural diet, sunlight, home > remedies for minor illnesses and fitness through > Yoga, when she visits us weekly. > "Look Mommy!" jumped Nihaar in excitement one > evening as he flagged up a bunch of Neem leaves > he brought home. "Aunty Gratia showed me the > Neem tree in our backyard and told me how useful > its leaves are to whiten our teeth and its juice to > clean our tummies and its paste should be applied > on the wounds I get while playing! My teeth will > be sparkling white in a week, if I begin using a > leaf or two tonight!" > The next morning, Gratia woke us up at the crack > of dawn and sat us both by the living room > windows that let in sunshine, explaining to Nihaar > the importance of sunlight strengthening his > bones and making him a strong man! > For bringing about a discipline in my diet, I had > to pretty much change my own eating habits. I > come from a family where a lot of non-vegetarian > and fried stuff comprised most meals. But in the > interest of my child, it became important to > restructure our diet to mainly vegetables, pulses, > fruits and milk. It would be highly impractical to > practice eating habits contradictory to what I wish > my child to inculcate, wouldn't it? So, I thank God > this child is an excuse to discipline my own diet. > Nihaar demands simple homemade chapati-bhaji > even after he returns from a birthday party as he > brings home a plate full of spicy samosas and > chips. Although he does suggest to my cook and > me that we should plan a pavbhaji or idli sambar > over the weekends, once in a while! > Emotional Health? > Initially,Nihaar had been insecure and emotionally > volatile for a few months after my settlement. It > was through these couple of months that my cousin > brother and brother-in-law would come over > during evenings and spend time with him, doing > the sort of things that dads do with their sons - > cricket and tennis games to divert his mind, also > narrating to him tales of children who grow up > just fine without dads. > As Nihaar stabilized, we gradually reduced the > frequency of their visits. Soon he got past his > insecurities, although overly depending on Payal > to be an emotional anchor for a while, till he > began to form new friendships at school and > around the building. Even when we had to change > day-cares twice or thrice, he quickly began to > gel with older children of the baby sitters, lovingly > referring to them as "Didi" and "Bhaiya." We have > been very fortunate to find helpful people all > along. At one day-care, he even got involved with > a pet cat and a pet parrot that the lady had at her > home and enjoyed feeding them under the > supervision of Lalita Aunty. The elderly aunty and > her daughter would allow Nihaar to serve their > little kitty a bowl of milk and watch the creature > lap it up in joy. > Undefeated spirit > ________________________________________ > Page 26 > 26 > April 2015 > WELFARE > B L I N D > Taking up studies without readable > sight...must be tough? > It was a little dicey initially when Nihaar was > learning the English and Hindi alphabets. But, > now, we sit together and he spells out English > words as I help him with pronunciation and reads > out Hindi Matras as well. > Visual limitations cannot hinder parents from > getting involved in their child's studies. There are > always workarounds. My friend takes his written > lessons whereas I continue to be aware of what is > done in class daily. In today's age of computers > and internet, it is very easy to let go off the habit > of reading, consequently diminishing children's > enthusiasm for class work. Nihaar must learn to > enjoy reading and writing and this is one arena > where I cannot be a role-model for him because > as a visually challenged person, my tools for > reading and writing differ from the ones that he > uses. My books are all in audio or soft copies > whereas he must experience the thrill of holding > a book, reading through its pages and describing > through the pictures he sees. I insist that my friend > assigns him some written work on which he > spends five to ten minutes each night as I sit > beside him practicing my own Braille dots,moving > my stylus from right to left. Then, he insists on > playing teacher and checking if Mommy has got > all six dots punched correctly! "Good Girl," he > remarks playfully patting Payal on the back, "Now, > you can go to bed." > It is up to us as parents to continue to make > studies feel like fun. If I take a keen interest in > Nihaar's studies, he will bloom. For when we learn > "rango kay naam: hara, lal, peela," only a mother > can fool around calling her son's T-shirt "neela > wala" as she lays his clothes out on the bed for > the next morning! > Have you been lucky enough in getting Help > from friends and society? > Oh! Yes, indeed! I am proud of being a Mumbaiite > and love my city. Wherever, I commute with my > child, be it walking past crowded lanes, on > highways, travelling by local trains or busses or > auto rickshaws or cabs, Mumbaiites have always > come forward to help me and my child locate > handicap coaches, lift my child onto crowded > trains, seats in busses or foot over bridges or > platforms at railway stations.In this regard,I would > say "Salam Mumbai!" My son has been travelling > with me alone since he was two and by now is > familiar with how the blind and visually > challenged commute. He has gotten used to > calling out "Uncle" or "Aunty" as we stand at road > crossings or as he observes the handicap coach > appear a little distant from where we stand at > railway platforms. "Look darling," pointed out a > college student as she walked us toward the > handicap coach one Saturday afternoon, "In case > you are feeling lost, just try to spot this signboard; > it shows a man on a wheel chair," she explained, > gently lifting up Nihaar to give him a better > glimpse of the board dangling from a height. > On the days when the baby sitter takes off and I > am working, Nihaar has travelled to the bank > patiently with me and spent time counting coins > in the cash department during lunch break or > sitting by the deposit machine watching people's > notes disappear miraculously into it! He has spent > hours busying himself punching rough papers or > stamping used stationary or passing rubber > stamps or forms between desks. > Praying and spirituality? > Each night as I tuck Nihaar to bed, we go through > the events of the day, recalling each unique > gesture of an Uncle or a Didi who helped us > through a crowded street, or a maid who put away > her task of washing dishes for a while to sit beside > Nihaar and help him stick weird shaped buttons > as petals on a flower painting he made at school. > I tell him how God loves us so much that He > sends unfamiliar people in disguise to help us > with little tasks that Mom can't perform because > of her visual limitations. > Do you amidst your child's and your own > schedule manage celebrating holidays and > festivals? > Oh! Certainly, that's the best way to teach him > about our rich heritage and diverse culture. On > Republic as well as Independence Day, we wake > Undefeated > ________________________________________ > Page 27 > Blind Welfare > 27 > WELFARE > B L I N D > up well in time to attend the flag-hoisting > ceremony in our society. This Holi, he splashed > colored water with his water-filled pistols and > played with eco-friendly colors with his friends. I > make it a point to be with him through every > celebration, for it assures him that "my mommy > comes with me too!" and this presents me a > chance to relive my childhood. > Where do you see yourself and your child a > decade down the line? > Blooming right here in this cosmopolitan city. I > see him as a mature dynamic, multi-talented man > who apart from his academic career shines in > other aspects such as making "what he terms as > 'white chapattis' which he playfully makes (adding > too much white flour) with my cook every Sunday. > And I see myself as a Bank Officer. It really doesn't > matter what post I ascend to, for both our careers > will move simultaneously. My goal for both of us > is to have a good standard of life rather than a > dazzling standard of living! > On being asked once, by a friend of mine, what > Nihaar wants to become when he grows, he > replied promptly, "Policeman!" "And why is that, > sweetheart?" my friend inquired, lifting Nihaar > onto his lap as he planted a kiss on the child's > white cheek." Because now-a-days, rickshaws > refuse to drive people to where they wish to go > and blind people have to wait long for reaching > their destinations. But when the cop whistles, they > obey. So, when any blind commuter fails to find a > rickshaw after waiting on a crowded street for a > long time, they can call me...and I will come and > shout at the auto rickshaw driver and show him > my batton!" > As Trupti put away her ball point pen and note- > taking pad and gathered her belongings, little > Nihaar jumped off the couch with the colorful > picture of the map of India which he had been > putting together while the freelancer chit-chatted > with his mother. "Look Didi look!" chirped the > boy, "How beautiful our country appears! One > day, we'll start at the break of dawn Mommy, you > and me from Kashmir...and let's see if we can > reach Kanyakumari by dusk if we walk it down? > Or shall we ride a horse?" > [About the author: Payal Jethra lives in Mumbai and > presently works with a reputed nationalized bank. > As a single parent, she has chosen to place her > career on the back burner and make parenting her > primary occupation. Besides writing, she takes > delight in learning and teaching her child chess and > word games during his vacations, whilst keeping his > academic career and psychological growth as her > main focus.She continually looks forward to bridging > the gap between a visually challenged mother and > a sighted child, simultaneously savoring every > moment of the fun and frolic that offers her the > opportunity to relive her childhood.] > > > > Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of > mobile phones / Tabs on: > http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > > Search for old postings at: > http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ > > To unsubscribe send a message to > [email protected] > with the subject unsubscribe. > > To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please > visit the list home page at > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > > Disclaimer: > 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the > person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; > > 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails > sent through this mailing list.. >
Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of mobile phones / Tabs on: http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in Search for old postings at: http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ To unsubscribe send a message to [email protected] with the subject unsubscribe. To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please visit the list home page at http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in Disclaimer: 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails sent through this mailing list..
