Lars Eggert has entered the following ballot position for draft-ietf-ace-mqtt-tls-profile-15: No Objection
When responding, please keep the subject line intact and reply to all email addresses included in the To and CC lines. (Feel free to cut this introductory paragraph, however.) Please refer to https://www.ietf.org/about/groups/iesg/statements/handling-ballot-positions/ for more information about how to handle DISCUSS and COMMENT positions. The document, along with other ballot positions, can be found here: https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-ace-mqtt-tls-profile/ ---------------------------------------------------------------------- COMMENT: ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Found terminology that should be reviewed for inclusivity; see https://www.rfc-editor.org/part2/#inclusive_language for background and more guidance: * Term "master"; alternatives might be "active", "central", "initiator", "leader", "main", "orchestrator", "parent", "primary", "server". * Term "his"; alternatives might be "they", "them", "their". * Term "invalid"; alternatives might be "not valid", "unenforceable", "not binding", "inoperative", "illegitimate", "incorrect", "improper", "unacceptable", "inapplicable", "revoked", "rescinded". Thanks to Theresa Enghardt for their General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) review (https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/msg/gen-art/-D0Fe7Px8IRU5yIFmngv6SR420c). ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- All comments below are about very minor potential issues that you may choose to address in some way - or ignore - as you see fit. Some were flagged by automated tools (via https://github.com/larseggert/ietf-reviewtool), so there will likely be some false positives. There is no need to let me know what you did with these suggestions. Section 2.1. , paragraph 5, nit: > This document follows [RFC7800] for PoP semantics for JWTs (CWTs can > also be used). The PoP token includes a 'cnf' parameter with a s/can/MAY/ ? Section 2.2.2. , paragraph 4, nit: - DISCONNECT packet as explained below. + DISCONNECT packet, as explained below. + + Section 2. , paragraph 4, nit: > e RPK case is handled as described in in Section 3.2.1 of the DTLS profile [ > ^^^^^ Possible typo: you repeated a word. Section 2.2.1. , paragraph 2, nit: > lient MUST validate a public key from a X.509 certificate or an RPK from the > ^ Use "an" instead of "a" if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. "an article", "an hour". Section 2.2.1. , paragraph 7, nit: > equal to 0, and the token is invalid or the claims cannot be obtained in the > ^^^ Use a comma before "or" if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short). Section 2.2.3. , paragraph 2, nit: > to an earlier proposal by Fremantle et al [fremantle14]. After sending the C > ^^^^^ A period is misplaced or missing. Section 2.2.4.2. , paragraph 3, nit: > as shown in Figure 7 and includes the the 8-byte Client nonce, and the signa > ^^^^^^^ Possible typo: you repeated a word. Section 2.2.5. , paragraph 3, nit: > ame or filter in question is either an an exact match to or a subset of at le > ^^^^^ Possible typo: you repeated a word. Section 2.4.1. , paragraph 3, nit: > est for topic "a/b/*", and has a token token permits "a/*", this is a valid s > ^^^^^^^^^^^ Possible typo: you repeated a word. Section 10.1. , paragraph 23, nit: > broker. * Added a statement that the the broker will disconnect on almost an > ^^^^^^^ Possible typo: you repeated a word. Uncited references: [I-D.ietf-ace-oauth-params], [RFC8422], [RFC7251], and [RFC8705]. Document references draft-ietf-ace-aif-05, but -06 is the latest available revision. Document references draft-ietf-ace-pubsub-profile-01, but -04 is the latest available revision. These URLs in the document did not return content: * http://www.ietf.org/internet-drafts/draft-ietf-ace-pubsub-profile-01.txt These URLs in the document can probably be converted to HTTPS: * http://docs.oasis-open.org/mqtt/mqtt/v5.0/os/mqtt-v5.0-os.html * http://docs.oasis-open.org/mqtt/mqtt/v3.1.1/mqtt-v3.1.1.html * http://dx.doi.org/10.1109/SIoT.2014.8 _______________________________________________ Ace mailing list [email protected] https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/ace
