Dear Lars, Thank you very much for your comments - I especially appreciated the nudge for inclusive language and tried to address them as best as I could. I know it was stated that there was no need to inform changes, but let me share the PR <https://github.com/ace-wg/mqtt-tls-profile/pull/103/commits/dda6515a9bdae22b3228e3e62c2097c5c6cd7ea2> still. Explanations of fixes/comments if left unchanged are also inline. Kind regards, --Cigdem
On Mon, 7 Mar 2022 at 09:31, Lars Eggert via Datatracker <[email protected]> wrote: > Lars Eggert has entered the following ballot position for > draft-ietf-ace-mqtt-tls-profile-15: No Objection > > > > Please refer to > https://www.ietf.org/about/groups/iesg/statements/handling-ballot-positions/ > for more information about how to handle DISCUSS and COMMENT positions. > > > The document, along with other ballot positions, can be found here: > https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-ace-mqtt-tls-profile/ > > > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > COMMENT: > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Found terminology that should be reviewed for inclusivity; see > https://www.rfc-editor.org/part2/#inclusive_language for background and > more > guidance: > > * Term "master"; alternatives might be "active", "central", "initiator", > "leader", "main", "orchestrator", "parent", "primary", "server". > [CS: I would like to indeed avoid this work, but it appears as a result of using "Extended Master Secret". Has this been replaced with an alternative?] > > * Term "his"; alternatives might be "they", "them", "their". > [CS: The word appears in acknowledgements to thank specific people; however, happy to change it to their pronouns, if "his" doesn't apply.] > > * Term "invalid"; alternatives might be "not valid", "unenforceable", "not > binding", "inoperative", "illegitimate", "incorrect", "improper", > "unacceptable", "inapplicable", "revoked", "rescinded". > [CS: Fixed except in two places where the word appears as part of a standard MQTT error response.] > > Thanks to Theresa Enghardt for their General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) > review > (https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/msg/gen-art/-D0Fe7Px8IRU5yIFmngv6SR420c > ). > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > All comments below are about very minor potential issues that you may > choose to > address in some way - or ignore - as you see fit. Some were flagged by > automated tools (via https://github.com/larseggert/ietf-reviewtool), so > there > will likely be some false positives. There is no need to let me know what > you > did with these suggestions. > > Section 2.1. , paragraph 5, nit: > > This document follows [RFC7800] for PoP semantics for JWTs (CWTs can > > also be used). The PoP token includes a 'cnf' parameter with a > > s/can/MAY/ ? > [CS: Fixed.] > > Section 2.2.2. , paragraph 4, nit: > - DISCONNECT packet as explained below. > + DISCONNECT packet, as explained below. > + + > [CS: The problematic text no longer exists] > > Section 2. , paragraph 4, nit: > > e RPK case is handled as described in in Section 3.2.1 of the DTLS > profile [ > > ^^^^^ > Possible typo: you repeated a word. > [CS: Fixed.] > > Section 2.2.1. , paragraph 2, nit: > > lient MUST validate a public key from a X.509 certificate or an RPK from > the > > ^ > Use "an" instead of "a" if the following word starts with a vowel sound, > e.g. > "an article", "an hour". > [CS: Looks correct, kept as is.] > > Section 2.2.1. , paragraph 7, nit: > > equal to 0, and the token is invalid or the claims cannot be obtained > in the > > ^^^ > Use a comma before "or" if it connects two independent clauses (unless > they are > closely connected and short). > [CS: Looks correct, kept as is.] > > Section 2.2.3. , paragraph 2, nit: > > to an earlier proposal by Fremantle et al [fremantle14]. After sending > the C > > ^^^^^ > A period is misplaced or missing. > [CS: Looks correct, kept as is.] > > Section 2.2.4.2. , paragraph 3, nit: > > as shown in Figure 7 and includes the the 8-byte Client nonce, and the > signa > > ^^^^^^^ > Possible typo: you repeated a word. > [CS: fixed] > > Section 2.2.5. , paragraph 3, nit: > > ame or filter in question is either an an exact match to or a subset of > at le > > ^^^^^ > Possible typo: you repeated a word. > [CS: The problematic text no longer exists] > > Section 2.4.1. , paragraph 3, nit: > > est for topic "a/b/*", and has a token token permits "a/*", this is a > valid s > > ^^^^^^^^^^^ > Possible typo: you repeated a word. > [CS: The problematic text no longer exists] > > Section 10.1. , paragraph 23, nit: > > broker. * Added a statement that the the broker will disconnect on > almost an > > ^^^^^^^ > Possible typo: you repeated a word. > [CS: The problematic text no longer exists] > > Uncited references: > [I-D.ietf-ace-oauth-params], [RFC8422], [RFC7251], and [RFC8705]. > [CS: Fixed in artart review] > > Document references draft-ietf-ace-aif-05, but -06 is the latest available > revision. > [CS: Fixed.] > > Document references draft-ietf-ace-pubsub-profile-01, but -04 is the latest > available revision. > [CS: Fixed in artart review] > > These URLs in the document did not return content: > * > http://www.ietf.org/internet-drafts/draft-ietf-ace-pubsub-profile-01.txt [CS: version 04 does] > > > These URLs in the document can probably be converted to HTTPS: > * http://docs.oasis-open.org/mqtt/mqtt/v5.0/os/mqtt-v5.0-os.html > * http://docs.oasis-open.org/mqtt/mqtt/v3.1.1/mqtt-v3.1.1.html > * http://dx.doi.org/10.1109/SIoT.2014.8 [CS: Done]
_______________________________________________ Ace mailing list [email protected] https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/ace
