*ADULT PUNS 01-0-11* ** *I work on the 20th floor of my building and found out about a "secret" fire drill next week. If I take the elevator and leave the building early, am I guilty of premature evacuation? (Ed Hexter)*
Two senior citizens were bragging about their sex lives in the elderly homes, "Can you still do it? I have sex with my wife twice a week. How many can you do?" "Oh, I do it almost every night of the week!" "Almost every night?" "Yup! Monday, almost. Tuesday, almost. Wednesday..." *Life is a sexually transmitted disease.* A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top?" she asked. "A 'Daddy Longlegs,'" her father answered. "So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked. As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied, "No, dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs." The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then lifted her foot and stomped them flat. "Well," she said, "that may be OK in California, but we're NOT having any of that shit in Texas!" *What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm? I can't see a thing with all this shit in here!* Jill was talking to her hair stylist. "It's silly," she said, "but my daughter has some sort of crazy idea about losing her hair." "What do you mean?" the beautician asked. "Well, I overheard her on the phone the other day telling her best friend that she hoped she'd be 'balled' soon." *Two girls are sitting in a movie-theater. "That man beside me is fumbling his crotch", one whispers to the other. "Just ignore it", is the answer. "Easy for you to say. He's using my hand!"* After the annual office New Year's Eve party, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?" "Oh, Even worse," she assured him, her voice laden with scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself! You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the president of the company to his face." John looked up and replied, "He's a jerk! Piss on him!" "You did," Louise informed him. "And he immediately fired you." "Well screw him and his whole board of directors," growled John. Louise quickly remarked, "John, I'm really glad you feel that way, because I did! You're back to work on Monday, with a nice raise" *One Greek says to another, "Do you think you'll ever go back to Greece?" "No," he answered, "I'll stick with K-Y Jelly!"* * * -- *".... I am the KING to my own UNIVERSE that Rule my MIND, BODY and SOUL !!! ...." * ** *- Lo Fen Koei -* -- you have this email because you join to "aga-madjid" GoogleGroups. to post emails, just send to : [email protected] to join this group, send blank email to : [email protected] to quit from this group, just send email to : [email protected] please visit to www.facebook.com/aga.madjid, add my Yahoo Messenger at [email protected] or add my twitter @aga_madjid thanks for joinning this group.
