Hi Sabine,
Many thanks for the comments. See my responses inline.
On Thu, Feb 23, 2023 at 7:51 AM Sabine Randriamasy (Nokia) <
sabine.randriam...@nokia-bell-labs.com> wrote:
> Hi Jensen and co-authors,
>
> Please find some other comments on your draft below.
> Best regards,
> Sabine
>
> -----------------------------------------------------
> Comments
> -----------------------------------------------------
> 1. Introduction
>
> --- This section looks quite short and should be enriched with some
> motivation, maybe before parags 1 and 2.
>
> --- Even if listed in Section 4.1, a paragraph should be inserted between
> 1 and 2 on the scope of the data models should be outlined together with
> what is not in scope.
Thanks for the suggestion. We just added a paragraph between 1 and 2 to
briefly illustrate the scope and point the details to Sec 4.
>
>
> --- parag 1. "The basic purpose of this YANG data model is discussed in
> Section 16 of [RFC7285]"
>
> Section 16 in 7285 is 5 pages long and has a lot of subsections. It is
> hard to see where the basic purpose can be found. Maybe add a more
> accurate reference.
>
Actually, the purpose is discussed in the whole section 16 of 7285. Section
4.2 gives a detailed mapping between the requirements and the accurately
referenced subsections. Instead of expanding the mapping in the
introduction, we added a pointer to section 4.2. We hope it can be helpful.
>
> --- parag 2. "The basic structure of this YANG data model is guided by
> Section 16 of [RFC7285]". Similar to preceding comment, please elaborate.
>
> --- An additional paragraph listing the main sections of this document and
> their purpose would help.
Good suggestion. We just added such a paragraph.
>
>
> 4.4. Overview of ALTO O&M Data Model for Reference ALTO Architecture
> "Figure 1 shows a reference architecture for ALTO server
> implementation and YANG modules that server components implement."
> Do you mean "modules that these server components need to implement."?
Yes, we will clarify this.
>
>
> 5.3.1.2. ALTO Server Discovery Setup
> "the IP prefixes in the scope" can you clarify on the "scope"?
We do not want to introduce new terms. Maybe the "scope" here is not clear.
How about we change to the following:
... It configures a set of endpoints that can be served by this ALTO
server.
..., the IP prefixes of the endpoints configured by both static and
dynamic
lists will be translated into DNS NAPTR resource records for server
discovery.
>
>
> 5.4.2. ALTO Information Resources Configuration Management
>
> --- "The developer cannot customize": is the term "cannot" supposed to be
> normative? Does this mean "MUST NOT" or "SHOULD NOT" or rather "it is not
> possible for the developer to customize"? In other word, this sentence
> should say what prevents a developper from customizing and possibly why.
Ah, we are not going to enforce the developer's behavior. We changed the
sentence to: "The developer does not have to customize..."
>
>
> 6.2. Model for ALTO-specific Performance Monitoring
> "ALTO-specific performance metrics" can you explain what this covers? Do
> you mean "ALTO-specific server performance metrics"?
> Can you explain the meaning of metrics "Total amount and distribution of
> traffic" and "Application performance"?
That's a very good catch. Actually, we prefer not to put these two metrics
into this base model. Although these two metrics can be useful, they are
implementation-specific. We added a paragraph to clarify this:
This data model only focuses on the performance metrics that can be
directly
measured at the ALTO server. The following metrics for "measurement of
the impact"
suggested by [RFC7971] are not contained by this data model:
o Total amount and distribution of traffic
o Application performance
But we will discuss in the interim meeting whether we should include them.
>
> -----------------------------------------------------
> Wording & nits
> -----------------------------------------------------
> I grabbed some nits here and there but, for a comprehensive non-redundant
> spell check, it is more efficient to wait for the WGLC-ready version.
>
> --- 4.4
> s/performance monitor and logging and fault manager/performance monitor,
> logging and fault manager
> s/ scope of the data model/ scope of the data models
> s/ user specified/ user-specified
>
> --- 5.3.1.2. ALTO Server Discovery Setup
> s/manual configured/manually configured
>
> --- 5.4.2. ALTO Information Resources Configuration Management
> s/resoruce/resource
> s/One categories/One category
> s/The other categories/The other category
> Maybe "ird" should be capped. "IRD" improves readability, together with
> expanding the acronym at first use.
The quoted "ird" means the node in the YANG module. All the IRDs without
quotes are capped.
>
>
> --- 7.1. The ietf-alto Module
> s/identity nomial/identity nominal
>
Thanks for capturing all the nits. Will fix them.
Thanks,
Jensen
>
>
> >-----Original Message-----
> >From: alto <alto-boun...@ietf.org> On Behalf Of internet-dra...@ietf.org
> >Sent: Saturday, February 11, 2023 3:53 AM
> >To: i-d-annou...@ietf.org
> >Cc: alto@ietf.org
> >Subject: [alto] I-D Action: draft-ietf-alto-oam-yang-03.txt
> >
> >
> >A New Internet-Draft is available from the on-line Internet-Drafts
> directories.
> >This draft is a work item of the Application-Layer Traffic Optimization
> WG of the
> >IETF.
> >
> > Title : A Yang Data Model for OAM and Management of
> ALTO Protocol
> > Authors : Jingxuan Jensen Zhang
> > Dhruv Dhody
> > Kai Gao
> > Roland Schott
> > Filename : draft-ietf-alto-oam-yang-03.txt
> > Pages : 65
> > Date : 2023-02-10
> >
> >Abstract:
> > This document defines a YANG data model for Operations,
> > Administration, and Maintenance (OAM) & Management of Application-
> > Layer Traffic Optimization (ALTO) Protocol. The operator can use the
> > data model to create and update ALTO information resources, manage
> > the access control, configure server-to-server communication and
> > server discovery, and collect statistical data.
> >
> >
> >The IETF datatracker status page for this draft is:
> >https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-alto-oam-yang/
> >
> >There is also an HTML version available at:
> >https://www.ietf.org/archive/id/draft-ietf-alto-oam-yang-03.html
> >
> >A diff from the previous version is available at:
> >https://author-tools.ietf.org/iddiff?url2=draft-ietf-alto-oam-yang-03
> >
> >
> >Internet-Drafts are also available by rsync at rsync.ietf.org:
> :internet-drafts
> >
> >
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>
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