Very long mail :) On Wed, Nov 25, 2009 at 7:48 PM, Gidd Calden <[email protected]> wrote:
> ** > *Thanksgiving Divorce* > > A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and > says,"I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I > are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough. > > "Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. We can't stand the > sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, > and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and > tell her." > > Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck > they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this," > > She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT > getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my > brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a > thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up. > > The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, > "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way." > > *No Thanksgiving Dinner* > > Tis the night before Thanksgiving and all through our house > No turkey is baking; I feel like a louse, > For I am all nestled, so snug in my bed; > I’m not gettin’ up and I’m not bakin’ bread. > No pies in my oven, no cranberry sauce > Cuz I give the orders, and I am the boss. > When out in the kitchen, there arose such a clatter > I almost got up to see what was the matter. > As I drew in my head and was tossing around > To the bed came my husband, he grimaced, he frowned. > And laying his finger aside of his nose, > He scared me to death and I thought, “Here he goes!” > He spoke not a word as he threw back my quilt > And the look that he gave was intended to wilt. > So up to the ceiling my pillows he threw > I knew I had had it, his face had turned blue. > “You prancer, you dodger, you’re lazy, you vixen > Out yonder in kitchen, Thanksgiving you’re fixin.” > But he heard me explain, with my face in a pout: > "I'm just plain too tired and we're eating out!" > > *Ode to Thanksgiving* > > To our national birds > The American Eagle > The Thanksgiving Turkey > May one give us peace in all our states > And the other a piece for all our plates > > ** > *What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey?* > *Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!!* > ** > ***How many turkeys does it take to change a lightbulb?* > *Just one but it takes 5 hours* > ** > *Did you hear about the X-rated turkey? * > *It's served with very little dressing.* > ** > ***Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? * > *The outside!* > ** > > *Twas the Nite of Thanksgiving* > > *Twas the Nite of Thanksgiving > **But I just couldn't sleep > I tried counting backwards, > I tried counting sheep. > * > *The leftovers beckoned - > The dark meat and white > But I fought the temptation > With all of my might * > *Tossing and turning > With anticipation > The thought of a snack > Became infatuation. * > ** > *So, I raced to the kitchen, > Flung open the door > And gazed at the fridge, > Full of goodies galore. * > ** > *Gobbled up turkey > And buttered potatoes, > Pickles and carrots, > Beans and tomatoes. * > ** > *I felt myself swelling > So plump and so round, > 'Til all of a sudden, > I rose off the ground. * > ** > *I crashed through the ceiling, > Floating into the sky > With a mouthful of pudding > And a handful of pie. * > ** > *But, I managed to yell > As i soared past the trees.... > Happy eating to all - > Pass the cranberries, please. * > ** > *May your stuffing be tasty, > May your turkey be plump. > May your potatoes 'n gravy > Have nary a lump, * > ** > *May your yams be delicious > May your pies take the prize, > May your thanksgiving dinner > Stay off of your thighs. > > *Happy Turkey Day > More Ways to be Thankful > > > > > > Regards…Gidd > > > _Platinum Sponsor: [email protected] ARSlist: "Where the Answers > Are"_ _______________________________________________________________________________ UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org Platinum Sponsor:[email protected] ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"
