Re: A shocking and depressing news!
Thanks again for all the empathy, encouragement, mental support, advices, and hints!
However, it seems You guys keep missing my actual, most severe problem, my current darkest fear, and the information I seek about it.
So this time I shall really try to formulate it as accurately as possible:
The information I seek is neither about blindness itself, nor about living/getting along blind in life.
It is actually one step beyond blindness, and I fear it is far worse than it.
I fear, that although I am starting to accept, and get used to my blindness, I will never be able to do so with that state beyond it.
In fact, I doubt I will ever be able to even cope with it, at least not without losing my sanity. (or is "common sense" the correct _expression_?)
Me, who still has a no more functioning, but still existing eyeball, with which I can "sense" the darkness around me, and another one without an eyeball, with a plastic prothesys on its place, can clearly experience the difference, that same difference, which is so difficult for me to explain to You here.
With my still existing, no more functioning eye, I can sense darkness around me, just like if a sighted person would get blindfolded.
With my other eye, which is replaced with the plastic prothesys, I can sense nothing at all, so no darkness even.
It literarily feels as a combination of dead skin, meat, and plastic.
So I only feel something is there, but it produces, it "emits" no senses at all, that's why I compared it to a glass-eye of a puppet, and mentioned the "total puppet" state and feeling, which is the one I fear so enormously.
So, my right eye is still a "sensing", living organ, while the left one is a senseless, "dead" one, I have no visual sense with it, not even the sense of darkness, unlike with the right one.
Just like with our hands or legs, those have no visual sense,
so they cannot "see", visually receive, experience our surrounding, )regardless if it is colorful, black-and white, infrared, or total darkness), the very same is the situation with my left eye.
So the thing I wish, (and also fear) to find out now is, that after the eyeball-removal surgery, will my right eye become just as lifeless as the left one, will I be unable to sense even darkness around me anymore?
Will my head remain totally visionless, meaning without ANY sense of vision, like my hands or legs are?
Edit:
The misunderstandings are probably caused by my definition of "blindness".
Namely, "blindness" for me means "seeing", being able to sense only darkness around myself, while not being capable even of that, is an even far worse situation, a far more scary alternative than blindness itself!
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