Re: I Want to be Banned
OK, I'm gonna lay something on you and I feel that it's important for your own well being to read this the whole way through. One of the worst things that you can do for yourself is rely on others for your own happiness. It just never works. When you're looking for others to validate you, you're giving them the power to build you up or tear you down.
What you want to do is find your own happiness. These are the things that bring you enjoyment. The parts of life that are real, and that give you long term sustainability.
A lot of people think making money and buying stuff all the time makes them happy. It doesn't! What it does do is gives them a pleasurable experience which doesn't last all that long. When they come down off of that, they need to buy more things to stay in that cycle. If they stopped, they'd realize how empty and lonely their lives were.
Why do you think that poor people can be so happy sometimes? They struggle day in and day out just to barely scrape by. They might have to even put one or two or three bills behind to pay for something, then try to play catch up. But, in all that, why is it that they can be so happy? It's surprisingly straightforward. See, in all that, what they do have are family and friends who love and care for them, and whom they love and care for. It may be cliché, but the simple things in life are often the best.
I like to think that happiness is like a pool. When you have a lot of it, you can spread it around to people near you and maybe lift them up a bit. But, when you don't have a lot of it, they can easily take what you do have; in effect, stealing it from you.
Now, let's say two people enter a serious relationship. I'll refer to them as A and B. if A is happy and B is not; B may rely on A for their own happiness. What this will do is slowly drain A over time, until A can no longer sustain their own happiness. Then, both people aren't happy. A is feeling drained, and might even be experiencing symptoms of depression and suicidal thoughts if they feel they can't get out of the relationship. B is more likely to try crazy things to make them happy, or may even lead to the relationship becoming toxic.
On the other hand, if A and B were both happy people before they entered into a relationship, things would pan out a bit differently. Let's say A had a really stressful week at work, leading up to some big important event. They will have to present tomorrow, but tonight, they're anxious, nervous, and maybe a bit afraid. This is where B could sort of lend A some happiness. Just through listening to what A has to say, perhaps looking through A's notes or outline, maybe giving A a massage, or even a more intimate sexual experience. Now A feels more uplifted and confident about their presentation, but this isn't the end of the story. You see, A will at some point in the future reciprocate. This is what a relationship should be. Two people who are in love with each other, who contribute not only to the household, but to the well being of each other and the relationship as a whole. But, this can only happen when you both are happy. If one is relying on the other one, it'll fail each and every time.
Now, moving on from that metaphor, let's look at how you (OP) can modify your expectations of others. The first step of this is to find everyone in your life whom you feel should be able to sway you, or whom you feel should have some influence over you. Once you've done that, everyone else doesn't really matter as much. you're basically rationing the power other people can have over you.
For instance, I don't tend to find your humor funny. I feel that it's kind of dry and lacking. I also believe that you try too hard in most things. That this very nature of yours that causes you to set impossible standards, and then push yourself until you can't anymore is causing your downfall.
I'm just one person though. So, when you're dealing with random internet people, you really have to decide whether or not you're going to let them affect you. In other words, suck it up, buttercup. Don't let one voice in a sea of possible voices set you down some self-destructive path. Though, if you see a bunch of people telling you the same thing, in a manner that seems to be constructive, then you might want to at least take a look at what they have to say. Whether you try to change your behavior at that point is still up to you, but a bunch of people saying the same thing aren't generally going to be wrong - unless of course you're talking about mob mentality.
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