Hi,

thank you for your thorough review and excellent editorial suggestions!  Please 
find my responses inline, <ALEX>.  

In the interest of quick turnaround, we did not first coordinate amongst the 
authors, but I don't think there is anything controversial so I just decided to 
go ahead.  Cedric, there are two items (36 and 37) where you may want to 
doublecheck my response.  

Kind regards
--- Alex


-----Original Message-----
From: rfc-edi...@rfc-editor.org <rfc-edi...@rfc-editor.org> 
Sent: Friday, August 15, 2025 8:28 PM
To: lud...@clemm.org; cpign...@gmail.com; westp...@ieee.org; 
laurent.ciavag...@nokia.com; jefftant.i...@gmail.com; mp.od...@orange.fr
Cc: rfc-edi...@rfc-editor.org; i...@irtf.org; jerome.franc...@uni.lu; 
auth48archive@rfc-editor.org
Subject: Re: AUTH48: RFC-to-be 9845 <draft-irtf-nmrg-green-ps-06> for your 
review

Authors,

While reviewing this document during AUTH48, please resolve (as necessary) the 
following questions, which are also in the XML file.

1) <!-- [rfced] Please insert any keywords (beyond those that appear in the 
title) for use on https://www.rfc-editor.org/search. -->

<ALEX>
Sustainability
Sustainable Networking 
</ALEX>

2) <!--[rfced] In the abstract, rather than "in no insignificant way", we 
suggest making the sentence more direct. Is this update acceptable?

Original:
  On the other hand,
  they contribute to this footprint themselves in no insignificant way.

Suggested:  
  On the other hand,
  they significantly contribute to this footprint themselves.
-->

<ALEX> OK </ALEX>

3) <!--[rfced] Several sentences in the original document that were difficult 
to read have been reworded or separated into two sentences. In some cases, a 
"FYI" has been added to call your attention to the edit. In general, please 
review the edited document closely to make sure that the intended meaning is 
intact. In particular, please review Sections 5.3 and 6.1.
-->

<ALEX> The edits look fine to me.  I am surprised to see that you are 
substituting "trade-off" for "tradeoff" but if that is the preferred way I have 
no issue.  
</ALEX>

4) <!--[rfced] FYI, both "CO2" and "carbon" were used within the same sentence; 
for consistency, the latter instance has been updated.
Please let us know if you prefer otherwise.

Original:
   Notable here is the use of fossil fuels, such as oil,
   which releases CO2 that had long been removed from the earth's
   atmosphere, as opposed to the use of renewable or sustainable fuels
   that do not "add" to the amount of carbon in the atmosphere.

Current:
   Notable here is the use of fossil fuels, such as oil,
   which releases CO2 that had long been removed from the earth's
   atmosphere, as opposed to the use of renewable or sustainable fuels
   that do not "add" to the amount of CO2 in the atmosphere.
-->

<ALEX> This is fine here.  
</ALEX>

5) <!--[rfced] The phrase "as well as land use" doesn't parse in this sentence. 
Is the intended meaning that it minimizes the land area that is used? Does the 
suggested text convey the intended meaning?

Original:
   IoT applications that
   facilitate automated monitoring and control from remote sites help
   make agriculture more sustainable by minimizing the application of
   resources such as water and fertilizer as well as land use.

Perhaps:
   IoT applications that facilitate automated monitoring and control from
   remote sites help make agriculture more sustainable by minimizing the
   usage of water, fertilizer, and land area.
-->

<ALEX> This is fine.  Maybe just make it "land" instead of "land area"?
</ALEX>

6) <!-- [rfced] For clarity, may we update this sentence as follows?

Original:
   An often-considered gain in networking sustainability can be made
   with regards to improving the efficiency with which networks utilize
   power during their use phase, reducing the amount of energy that is
   required to provide communication services. 

Perhaps:
   Reducing the amount of energy that is required to provide 
   communication services and improving the efficiency with which 
   networks utilize power during that use phase are both often 
   considered gains in networking sustainability.

Or:
   As often discussed, networking sustainability can be improved
   by increasing the efficiency with which networks utilize
   power during their use phase, reducing the amount of energy that 
   is required to provide communication services. 
-->

<ALEX>

How about this: 
   One way in which gains in network sustainability can be achieved involves 
reducing the amount of energy needed to provide communication services and 
improving the efficiency with with networks utilize power during their use 
phase.  

</ALEX>

7) <!--[rfced] In general, please review how the terms "green", "greener", 
etc., are used in this document and let us know if any updates are needed. 
Specifically:

a) Inconsistent usage of quotation marks in the original

  "green"     3 instances vs. 5 without quotes 
  "greener"   7 instances vs. 18 without quotes
  "greenness" 1 instance  vs. 1 without quotes

We note that "greener" is in quotes in the abstract, then used frequently in 
the body of the document without quotes. Is there a rationale for when it is 
with vs. without quotes?  


b) Section 3: "greener" seems redundant with the surrounding text, in light of 
the definition of "green" provided in Section 1.1.
May it be removed?

Original:
  for greener, more sustainable, less carbon-intensive networks.

Perhaps simply:
  for more sustainable, less carbon-intensive networks. 


c) Section 6.2: Will it be clear to the reader what "green billing and charging 
schemes" means?
-->

<ALEX> 
re: a) The reason to have "green" in quotes is that it is such a colloquial 
descriptive yet vague term.  But you are certainly correct regarding the need 
for consistency.  Looking at the text, perhaps we should keep the first 
occurrence of green in quotes and afterwards use the term without quotes.  
I.e., we keep it here: 
  In the context of this document, we refer to networking technology that helps 
to improve its own networking sustainability  as "green".
Afterwards we remove the quotes. 

As for greener, use the same policy: Keep the first instance in quotes:
  Therefore, methods to make networking technology itself "greener" and to 
manage and operate networks in ways that reduce their environmental footprint 
without impacting their utility need to be explored.  
Afterwards remove the quotes.  

Same for greenness.  Put greenness into quotes here: 
  Energy-efficiency and "greenness" are aspects that are rarely considered when 
designing network protocols.  
Afterwards remove it.  

Would that work?  

re: b) yes, it's arguably redundant, but I would keep it for emphasis

re: c) To make it clearer, how about rephrasing it as follows: 

Original: 
  That might serve many purposes beyond network optimization, from the option 
to introduce green billing and charging schemes to the ability to raise carbon 
awareness by end users. 
Perhaps: 
  That might serve many purposes beyond network optimization, from the option 
to introduce green billing and charging schemes that account for the amount of 
carbon emissions that are attributed to the use of communication services by 
particular users to the ability to raise carbon awareness by end users. 

</ALEX>
  
 
8) <!--[rfced] Does "Management" refer to "network management" in the first 
sentence of this paragraph? If so, we suggest updating it for clarity.

Original:
   Management has an outsized role to play in approaching those
   problems.

Perhaps:
   Network management has an outsized role to play in approaching 
   those problems.
-->
<ALEX> This is fine.
</ALEX>

9) <!--[rfced] For readability and to avoid the odd phrasing "maximize ways in 
which they eliminate the use of", we suggest rephrasing as follows.

Original:
   To reduce the amount of energy used, network providers
   need to maximize ways in which they make use of scarce resources and
   eliminate use of resources which are not needed. 

Perhaps:
   To reduce the amount of energy used, network providers
   need to eliminate the use of unneeded resources
   and maximize the use of scarce resources. 
-->

<ALEX> We should emphasize the theme of optimization in here, so I would want 
to lead with that.  Maybe swap it around a bit to become something like this:
   To reduce the amount of energy used, network providers
   need to maximize the use of scarce resources and eliminate the use of 
   resources that are not strictly needed. 
   
</ALEX>

10) <!--[rfced] Please clarify "motions" in this text.
Does it refer to mechanisms, processes, or something else?

Original:
      -  Hardware: Reducing embedded carbon during material extraction
         and manufacturing, improving energy efficiency and reducing
         energy consumption during operations, and reuse, repurpose, and
         recycle motions.

Perhaps:
      -  Hardware: Reducing embedded carbon during material extraction
         and manufacturing; improving energy efficiency and reducing
         energy consumption during operations; and improving mechanisms
         for reusing, repurposing, and recycling hardware.
-->
<ALEX> It refers to all of the above.  How about:
      -  Hardware: Reducing embedded carbon during material extraction
         and manufacturing; improving energy efficiency and reducing
         energy consumption during operations; and increasing reuse, 
repurposing, and
         recycling.  

</ALEX>

11) <!--[rfced] FYI, this has been rephrased for clarity. Specifically, this 
removes the redundancy of "management functionality" and "manage the network".

Original:
      To fully tap into the potential of such features requires
      accompanying management functionality, for example to determine
      when it is "safe" to down-speed a link or enter a power saving
      mode, and manage the network in such a way that conditions to do
      so are maximized.

Current:
      To tap into the potential of such features, it requires accompanying
      management functionality, for example, to determine when it is
      "safe" to down-speed a link or to enter a power-saving mode, and
      to maximize the conditions when that action is appropriate.
-->
<ALEX> I think I like the original better. If you don't like the redundancy of 
"manage", perhaps use "operate", to result in this: 

      To fully tap into the potential of such features requires
      accompanying management functionality, for example to determine
      when it is "safe" to down-speed a link or enter a power saving
      mode, and operate the network in such a way that conditions to do
      so are maximized.

</ALEX>

12) <!--[rfced] Please review the intended meaning of this sentence.
Instead of "and", should it be "because"?
Also, would 'rated less "green"' be more clear with a rephrase?

Original:
      Likewise, some networking devices may be
      rated less "green" and more power-intensive than others or 
      powered by less-sustainable energy sources.

Perhaps:
      Likewise, some networking devices may be
      given a lower sustainability rating because they are 
      more power-intensive or are using less-sustainable energy sources.
-->
<ALEX>
The "because" is not correct - there is no causality here and it is not about 
how sustainability ratings are assigned but how they are used  The next 
sentence basically states that the use of devices that have low ratings or that 
use dirty sources should be avoided.  
If you want to rephrase for greater clarity how about this:

      Likewise, some networking devices may have a lower sustainability rating, 
be less energy-efficient, or be powered less-sustainable energy sources than 
others. 
          
</ALEX>

13) <!--[rfced] Regarding "Definitions and Acronyms":

a) Does "IPU" refer to Intel's IPU specifically?
If so, we suggest updating the definition or the usage within the document (one 
instance). Searches for this term outside the RFC series (e.g., on dl.acm.org, 
ieeexplore.ieee.org) give results such as "Intel's IPU". 

Current:
   IPU:  Infrastructure Processing Unit


b) Regarding the expansion of "QUIC". We were told by the QUIC WG of the IETF 
that it is not an acronym. May this entry be updated as follows or otherwise? 
Also, would you like to add RFC 9000 as an informative reference?

Original:
   QUIC:  Quick UDP Internet Connections

Perhaps:
   QUIC: the name of a UDP-based, stream-multiplexing, encrypted 
         transport protocol.

c) FYI, we removed SNIC from this list because it is not used within this 
document. There is one instance of "SmartNICs"
that remains in the document.

Original:
   SNIC:  Smart NIC
-->

<ALEX>
Re: a) This is not specific to Intel but a general use of the term.  However, 
there is only a single instance in the text in which it occurs.  If it is 
acceptable, I guess the most appropriate thing to do is to remove it?  
RE: b) What you say is correct, agree with that, and we can add RFC 9000 as 
informative reference (referenced from that definition)
Re: c) Fine to remove NIC.  Re: single use of Smart NIC, should we remove it 
(same argument as re:13.a)?
</ALEX>


14) <!--[rfced] For readability, may this sentence be rephrased as follows?
Specifically, we suggest rephrasing "emphasis needs to be given to technology"
and making the sentence into shorter ones.

Original:
   As a result, emphasis needs to be given to technology that allows for
   example to (at the device level) exercise very efficient and rapid
   discovery, monitoring, and control of networking resources so that
   they can be dynamically be taken offline or back into service,
   without (at the network level) requiring extensive convergence of
   state across the network or recalculation of routes and other
   optimization problems, and (at the network equipment level) support
   rapid power cycle and initialization schemes. 

Perhaps:
   As a result, we should prioritize technology that efficiently
   discovers, monitors, and controls networking resources at the device
   level.  This allows devices to be dynamically taken offline or brought
   back online without extensive network-level state convergence, route
   recalculation, or other complex optimizations.  At the network equipment
   level, it should also support rapid power cycling and initialization.

Or:
   Technology that has the following characteristics should be prioritized:
   *  At the device level, it does efficient and rapid discovery, monitoring, 
      and control of networking resources so they can be dynamically taken 
      offline or online.
   *  At the network level, it does not require extensive convergence of 
      state across the network or recalculation of routes and other 
      optimization problems.
   *  At the network equipment level, it supports rapid power cycle and 
      initialization schemes.
-->

<ALEX> Agree with breaking up the sentence.  I am not sure about the bullet 
list - prose may be better here and makes less of an implied claim for 
completeness.  Refining things a bit further, how about this:
 
   As a result, emphasis needs to be given to technology that enables, for
   example, very efficient and rapid
   discovery, monitoring, and control of networking resources.  
   This allows devices to be dynamically taken offline or brought
   back online without extensive network-level state convergence, route
   recalculation, or other complex optimizations at the network level.  
   To facilitate such schemes, rapid power cycle and initialization schemes 
should be supported at the device level. 

</ALEX>

15) <!--[rfced] Please clarify the phrase "eco-friendly to deploy"; could a 
more precise term than "eco-friendly" be used in this context?

Original:
   Making such equipment more power efficient, have it dissipate less
   heat to consume less energy and reduce the need for cooling, making
   it eco-friendly to deploy, sourcing sustainable materials and
   facilitating recycling of equipment at the end of its lifecycle all
   contribute to making networks greener.
-->

<ALEX>
How about just removing it, to result in this:
   Making such equipment more power efficient, have it dissipate less
   heat to consume less energy and reduce the need for cooling, sourcing 
sustainable materials and
   facilitating recycling of equipment at the end of its lifecycle all
   contribute to making networks greener.


</ALEX>


16) <!--[rfced] FYI, "energy mix powering equipment" has been updated as 
follows. Please review whether it conveys the intended meaning.

Original:
   *  Methods that allow to account for energy mix powering equipment,
      to facilitate solutions that optimize carbon footprint and
      minimize pollution beyond mere energy efficiency [Hossain2019].

Current:
   *  Methods that account for equipment that powers an energy mix, to
      facilitate solutions that optimize carbon footprint and minimize
      pollution beyond mere energy efficiency [Hossain2019].
-->

<ALEX>
We are not poweing an energy mix.  What is meant is to account / take into 
consideration the energy mix of the power sources that generate the electricity 
for the equipment.  

Perhaps rephrase as follows:
   *  Methods that allow to account for the energy mix of the power sources 
that are used to power equipment, 
      in order to facilitate solutions that optimize the actual carbon 
footprint and
      minimize pollution beyond mere energy efficiency [Hossain2019].


</ALEX>

17) <!--[rfced] FYI, we updated these terms as follows, based on their usage in 
other documents (including on ieeexplore.ieee.org and dl.acm.org). Please 
review. Also, we removed "(MLU)" because the acronym is not used within this 
document.

Original:
  Maximal Link Utilization (MLU)
  minimal link utilization    

Current:
  Maximum Link Utilization
  Minimum Link Utilization 
-->

<ALEX> Thank you, this looks good
</ALEX>


18) <!--[rfced] FYI, we updated "in the limit" to "in an extreme case"
here. Please let us know if that is not the intended meaning.

Current:
   This should be done
   carefully: in an extreme case, a high rate of transmission over a
   short period of time may create bursts that the network would need to
   accommodate, with all attendant complications of bursty traffic.
-->

<ALEX> This is referring to the transmission limit, but I think your suggestion 
reads more or less fine.  Or perhaps more simply:

   This should be done
   carefully: a sudden very high rate of transmission over a
   short period of time may create bursts that the network would need to
   accommodate, with all attendant complications of bursty traffic.


</ALEX>

19) <!--[rfced] For the ease of the reader, would you like to
add a definition for "Shannon limit"? For example, perhaps 
it's referring to [Shannon] as referenced in RFC 6386.

Original:
   At the application layer, protocols may also use
   coding mechanisms that encode information close to the Shannon limit.
-->

<ALEX>
Good suggestion.  Yes, the reference is    
   [Shannon]   Shannon, C., "A Mathematical Theory of Communication",
               Bell System Technical Journal Vol. 27, pp. 379-423 and
               623-656, July and October 1948.

</ALEX>

20) <!--[rfced] FYI, we updated this sentence as follows to clarify
"(of course being offset by increasingly higher resolution)"; please
review. Is it accurate the savings are offset by the energy demands of
increasingly higher resolution? 

Original:
   Currently, most of the traffic over the Internet consists of video
   streaming and encoders for video are already quite efficient and keep
   improving all the time, resulting in energy savings as one of many
   advantages (of course being offset by increasingly higher
   resolution).

Current:
   Currently, most of the traffic over the Internet consists of video
   streaming, and video encoders are already quite efficient and keep
   improving all the time.  This results in energy savings as one of
   many advantages, although of course the savings are offset by
   increasingly higher resolution.
-->

<ALEX> The degree to which higher resolution video really contributes to less 
sustainable networks is subject to controversial discussion.  Perhaps phrase it 
as follows:

   Currently, most of the traffic over the Internet consists of video
   streaming. Video encoders are already quite efficient and keep
   improving all the time.  This results in energy savings as one of
   many benefits, even if some of those savings may be partially offset by
   increasingly higher resolution.

</ALEX>

21) <!--[rfced] May this item be rephrased as follows? The original list 
reads as "reduction in improvements in coding", which does not seem intended.

Original:
   *  Protocol advances for improving the ratio of goodput to throughput
      and to reduce waste: reduction in header tax, in protocol
      verbosity, in need for retransmissions, improvements in coding,
      etc.

Perhaps:
   *  Protocol advances for improving the ratio of goodput to throughput
      and to reduce waste; this could include coding improvements as well as
      reductions in the header tax, the protocol verbosity, and the need for
      retransmissions.
-->

<ALEX>
This is fine but I don't like the "could include", perhaps better as follows:

   *  Protocol advances for improving the ratio of goodput to throughput
      and to reduce waste; this includes advances such as coding improvements, 
      reductions in header tax, lower protocol verbosity, and reduced need for
      retransmissions.
          
</ALEX>


22) <!--[rfced] "energy footprint" vs. "carbon footprint"
In Section 5.4, the first paragraph uses the former, whereas the
summary uses the latter. Is this accurate?

Note: "energy footprint" only appears twice in this document;
please consider whether "energy consumption" is more accurate.


Original:
   From an energy footprint perspective, ...
[...]

   *  Devise methods to assess the magnitude of the carbon footprint
      that is associated with addressing schemes.
-->

<ALEX>
To eliminate the mention of energy footprint, perhaps we can rephrase things as 
follows: 

Original:
   Address tables can get very large, resulting in large forwarding tables that 
require considerable amount of memory, in addition to large amounts of state 
needing to be maintained and synchronized.  From an energy footprint 
perspective, both can be considered wasteful and offer opportunities for 
improvement.  

Suggested:
   Address tables can get very large, resulting in large forwarding tables that 
require considerable amount of memory, in addition to large amounts of state 
needing to be maintained and synchronized.  Memory as well as the processing 
needed to maintain and synchronize state both consume energy.  Exploring ways 
to reduce the amount of memory and synchronization of state that is required 
offers opportunities to reduce energy use. 
   
   
For the second instance, we can simply replace "energy footprint" with "carbon 
footprint":

Original:
   As part of this, aspects such as the impact of deploying new protocols on 
the rate of obsolescence of existing equipment should be considered. For 
instance, incremental approaches that do not require to replace equipment right 
away - or even extend the lifetime of deployed equipment - would have a lower 
energy footprint.  
   
Suggested: 
   As part of this, aspects such as the impact of deploying new protocols on 
the rate of obsolescence of existing equipment should be considered. For 
instance, incremental approaches that do not require to replace equipment right 
away - or even extend the lifetime of deployed equipment - would result in a 
lower carbon footprint.  
</ALEX>

23) <!--[rfced] Will the term "right-placing" be clear to the reader?
It has not been used before in the RFC series and does not appear
in the dictionary. It appears twice in this document, as follows. 
Please consider whether the term should be replaced or explained, 
as follows or otherwise.

Section 6.1:
   there are opportunities in right-placing functionality in the network.

Section 7: 
   ..., right-placing of computational intelligence, ...

Perhaps:

S6.1: there are opportunities for "right-placing" functionality, i.e., 
ensuring that it is in the most suitable location for optimal effectiveness.
[or]
   there are opportunities for deliberate placement of functionality
   within the network.

S7:  ensuring the most suitable placement of computational intelligence 
within the network design
-->

<ALEX> I think the term "right-placing" is fairly well known and I think the 
subsequent sentence in 6.1 explains it.  That being said, we can of course 
expand the text further.    

For 6.1:

Original:
   Likewise, there are opportunities in right-placing functionality in the 
network.  An example concerns placement of virtualized network functions in 
carbon-optimized ways - for example, cohosted on fewer servers in close 
proximity to each other in order to avoid unnecessary overhead in long-distance 
control traffic. 
   
Perhaps: 
   Likewise, there are opportunities in right-placing functionality in the 
network, i.e. place functionality in a way that minimizes energy usage without 
compromising other aspects of that functionality (such as performance or 
utility).  An example concerns placement of virtualized network functions in 
carbon-optimized ways. For example, virtualized network functions can be 
cohosted on fewer servers to achieve higher server utilization, which is more 
effective from an energy and carbon perspective than larger numbers of servers 
with lower utilization.  Likewise, they can be placed in close proximity to 
each other in order to avoid unnecessary overhead in long-distance control 
traffic. 

For 7: maybe expand slightly, such as: 
 
   ensuring the most suitable placement of computational intelligence and 
network functionality within the network design
      
</ALEX>

24) <!--[rfced] Please clarify what "This" refers to in each instance.
Perhaps first "This" is weaning, and the second "This" is load-balancing.
May it be significantly rephrased as shown below?

Original:
   Therefore, weaning such
   resources from traffic becomes an important consideration for energy-
   efficient traffic steering.  This contrasts and indeed conflicts with
   existing schemes that typically aim to create redundancy and load-
   balance traffic across a network to achieve even resource
   utilization.  This usually occurs for important reasons, such as
   making networks more resilient, optimizing service levels, and
   increasing fairness.

Perhaps:
   Therefore, weaning resources from traffic is an important consideration 
   for energy-efficient traffic steering. This approach conflicts with 
   existing schemes that typically aim to increase network resilience, 
   optimize service levels, and ensure fairness by creating redundancy and 
   load-balancing traffic for even resource utilization.
-->

<ALEX>

Fine with rephrsasing, but I think the conflict is not that the other schemes 
aim to optimize service levels etc  but the ways in which this gets achieved, 
i.e. "spreading out" (versus concentrating) if energy is not a concern.    

How about:
   Therefore, weaning resources from traffic is an important consideration 
   for energy-efficient traffic steering. This approach contrasts and indeed 
conflicts with 
   existing schemes that typically aim to to create redundancy and load-
   balance traffic across a network to achieve even resource utilization across 
larger numbers of network resources as a means to increase network resilience, 
   optimize service levels, and ensure fairness.
   
</ALEX>

25) <!--[rfced] FYI, this sentence has been updated as follows for readability.
Please review whether it conveys your intended meaning, and whether you 
prefer the shorter alternative.

Original:
   One of the big challenges hence concerns how
   resource weaning schemes to realize energy savings can be
   accommodated while preventing the cannibalization of other important
   goals, counteracting other established mechanisms, and avoiding
   destabilization of the network.

Current:
   Thus, a big challenge is how
   resource-weaning schemes to realize energy savings can be
   accommodated without cannibalizing other important goals,
   counteracting other established mechanisms, or destabilizing the
   network.

Or even shorter:
   Thus, a big challenge is implementing resource-weaning for 
   energy savings without cannibalizing other important goals, 
   counteracting other established mechanisms, or destabilizing the network.
-->

<ALEX>
Both sound fine.  My preference is the slightly longer version ("Current:")
</ALEX>

26) <!--[rfced] Section 6.2: What was intended here, rather than 'latter' twice?

Original:
   (Note: there may be a differential in running
   a computation at an edge server vs. at an hyperscale DC.  The latter
   is often better optimized than the latter.)

Perhaps: [The first sentence remains the same.]

   The latter is often better optimized than the former.
-->

<ALEX>
Yes, good catch.  Thank you!
</ALEX>

27) <!--[rfced] Please clarify "a particularly poor carbon footprint" here.
Does it mean a large carbon footprint? If so, we suggest replacing 
the word "poor", which could be interpreted as "weak" or "substandard".

Original:
   Does the path include
   outliers, i.e., segments with equipment with a particularly poor
   carbon footprint?

Perhaps:
   Does the path include
   outliers, i.e., segments with equipment with a particularly large
   carbon footprint?
-->

<ALEX>
Basically, it means "bad".  
The update is fine. 
</ALEX>

28) <!--[rfced] The term "sustainability visibility" reads oddly.
Please review if the updated sentence conveys the intended meaning.
The phrase "visibility into energy consumption" (a concept from Section 4)
has been used.

Original:
   As we desire to add carbon and energy awareness into networks, the
   energy proportionality of topologies directly supports sustainability
   visibility and improvements via automation.

Current:
   To add carbon and energy awareness into networks, the
   energy proportionality of topologies directly supports 
   visibility into energy consumption and improvements via automation.
-->

<ALEX>
You are correct that this part reads oddly.  I am not sure energy 
proportionality of topologies should even be mentioned in this context (and if 
it is, it might require further explanation).  

How about simply: 

   As part of adding carbon and energy awareness into networks, it is useful 
also for topology information to provide visibility into sustainability data.  
Such capabilities can help to assess of sustainability of the network overall 
and can enable automated applications to improve it.   
   
?
</ALEX>

29) <!--[rfced] FYI, this sentence has been updated as follows
to clarify the phrase "help its realization". Seemingly this phrase 
refers to help the realization of such architectures. Please review.

Original:
   Softwarization,
   containers, microservices are direct enablers for such architectures,
   and the deployment of programmable network infrastructure (as for
   instance Infrastructure Processing Units - IPUs or SmartNICs that
   offload some computations from the CPU onto the NIC) will help its
   realization.

Current:
   Softwarization, containers, and
   microservices are direct enablers of such architectures.  Their
   realization will be further aided by the deployment of programmable
   network infrastructure, such as Infrastructure Processing Units
   (IPUs) or SmartNICs that offload some computations from the CPU onto
   the NIC.
-->

<ALEX>
I think this is fine.  Is it clear enough that "their" refers to the 
architectures, not to the containers?  Or perhaps a bit of ambiguity is okay in 
this context (cannot think of a better alternative now).  
</ALEX>

30) <!--[rfced] "green footprint" (one instance)
You might want to consider a different term. 

Original:
   *  Investigate organization of networking architecture for important
      classes of applications (examples: content delivery, right-placing
      of computational intelligence, industrial operations and control,
      massively distributed machine learning and AI) to optimize green
      foot print and holistic approaches to trade off carbon footprint
      between forwarding, storage, and computation.
-->

<ALEX>
OK, how about replacing it with "overall sustainability", to result in the 
following:
   *  Investigate organization of networking architecture for important
      classes of applications (examples: content delivery, right-placing
      of computational intelligence, industrial operations and control,
      massively distributed machine learning and AI) to optimize overall 
sustainability
          and holistic approaches to trade off carbon footprint
      between forwarding, storage, and computation.
</ALEX>


31) <!--[rfced] Section 8: FYI, we have formatted this list of questions as 
a bulleted list. Please let us know if you prefer otherwise.

Current:
   It will also help to answer questions such as:

   *  Is caching (with the associated storage) better than
      retransmitting from a different server (with the associated
      networking cost)?
   *  Is compression more energy efficient once factoring in the
      computation cost of compression vs. transmitting uncompressed
      data?
   *  Which compression scheme is more energy efficient?
   *  Is energy saving of computing at an efficient hyperscale DC
      compensated by the networking cost to reach that DC?
   *  Is the overhead of gathering and transmitting fine-grained energy
      telemetry data offset by the total energy gain resulting from the
      better decisions that this data enables?
   *  Is transmitting data to a Low Earth Orbit (LEO) satellite
      constellation compensated by the fact that once in the
      constellation, the networking is fueled by solar energy?
   *  Is the energy cost of sending rockets to place routers in LEO
      amortized over time?
-->

<ALEX>
I think this is fine.  Sometimes I am not a big fan of lists as they are easily 
interpreted as claiming completeness, which we do not, but I think it's okay 
here. Perhaps bullet 3 can be combined / continue bullet 2 (the one involving 
compression).   
</ALEX>

32) <!--[rfced] In order to clarify the phrase "by the fact that once in 
the constellation", please consider whether the updated text conveys 
the intended meaning.

Original:
    Is transmitting data to a Low Earth Orbit (LEO) satellite
    constellation compensated by the fact that once in the
    constellation, the networking is fueled by solar energy?

Perhaps:
   *  Is the energy cost of transmitting data to a Low Earth Orbit 
      (LEO) satellite constellation offset by the networking of 
      that constellation being powered by solar energy?

Or:
   *  Does the energy saved by a Low Earth Orbit (LEO) satellite
      constellation, which is powered by solar energy, offset the
      energy required to transmit data to it?
-->

<ALEX>
How about this: 
   *  Is the energy cost needed to transmit data to a Low Earth Orbit 
      (LEO) satellite constellation offset by the fact that the constallation 
and any networking within it are  
      powered by solar energy?

</ALEX>

33) <!-- [rfced] Informative reference RFC 2481 has been obsoleted by
RFC 3168.  We recommend replacing RFC 2481 with RFC 3168; is that 
acceptable? It is cited only once in the original:

  ECN [RFC2481] is a possible solution, however, it is not widely deployed.
-->

<ALEX>
Yes, good catch, thank you.
</ALEX>

34) <!-- [rfced] FYI - We have updated the following references to include DOIs
and added URLs. Please let us know if you have any objections or
clarifications.

   [Ahlgren2012survey]
   [Alizadeh2010DCTCP]
   [Bianco2016energy]
   [Bolla2011energy]
   [Chabarek08]
   [DRAM]
   [Emergy]
   [Framework]
   [GreenNet22]
   [Herzen2011PIE]
   [Islam2012evaluating]
   [Junkyard]
   [Krol2017NFaaS]
   [Mathew2011energy]
   [NewClass]
   [QUAL]
   [Ren2018jordan]
   [SideChannel]
   [TCC]
   [TradeOff]
   [Westphal2021qualitative]
   [Wolf2014choicenet]
-->

<ALEX>
Very nice, thank you
</ALEX>

35) <!-- [rfced] We found the following URL for [Telefonica2021];
would you like to add it or a different URL to this reference?

https://www.telefonica.com/en/shareholders-investors/financial-reports/historical-archive-annual-reports/2021/

Current:
   [Telefonica2021]
              Telefonica, "Telefonica Consolidated Annual Report 2021",
              2021.
-->

<ALEX>
Actual, we would like to point to the most recent report, which is 2024:
https://www.telefonica.com/en/wp-content/uploads/sites/5/2025/03/consolidated-management-report.pdf

The number we are referencing from the report (which can be found now on page 
99) has changed.  As a result, the following should be changed in the text: 
Original:
   For example, in its annual report, Telefónica reports that in 2021, its 
network's energy consumption per PB of data amounted to 54MWh [Telefonica2021].
   
New:
   For example, in its annual report, Telefónica reports that in 2024, its 
network's energy consumption per PB of data amounted to 38 MWh [Telefonica2021].

</ALEX>

36) <!-- [rfced] FYI, for [Cervero19], we updated the year from 2019 to
2015 to match the year found at the DOI. Please let us know if that
is not accurate.

Current:
   [Cervero15]
              Cervero, A. G., Chincoli, M., Dittmann, L., Fischer, A.,
              Garcia, A., Galán-Jiménez, J., Lefevre, L., Meer, H. D.,
              Monteil, T., Monti, P., Orgerie, A., Pau, L., Phillips,
              C., Ricciardi, S., Sharrock, R., Stolf, P., Trinh, T., and
              L. Valcarenghi, "Green Wired Networks", Large-Scale
              Distributed Systems and Energy Efficiency, pp. 41-80,
              DOI 10.1002/9781118981122.ch3, 2015,
              <https://doi.org/10.1002/9781118981122.ch3>.
-->
<ALEX>
I think your update looks correct.  (Perhaps Cedric, who brought this 
reference, may want to verify as well)
</ALEX>

37) <!-- [rfced] For [Hossain2019], the URL provided
(https://ieeexplore.ieee.org/document/6779082) is fro an article
titled "Measurement and modeling the power consumption of router
interface".

We have updated the URL to use the DOI provided in the original
reference. Please let us know if that is not accurate.

Original:
   [Hossain2019]
              Hossain, M., Georges, J., Rondeau, E., and T. Divoux,
              "Energy, Carbon and Renewable Energy: Candidate Metrics
              for Green-Aware Routing?", DOI 10.3390/s19132901,
              Sensors Vol. 19 No. 3, June 2019,
              <https://ieeexplore.ieee.org/document/6779082>.

Current:
   [Hossain2019]
              Hossain, M., Georges, J., Rondeau, E., and T. Divoux,
              "Energy, Carbon and Renewable Energy: Candidate Metrics
              for Green-Aware Routing?", Sensors, vol. 19, no. 3,
              DOI 10.3390/s19132901, June 2019,
              <https://doi.org/10.3390/s19132901>.
-->

<ALEX>
I believe this is correct.  Again, Cedric can perhaps double-verify.
</ALEX>

38) <!-- [rfced] Please review the "Inclusive Language" portion of the online 
Style Guide <https://www.rfc-editor.org/styleguide/part2/#inclusive_language>
and let us know if any changes are needed.  Updates of this nature typically
result in more precise language, which is helpful for readers.

In addition, please consider whether "tradition" should be updated for clarity. 
 
It can be ambiguous.  

 Section 6.1: Optimizing cost has a long tradition in networking; 
-->

<ALEX>
I don't see what would be controversial/non-inclusive about this statement, can 
you please enlighten me?  
That being said, if you want to change it to something like "Optimizing cost 
has long been an area of focus in networking", that's fine.  
</ALEX>


39) <!-- [rfced] Some author comments are present in the XML. Please confirm 
that no updates related to these comments are outstanding. Note that the
comments will be deleted prior to publication. --> 

<ALEX>
I think it is fine to delete them.  
</ALEX>

Thank you.

RFC Editor/ar


On Aug 15, 2025, rfc-edi...@rfc-editor.org wrote:

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--------------------------------------
RFC9845 (draft-irtf-nmrg-green-ps-06)

Title            : Challenges and Opportunities in Management for Green 
Networking
Author(s)        : A. Clemm, Ed., C. Pignataro, Ed., C. Westphal, L. Ciavaglia, 
J. Tantsura, M. Odini


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