1) <!-- [rfced] We had the following questions/comments about the document
title: a) Please note that the title of the document has been updated as
follows: Abbreviations have been expanded per Section 3.6 of RFC 7322 ("RFC
Style Guide"). Please review. Original: Out-of-Band STIR for Service Providers
Current: Out-of-Band Secure Telephone Identity Revisited (STIR) for Service
Providers b) Should "Framework" or something be added after (STIR) (once
expanded, it doesn't seem like a noun anymore...).
JFP: I don’t think “Framework” is necessary in the title.
See also our change to the first sentence of the Introduction. Perhaps:
Out-of-Band Secure Telephone Identity Revisited (STIR) Framework for Service
Providers
JFP: The first sentence of the intro is talking about STIR in general, not this
out-of-band framework. So, it is okay as it reads in your initial change,
--> 2) <!--[rfced] We had a few questions about the following sentence:
Original: Moreover, any additional information included in a PASSporT which is
not strictly redundant with the contents of a SIP request increases data
collection concerns; while baseline [RFC8225] PASSporTs only contain
information otherwise in the SIP request. a) Please help us clarify the subject
of "which". Is it "information" or is it "PASSporT”?
JFP: It is “information”. You can s/which/that
b) Could the "while" be removed? This seems to be further information, not
contrasting information?
JFP: Really the semicolon before the “while” should be a comma. This is
contrasting information: the baseline PASSporT only contains information that
is strictly redundant with the contents of a SIP request.
c) Please clarify "only contain information otherwise in the SIP request". Does
this mean only redundant information? Perhaps: Moreover, in a PASSporT, any
additional information that is not strictly redundant with the contents of a
SIP request increases data collection concerns; baseline [RFC8225] PASSporTs
only contain information redundant with the SIP request.
JFP: I think converting the semicolon to a comma, and perhaps s/which/that,
would be sufficient to clarify, but this proposed wording is also OK.
--> 3) <!-- [rfced] Please review the "Inclusive Language" portion of the
online Style Guide and let us know if any changes are needed. Updates of this
nature typically result in more precise language, which is helpful for readers.
Note that our script did not flag any words in particular, but this should
still be reviewed as a best practice. In addition, please consider whether
"tradition" should be updated for clarity. While the NIST website <> indicates
that this term is potentially biased, it is also ambiguous. "Tradition" is a
subjective term, as it is not the same for everyone. Original: ..may send SIP
INVITEs to a gateway in front of a traditional PSTN…
JFP: The usage of “traditional” here is OK I think.
--> 4) <!-- [rfced] We had the following questions/comments about abbreviation
use throughout the document: a) FYI - We have added expansions for
abbreviations upon first use per Section 3.6 of RFC 7322 ("RFC Style Guide").
Please review each expansion in the document carefully to ensure correctness.
b) FYI - We will update to use the abbreviation only after the first use for
the following abbreviations in accordance with the online Style Guide: OOB-AS
SPC
JFP: OK
--> 5) <!--[rfced] Please review the use of citation tags throughout the
document: some are read as part of the sentence while others are not
syntactically relevant. Please see the online Style Guide for further
information/guidance.
JFP: I think it’s OK.
--> 6) <!--[rfced] We see the following similar terminology used throughout the
document. Please let us know if/how we may make these consistent. STIR
credential vs. STIR certificate vs. STIR [RFC8816] certificate out-of-band STIR
vs. STIR out-of-band vs. STIR out-of-band framework [RFC8816]
JFP: I’ve reviewed these instances and I think the usage in the doc is OK.
Thanks!
--> Thank you. Megan Ferguson RFC Production Center
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