Authors,

While reviewing this document during AUTH48, please resolve (as necessary) the 
following questions, which are also in the source file.

1) <!-- [rfced] Please insert any keywords (beyond those that appear in
the title) for use on https://www.rfc-editor.org/search. -->


2) <!--[rfced] Please clarify this sentence. Is the intended meaning 
(i) "This correlation enables the detection of changes and of the impact." 
or
(ii) "This correlation enables the detection and the impact."?

Original:
   This correlation enables the detection of changes in
   forwarding paths, such as updated intermediate hops or interfaces,
   and the resulting impact on delay experienced by customer traffic.

Perhaps (assuming (i), adding a second "of"):
   This correlation enables the detection of changes in
   forwarding paths, such as updated intermediate hops or interfaces,
   and of the resulting impact on delay experienced by customer traffic.

Or (assuming (i), for more precision):
   This correlation enables the detection of (a) changes in
   forwarding paths, such as updated intermediate hops or interfaces,
   and (b) the resulting impact on delay experienced by customer traffic.
-->


3) <!--[rfced] Should "element Identifier" be "Information Element identifier"?
The latter term is used in RFC 7011 (which you had mentioned in the intake 
form).

Original:
   This category includes multiple indexes of the registered performance
   metrics: the element Identifier and Metric Name.
-->


4) <!--[rfced] FYI, we added "is" to make the 2nd sentence complete in each
definition below. Please let us know if a different meaning was intended.
For example:

Original:
  The measurement of one-way delay based on a single Observation Point
  [RFC7011] somewhere in the network.

Current:
  The measurement of one-way delay is based on a single Observation Point
  [RFC7011] somewhere in the network.
-->


5) <!-- [rfced] FYI, we corrected this section number as follows; please review.
Section 2 of [RFC2330] is the copyright statement; the terms mentioned
are defined in Section 11 of [RFC2330].

Original:
   Note that terms such as "singleton" and "sample" are defined in
   Section 2 of [RFC2330].

Perhaps:
   Note that terms such as "singleton" and "sample" are defined in
   Section 11 of [RFC2330].
-->


6) <!-- [rfced] RFC 6991 has been obsoleted by RFC 9911.  We have replaced each 
citation 
of RFC 6991 with RFC 9911, as the section numbers seem to contain the data 
types being
mentioned. Please review and let us know any further updates. For example:

Original: or ipv6-address-no-zone value for IPv6; see Section 4 of [RFC6991]).
Current:  or ipv6-address-no-zone value for IPv6; see Section 4 of [RFC9911]).
-->


7) <!--[rfced] We suggest changing "analysis choice" (4 instances) to 
"analytic choice" or "analytical choice", because "analysis" is a noun. 
We note the term "analysis choice" is only used RFC 8912. For example:

Original:
   see Section 5 of [RFC6703] for background on this analysis choice.

Suggested:
   see Section 5 of [RFC6703] for background on this analytic choice.
-->


8) <!--[rfced] FYI, Revision Date will be updated before publication.-->


9) <!--[rfced] Please clarify "as defined to the following [...] dimensions"; 
should it be "as defined across the following [...] dimensions"?

Original:
   The measured On-Path delay can be aggregated with Flow Aggregation as
   defined in [RFC7015] to the following device and control-plane
   dimensions [IANA-IPFIX] to determine:

Perhaps:
   The measured On-Path delay can be aggregated with Flow Aggregation as
   defined in [RFC7015] across the following device and control-plane
   dimensions [IANA-IPFIX] to determine:
-->


10) <!-- [rfced] FYI, we simplified this sentence as follows; please review.

Original:
   Let us consider the example depicted in Figure 1 from Section 1 as
   topology example.

Current:
    Let us consider Figure 1 as a topology example.
-->


11) <!--[rfced] How may this be rephrased to avoid the odd phrase 
"offload the IPFIX Exporter from calculating the mean"? 
Specifically, rather than "offload X from doing a task", we can 
offload the task - or we can offload X by doing the task elsewhere.

Original:
   The mean (average) path delay can be calculated by dividing the
   pathDelaySumDeltaMicroseconds(533) by the packetDeltaCount(2) at the
   IPFIX data collection in order to offload the IPFIX Exporter from
   calculating the mean for every Flow at export time.

Perhaps ("offload" changed to "prevent"):
   The mean (average) path delay can be calculated by dividing the
   pathDelaySumDeltaMicroseconds(533) by the packetDeltaCount(2) at the
   IPFIX data collection in order to prevent the IPFIX Exporter from
   calculating the mean for every Flow at export time.
-->


12) <!--[rfced] We suggest changing "being accounted" to "being counted" here. 
Please review the intended meaning. 
        
Original:
   Unsigned64 has been chosen as type for pathDelaySumDeltaMicroseconds
   to support cases with large delay numbers and where many packets are
   being accounted.
   
Perhaps:
   Unsigned64 has been chosen as type for pathDelaySumDeltaMicroseconds
   to support cases with large delay numbers and where many packets are
   being counted.
-->


13) <!--[rfced] Should "node" be plural "nodes"? In other words, is this about 
both an intermediate node and decapsulating node? 
Also, is it accurate that "on-path delay" should be "On-Path delay" as it is
elsewhere in this document?
        
Original:
   [...] and be read at the OAM header intermediate and decapsulating
   node to calculate the on-path delay. 

Perhaps:
   [...] and be read at the OAM header intermediate and decapsulating
   nodes to calculate the On-Path delay. 
-->


14) <!--[rfced] Is the intended meaning that attacks by the receiver
may be possible? If so, we suggest changing "for" to "by" or 
rephrasing otherwise.

Original:
   For example, exporting delay metrics may make attacks possible for
   the receiver of this information; ...
      
Perhaps:
   For example, exporting delay metrics may make attacks possible by
   the receiver of this information; ...
-->


15) <!-- [rfced] [RFC7012] is not cited in the text.  Please let us know
where it should be cited; otherwise it will be deleted from the 
references section.

   [RFC7012] Claise, B., Ed. and B. Trammell, Ed., "Information Model for
   IP Flow Information Export (IPFIX)", RFC 7012, DOI 10.17487/RFC7012,
   September 2013, <https://www.rfc-editor.org/info/rfc7012>.
-->


16) <!-- [rfced] FYI, this sentence has been updated to remove the pointer
 to Section 1. Rationale: Figure 1 is specific enough for the reader to 
 find the information. And it's in Section 3, not Section 1.

Original:
   Taking Figure 1 from Section 1 as topology example.

Current:
   Let's take Figure 1 as a topology example.
-->


17) <!--[rfced] For Table 4, is it correct that the column headers 
are intended as the names of the IEs? If so, we recommend 
rotating the table (so the column headers become the first column) as shown 
in the edited document. Please review and let us know any updates,
or if you want to revert to the previous format. (We note that Table 2
also adds spaces into IE names, perhaps in order get line breaks within
the cell; please let us know if you'd like to make any updates to Table 2.)

Original (column headers):
  path Delay Mean Delta Micro..
  path Delay Min Delta Micro..
  path Delay Max Delta Micro..

Perhaps intended as the IE names:
  pathDelayMeanDeltaMicroseconds
  pathDelayMinDeltaMicroseconds
  pathDelayMaxDeltaMicroseconds
-->


18) <!--[rfced] Terminology: Please review usage of these terms and let us
know if any updates should be made for consistency.

  Flow Record (8 instances) vs. flow record (1 instance)

  Singleton (2 instances) vs. singleton (5 instances)
-->


19) <!-- [rfced] Please review the "Inclusive Language" portion of the online 
Style Guide <https://www.rfc-editor.org/styleguide/part2/#inclusive_language>
and let us know if any changes are needed.  Updates of this nature typically
result in more precise language, which is helpful for readers.

Note that our script did not flag any words in particular, but this should 
still be reviewed as a best practice.
-->


Thank you.

Alice Russo
RFC Production Center

On Mar 30, 2026, [email protected] wrote:

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> Updated 2026/03/30
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> --------------------------------------
> RFC9951 (draft-ietf-opsawg-ipfix-on-path-telemetry-23)
> 
> Title            : Export of Delay Performance Metrics in IP Flow Information 
> Export (IPFIX)
> Author(s)        : T. Graf, B. Claise, A. Huang-Feng
> WG Chair(s)      : Joe Clarke, Benoît Claise
> Area Director(s) : Mohamed Boucadair, Mahesh Jethanandani

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