Dear Sheila, Since you addressed your letter to me, I will respond to you by name as well, but of course my comments are intended for anyone who is interested in them.
My response this time entails a little personal narrative; please bear with me. I was raised in a Baha'i family. My parents are long-time pioneers to Central America, where my father serves on the N.S.A. of Belize these many years, and my mother, now ill, has served as the mainstay for so many services for the Faith, both in Belize and here in Canada, that I could not enumerate them. Their model to our family, in all things to do with spiritual practice, has been incalculable. My husband and I try hard to do as well, but as all of us know, the times have changed and teaching spiritual values can be a tough sell. My parents have six adult children, of whom I am the eldest. All of us are Baha'is, and all married to Baha'is except my brother, who is currently single. Our respective children range in age from 2 to 25, and none is yet married. One of my nieces is single-parenting her child, now aged two. Of my parents' 21 grandchildren, 18 are Baha'is, at least by conviction, and most are trying to be Baha'is in social practice as well. My extended Baha'i family includes many Baha'is: at least half of my cousins on my mother's side and some relatives on my father's side. So I have had an amazing amount, not only of community support, but of family understanding, from the beginning and throughout my life so far, in all aspects of spiritual process. I am deeply blessed and deeply appreciative. My husband and I are parents of three teenagers aged 19, 16, and 14. I gave them all the same advice about chastity. Here is the shortened version: I would prefer you to follow Baha'i law as I believe it is the best protection, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. If you are unable or unwilling to do this, I would beg you to have sex ONLY if protected and ONLY with someone you know well and love. I make these comments in the full awareness that chastity is more than just about sexuality, but it tends to get translated that way in a bit of a reductivistic manner. Of the six children in our family, most were virgins at their marriage. For those who chose to be obedient to Baha'i laws regarding chastity (and it was a choice), they struggled as much as anyone would. They felt, and continue to feel, a certain joy in their victories of obedience in this area. We know that chastity is only one aspect of the dimensions of Baha'i life, and because of our society's attitudes, perhaps overemphasized. I recall Joy Leary speaking at Maxwell, when I was teaching there, and asking the youth, "How many of you have trouble with backbiting?" Every hand was raised. Then she asked, "How many of you have trouble with chastity?" A few hesitant, honest hands came up. Then she asked the youth why they were more willing to admit to challenges with "backbiting" than "chastity," given that the former is excoriated in the Writings. Interesting and memorable. One of my sisters was married at 17, which probably helps in the achievement of chastity. Perhaps unusually for young marriages, she and her husband have been happily married for more than a quarter of a century. I recently interviewed a number of couples for my book about long-term marriages and found that young people guided by Baha'i teaching can be surprisingly successful in attaining long-term and happy unions. However, we know that this is not a principle generalizable to increased rates of success in marriage; Baha'is are also challenged in this regard as much as society at large, apparently. I believe that no family is immune to the sexual pressures and mores, or their lack, of our secularized societies, or other multivariate societal challenges. I do not believe that the teachings are unachievable. I know many, many single young people, and older ones, who practice chastity. I do not believe that Baha'u'llah, whom I see as Merciful and am grateful for His mercy, would give us any unattainable goals. Our mistakes are ours, and our victories are His. At least, that has been my own personal experience. I think chastity is actually a fairly small thing in the scheme of things. I say this with a wee smile, but when I look at the impact of the teachings on our extended family, chastity is not so important. Well, sure it is, yes. But it isn't, in a way. What has been more important, to all of us I think, and to the many Baha'i communities where we have resided, is the idea that the Faith is a transformative spiritual process. So when one of us slips, at least in the "visible sins," I think it is important for the Baha'is to leave the work of Assemblies to the Assembly, and to simply support our families and friends with all the love of our hearts. It is not for us to be critical of one another. The world will do that for us. I have strong opinions about the Baha'i community and individuals taking on the role of judge. I encourage all of us to be strong, to do our best, to feel Baha'u'llah's active and loving presence in our lives. I do not say this out of some naive utopianism. People mess up all the time. I do feel that our responses to ourselves, when we make mistakes, need to be "What can I learn from this" and "How can I improve" and "What prayerful support can I enlist" as a series of questions. I believe in the power of prayer, as do all of us here. I believe in asking for help, and that when we do, it will be given. The moral road is a winding one, but choosing the Faith in the first place indicates a desire for our lives to be under His beneficent watch. I am sorry if I appear to be speaking in clich�s. I just wanted to share that I believe that Baha'i practice is possible just as I believe that peace is inevitable. Whether we choose to transform ourselves the hard way, kicking and screaming, or to learn a "radiant acquiescence" which is oppositional to the individualistic society in which we live, is as much our choice as is humanity's in achieving peace. The Peace Message says we can get to peace the easy way, or the hard way. The laws can be achieved that way, too, in my opinion. We can just do it right, and save ourselves a lot of the pain that comes from disobedience. Or not. I have learned this the hard way, and now, at almost 50, for the time being at least, am just trying to do a little better each day. Good choices to all of us. With Baha'i love, Heather __________________________________________________ You are subscribed to Baha'i Studies as: mailto:[email protected] To unsubscribe, send a blank email to mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] To subscribe, use subscribe bahai-st in the message body to [EMAIL PROTECTED] Baha'i Studies is available through the following: Mail - mailto:[email protected] Web - http://list.jccc.edu/read/?forum=bahai-st News - news://list.jccc.edu/bahai-st Public - http://www.escribe.com/religion/bahaist Old Public - http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected] New Public - http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]
