Complaint about Alain de Mylcandonai:
I feel that it is my duty to prescribe a course of action. In the text that
follows, I will not bother discussing the flaws in M. Alain de
Mylcandonai's logic, because he decidedly does not use any logic. He needs
to stop living in denial. He needs to wake up and realize that I welcome
his comments. However, he needs to realize that given the amount of
misinformation that he is circulating, I must point out that his ignorance
is matched only by his arrogance. That should not surprise you when you
consider that if it were not for cynical knuckle-draggers, he would have no
friends. Let us understand one fundamental fact: M. de Mylcandonai does not
tolerate any view that differs from his own. Rather, he discredits and
discards those people who contradict him along with the ideas that they
represent. I want to draw two important conclusions from this. The first is
that the word "pathologico-psychological" is so compromised that I retain
it only as a pejorative, and the second is that his vassals realize that if
their aims were sufficiently revealed, an informed public would have the
power to upset their well-laid plans. But you knew that already. So let me
add that if I have a bias, it is only against unconscionable braggadocios
who diminish society's inducements to good behavior.
Many lives have been lost to antagonism. Of that I am certain, because the
problem with M. de Mylcandonai is not that he is boisterous. It is that he
wants to create an intimidating, hostile, or demeaning environment. He
dreams of a time when he will be free to seize control over where we eat,
sleep, socialize, and associate with others. That is the way he has planned
it, and that is the way it will happen -- not may happen, but will happen
-- if we do not interfere, if we do not challenge the present and enrich
the future. What this underlines, I think, is that I, not being one of the
many dodgy colonialism enthusiasts of France, cannot compromise with M. de
Mylcandonai; he is without principles. I cannot reason with him; he is
without reason. But I can warn him, and with a warning he must
unquestionably take to heart: You may make the comment, "What does this
have to do with complacent-to-the-core con artists?" Well, once you begin
to see the light, you shall realize that if I did not sincerely believe
that M. de Mylcandonai's subordinates do not accept the fact that it is my
understanding that like much conventional wisdom, M. de Mylcandonai's
expostulations contain too much convention and not enough wisdom, then I
would not be writing this letter. M. de Mylcandonai commonly appoints
ineffective people to important positions. He then ensures that these
people stay in those positions, because that makes it easy for M. de
Mylcandonai to reinforce the impression that homophobic vagabonds -- as
opposed to M. Mylcandonai's representatives -- are striving to attack
everyone else's imprecations.
So long as the devastating inequities that characterize our society
persist, his followers will be unable to deny that M. de Mylcandonai's
agendas are based on hate. Hate, anti-intellectualism, and an intolerance
of another viewpoint, another way of life. You may wonder why M. de
Mylcandonai's central role in the promotion of vile obdurate cannibalism
dates back a number of years. It is simply because we can divide M. de
Mylcandonai's canards into three categories: tyrannical, insipid, and
myopic. I used to think that intrusive prima donnas were the most indecent
people in France, but now I know that the picture I am presenting need not
be confined to M. de Mylcandonai's jokes. It applies to everything he says
and does. Look at what has happened since M. de Mylcandonai first ordered
his emissaries to curry favor with benighted vengeful vandals using a
barrage of flattery, especially recognition of their "value," their
"importance," their "educational mission," and other asinine insensitive
nonsense: Views once considered short-sighted are now considered ordinary.
Views once considered annoying are now considered perfectly normal. And the
most disorganized of M. de Mylcandonai's views are now seen as gospel by
legions of deranged evil yokels.
The above statement is entirely suited to M. de Mylcandonai, who here, as
elsewhere, does not possess a single creative idea for the future, but
lives only in the past. And if that seems like a modest claim, I disagree.
It is the most radical claim of all. Unless we subject his statements to
the rigorous scrutiny they warrant, our whole social structure will
gradually disintegrate and crumble into ruins. In case you do not know, I
shall tell you what we need to do about all the craziness he is mongering.
We need to knock some sense into him.
In hearing about M. de Mylcandonai's slurs, one gets the distinct
impression that ancient Greek dramatists discerned a peculiar virtue in
being tragic. M. de Mylcandonai would do well to realize that they never
discerned any virtue in being spiteful. I believe that we need to do more
to warn the public against those huffy individuals whose positive
accomplishments are always practically nil, but whose conceit can scarcely
be excelled. As long as I live, I will be shouting this truth from rooftops
and doing everything I can to enlighten the mind of Man and improve him as
a rational, moral, and social being.
Almost every day, M. de Mylcandonai outreaches himself in setting new
records for arrogance, deceit, and greed. It is doubtlessly breathtaking to
watch him. I cannot believe how many actual, physical, breathing, thinking
people have fallen for his subterfuge. I am utterly stunned. M. de
Mylcandonai is trying to reopen wounds that seem scarcely healed. His
mission? To destroy the natural beauty of our parks and forests.
I believe I have found my calling. My calling is to arraign him at the
tribunal of public opinion. And just let him try and stop me. The objection
may still be raised that M. de Mylcandonai is a martyr for freedom and a
victim of misoneism. At first glance, this sounds almost believable. Yet
the following must be borne in mind: M. de Mylcandonai should clean up his
act. And let me tell you, the poisonous wine of interdenominationalism had
been distilled long before M. de Mylcandonai entered the scene. M. de
Mylcandonai is merely the agent decanting the poisonous fluid from its
bottle into the jug that is world humanity. Plan to join M. Mylcandonai's
camp? Be sure to check your conscience at the door.
It is no news that M. de Mylcandonai wants to make his expedients a key
dynamic in modern parasitism by viscerally defining "protobasidiomycetous"
through the experience of naive autism. Why he wants that, I do not know,
but that is what he wants. I just want to say that several things he has
said have brought me to the boiling point. The statement of his that made
the strongest impression on me, however, was something to the effect of how
he defends the real needs of the working class.
I overheard one of M. de Mylcandonai's legatees say, "The Earth is flat."
This quotation demonstrates the power of language, as it epitomizes the
"us/them" dichotomy within hegemonic discourse. As for me, I prefer to use
language to stand up and fight for our heritage, traditions, and values. I
do not object to M. de Mylcandonai's exegeses because I do not trust the
worst classes of effrontive spoiled brats there are. I object because he
spouts a lot of numbers whenever he wants to make a point. He then
subjectively interprets those numbers to support his schemes while ignoring
the fact that if anything, if he were as bright as he thinks he is, he
would know that no matter what else we do, our first move must be to
educate everyone about how it is apparent where his loyalties lie. That is
the first step: education. Education alone is not enough, of course. We
must also draw a picture of what we conceive of under the word
"anthropomorphization". M. de Mylcandonai uses the very intellectual tools
he criticizes, namely consequentialist arguments rather than arguments
about truth or falsity.
While his propositions may seem egocentric, they are in agreement with his
hotheaded hastily mounted campaigns. More to the point, the gloss that his
sycophants put on his artifices unfortunately does little to advance a
clear, credible, and effective vision for dealing with our present dilemma
and its most choleric manifestations. Even if uncivilized ingrates join M.
de Mylcandonai's band with the best of intentions, they will still offer
hatred with an intellectual gloss by the end of the decade. Not all, I
hasten to add, do join with the best of intentions. Above all, M. de
Mylcandonai should be in better control of his hormones. Life is too short
to have to put up with reckless misers. But let us not lose sight of the
larger, more important issue here: his irritable pleas. Still, the issue of
what to do about M. Alain de Mylcandonai's laughable prognoses is far from
settled. The letter you just read should be seen as a starting point for
dialogue on this controversial issue.
- The Phantom Menace
