Sorry, I can't resist. I've been thinking it's only a matter of time... ++ Please note this is what you all call satire ++
Man sues developers, cites the great American Dream of sprawl as contributing factor to failing health In a move that took many in the legal community by surprise, Jack �Doughboy� Peterson recently named a majority of America�s big builders in a class action lawsuit filed this week. �The promised me the American dream,� he said as he drove a reporter on a typical jaunt to his home, �So I moved out to the Clearwater Subdivision just 50 miles north of town. Now my rear-end is as big as a barn, my arteries are clogged from drive-through food, and my kidneys are shot from drinking Big Gulps and not being able to get out of traffic often enough to go to the bathroom. Plus I�ve got enough kidney stones to fill up one of those dippy little Zen fountains like my fruit-loop co-worker has.� Peterson then turned left on red as he headed toward Sweetwater Trail, brandishing a hefty digit at a bus driver as he did so. �Must be nice to have all the time in the world to sit on a bus or bike to work instead of drive like a man. Did I tell you I�m taking anger management classes? They�d better pony up for that, too,� he added as he passed a Saturn going 45 in a 25 mph zone. Arriving at home, he wheezed across the driveway, noting he is unable to park the garage because of storage issues. �These houses don�t have enough room for families today. It�s a crime,� he muttered, jerking a thumb at a pile of broken electronic equipment, piles of neglected toys, and boxes of Las Vegas-inpsired bric-a-brac. Kicking a family of crows out of the way as he dragged a garbage bag filled with donut boxes, crusty cardboard pizza containers, and several half full cans of paint to the curb, he continued ticking off the reasons he thinks he has a case. �It�s my right as an American. I�ve been lied to. There has to be a better way,� he said, tossing a not-quite-empty can of paint thinner on the curb. �Say, did I tell the water tastes funny out here?� The significance of a possible lawsuit windfall was not lost on a number of legislators. Said one who prefers to remain anonymous, �If we get a settlement, we�ll make good use of it. We intend to widen the roads so these folks can get home, faster.� _______________________________________________ Bikies mailing list [EMAIL PROTECTED] http://www.danenet.org/mailman/listinfo/bikies
