This was posted on LiveJournal's Bikepirates community
(http://community.livejournal.com/bikepirates/3056804.html?#cutid1), where it
was quoted from
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/2008/02/10/61-bicycles/ ...I repost
it here without comment.
-Dar
A good place to find white people on a Saturday is at a Bike Shop. Bike shops
are almost entirely staffed and patronized by white people!
But not all white people love bicycles in the same way, there is much
diversity. First up, we have the younger urban white folks who absolutely love
their fixed gear bicycles. These are seen all over college towns, Silverlake in
LA, Williamsburg in Brooklyn, Queen West in Toronto, and Victoria, British
Columbia. Fixed gear bicycles meet a lot of requirements for white person
acceptance. They can be made from older (i.e. vintage) bicycles, thus allowing
the rider to have a unique bike that is unlikely to be ridden by anyone else in
town. They are also easily customizable with expensive things Aerospoke rims,
Phil Wood Hubs, and Nitto Parts. The combination of rare bicycles and expensive
parts makes it easy for white people to judge other white people on the quality
and originality of their bicycles. This is important in determining if someone
is or isnt cooler than you.
White people also like Mountain Bikes because it lets them be in nature. Its
really not more complicated than that.
And finally, they love expensive Road Bikes and the accompanying spandex
uniforms. This enables them to ride long distances and wear really tight
clothes without any social stigmas. These types of riders will spend upwards of
$5,000 on a bicycle and up to $400 on accessories, but will not ride to work.
Perhaps because they cannot wear the spandex. It is important that you never
question why someone needs a $5000 bicycle since the answer is always
performance.
For the most part, these rules have been unisex. But there is a special
category of bicycles that appeal far more to white women, the European city
bike (pictured). White women have a lot of fantasies about idealized lives, and
one of them is living in Europe and riding around an old city on one of these
bikes. They dream about waking up and riding to a little cafe, then visiting
bakeries and cheese shops and finally riding home to prepare a fancy meal for
their friends who will all eat under a canopy with white Christmas lights. This
information can be used to help gain the trust/admiration of a white woman,
especially if you can pull off a lie about how your mother told you about how
she used to do all of these things when she was younger.
And of course, it goes without saying that white people who ride bikes like to
talk about how they are saving the earth. If you know a person who rides to
work, you should take them aside and say Hey, thanks. Sincerely, The Earth.
Then give a thumbs up. That white person will ride home on a cloud.
HEY THANKS
SINCERELY,
THE EARTH
---------------------------------
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