Last night I watched the movie _Le Pacte des Loups_ (Brotherhood of the
Wolf).  And I just want to say to all the European (especially French)
culture critics out there who moan and complain about Hollywood's cultural
dominance by means of stupid movies:  By Grabthar's Hammer, Thou Art
Avenged.

I found it hard to pick out exactly what about this movie was so bad,
since by all normal terms it's beatifully shot, elaborately plotted, and
I'm sure the dialogue in French is better than the English subtitles.

I think it comes down to this:  Brotherhood of the Wolf is every stupid
Hollywood blockbuster-movie cliche wrapped into one package and translated
into French.  Through this American's eyes, it's as though the director is
saying, "You know why we're sick of seeing the same Hollywood schlock over
and over?  THIS is why!"  It's either that, or, "See?  We can make big
stupid pointless blockbuster movies just as well as you!"  In which case,
the director is entirely correct.

Basically, it's a cross between Cujo, the X-Files, Lethal Weapon, and
every Jean-Claude Van Damme-caliber action movie ever made.  In French.

I'll describe one scene that sums up the absurdity very well.  It's the
scene where the mutilated big-game hunter pulls out a staff made of bone
(presumably picked up in Africa somewhere) and it breaks apart into
segments connected by a chain.  At which point this French nobleman who
used to hunt big game in Africa starts fighting with a tepid version of
Shaolin steel-whip kung fu.  Riiiiiiiight.

Now, I can't honestly say "Don't see this movie" because clearly many of
my fellow theatergoers enjoyed it.  My opinion will be in the minority
where this flick is concerned.

But I warn you that, deep in your heart, you'll know that for all the
reasons Waterworld and Titanic and The Patriot and Star Wars Ep. 1 sucked,
so does this movie.

Except for one thing:  the Italian assassin woman's three-dimensionality
is very, very appealingly three-dimensional.  But that's about it.

Marvin Long
Austin, Texas

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