At 12:32 PM 6/23/02, rob wrote:
>Thief can't resist lure of the bottle
>Associated Press
>TEXAS CITY -- A man trying to burglarize a Southeast Texas home got a little
>sidetracked.
>
>Grady Wayne Dennis, 37, apparently stumbled onto a bottle of Crown Royal
>Canadian whiskey while attempting to load piles of loot from the home.
>Dennis was sitting in a living room chair intoxicated when police found him.
>
>Officers entered the house and discovered stacks of items ready to be moved
>out, according to the Texas City Sun.
>
>Dennis, a parolee through 2011, was being held at Galveston County Jail on
>$100,000 bond.
>
>All of the stolen property was recovered except a handgun and a rifle.



  . . . and the contents of the bottle.


>*****************************************************************
>
>Indian villagers marry off two donkeys
>Associated Press
>
>NEW DELHI, India -- The drought-plagued residents of a small village in
>southern India organized a ceremonial wedding for two donkeys to appease the
>Hindu god of rain, a news report said Thursday.
>
>Dressed up like a bride and groom, the donkeys were escorted to a temple in
>the village of Sakkayanayakanur in Tamil Nadu state on Wednesday, the Press
>Trust of India reported.



I know a lot of parents who are sure their child married a jackass . . .



>***********************************************************
>
>'Tooth phone' could take bite out of cellulars
>Reuters News Service
>
>LONDON - British engineers say they have invented a revolutionary tooth
>implant that works like a mobile phone and would not be out of place in a
>James Bond spy movie.
>
>The 'tooth phone,' designed by James Auger and Jimmy Loizeau, consists of a
>tiny vibrator and a radio wave receiver implanted into a tooth during
>routine dental surgery.
>
>The implant does not yet have its own microchip installed, but Auger says
>the technology is tried and tested, and a fully functional phone could be
>put together in no time at all.
>
>"With the current size of microchips, this is feasible. They are now small
>enough to implant in the tooth," he told Reuters Tuesday.
>
>Sound, which comes into the tooth as a digital radio signal, is transferred
>to the inner ear by bone resonance, meaning information can be received
>anywhere and at any time -- and nobody else can listen in.
>
>The invention raises the prospects of financial traders receiving the latest
>stock market bulletins while at the movies and politicians tuning in to
>secret briefings from advisers while being quizzed by opponents



(1)  But how do you dial it?


(2)  In the middle of a business meeting, a man winces and cries out in 
pain, reflexively grabbing his jaw.

"Toothache?"  asks the person sitting next to him.

"No, I just tried to dial the office and got the FAX machine instead . . . "



>****************************************************************
>
>Thwarting moose, biologists instead light fire
>Reuters News Service
>
>*******************************************************************
>
>Elephant talks unchaperoned walk through town
>Associated Press
>
>MENOMONIE, Wis. -- An elephant made an early exit from a circus performance
>and headed down Main Street, walking about two miles through the city before
>being corralled.
>
>"All of a sudden the elephant doing a performance went over the ring and
>right through the center ring," said Shirley Kistner, who was attending the
>circus Monday with her 6-year-old granddaughter, Kaitlyn.
>
>"People in the stands and everybody kind of scattered, and out the door it
>went."
>
>After Mary the elephant broke loose at the Dunn County Recreation Park, the
>fire department responded with lights and sirens, prompting the 6-year-old
>elephant and her mother, 21-year-old Tory, to begin running in opposite
>directions, officials said.
>
>Tory was quickly recaptured, but Mary wandered through the business district
>of Menomonie and the University of Wisconsin-Stout campus until authorities
>managed to block her way, Police Chief Dennis Beety said.
>
>"People were just dumbfounded," firefighter Tim Koleski said. "It was
>amazing."
>
>Elephant trainer Billy Morris used Tory to calm Mary and got both elephants
>loaded onto a semitrailer truck to take them back to the circus.



Maybe they were looking for the moose . . .



>****************************************************************
>
>You can run, but you can't hide with alligators
>Associated Press
>
>STUART, Fla. -- Sheriff's deputies didn't mince words during an early
>morning standoff with five wanted teen-agers hiding in a pond.
>
>"You ought to be more afraid of the alligators," deputies yelled early
>Monday, shining a flashlight into the eyes of two alligators nearby in the
>water. "It's alligator mating season."
>
>The standoff quickly ended.
>
>Martin County sheriff's deputies, who had surrounded the teen-agers,
>arrested them on charges ranging from grand theft auto to resisting arrest
>without violence.



However, the deputies were unable to figure out how to handcuff the 
teen-agers, who were reported in fair condition at a local hospital 
awaiting hand-replacement surgery as soon as the alligators respond to the 
extra-strength laxative given them . . .



>****************************************************************
>
>Rancher bets the farm on miniature cattle
>Associated Press
>
>ROCKWELL, Iowa -- Dustin Pillard is betting his farm on compact cows.
>
>Pillard has 50 tiny cows on his northern Iowa farm, all about 3 feet tall.
>He's hoping they'll catch on as pets, and so far inquiries have come in from
>as far as Europe, Mexico and Argentina.
>
>"I like them," said Pillard, 30. "If nobody else does, that doesn't really
>bother me. We're breeding just for the novelty end of it."
>
>The smallest full-grown animal is a 3-year-old bull that's 33 inches tall
>and weighs 320 pounds. The largest, a mature bull, is 35 inches tall and 400
>pounds.
>
>Pillard thinks interest for the cattle, which start at about $1,000, is
>growing. And the more people know, the more interest he sees.
>
>"If they saw a rodeo bull that was only three feet tall, I'd think they'd
>have to have one. That's our hope, anyway."



Also, people in apartments with no place for a freezer can now buy a whole 
side of beef . . .




-- Ronn! :)

Rimshot Maru


Reply via email to